All I Ask Of You
by takethecurve
Summary: In the aftermath of Adam's shooting and her now future stepbrother leaving her at prom, Clare tries to piece back together her life as her broken family builds anew and moves on while old friendships reconnect. Post Now or Never.
1. Chapter I

**All I Ask of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. It's been a while, dear readers. Now or Never was pretty epic, right? So here's a new chapter fic… We pick up the day after the shooting from Dead and Gone part 2. **

**As always, you can find me on twitter at takethecurve and on tumblr at takethecurve dot tumblr dot com. Also, leave me some feedback, if you feel so inclined! I love to hear from you guys! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 1**

**Imagine Me, Trying Too Hard To Put You From My Mind**

My eyes didn't want to open. I'd stayed at the hospital until well into the early morning, making coffee runs, getting snacks, and just trying to be helpful. I felt like anything I could do to help Adam's family should be my top priority. As Adam's face flashed across my mind, I cringed, remembering his cries of pain as he lay on the dance floor. I hadn't thought I could feel any less helpless than the night Fitz cornered Eli, but I was wrong. As I knelt down beside the bleeding boy, all I could think about was that I had let our friendship fall by the wayside, and now I might lose him forever.

I could feel Eli's elbow next to mine, and for once, none of our drama mattered. We came together in that moment, a trio once more, despite everything. Warm tears weaved winding paths down my cheeks as the next hour or so blurred in my memory. I know there must have been an ambulance ride, but I couldn't even remember the journey. The next thing I remember was a firm hand on my shoulder, telling Eli and I that Adam was going to be fine, that we could see him, though he was a bit drowsy from the pain medication.

I don't know why I asked him if it hurt to get shot, but my shoulders finally began to relax as Adam joked about the future scar this would surely leave. I let a small smile creep across my face as Mrs. Torres finally arrived. Eli and I left Adam's side to give them some privacy, and I cringed as I heard my phone chime. The shooting and its immediate aftermath had freed my mind from the burden of Jake's departure, but now that everything was winding down, it crept back into the forefront.

Sis… He called me "sis"… Half a day ago, you were happily calling me your girlfriend, and now I'm "sis"… As I explained to Eli that Glen and my mother were getting married, I half expected a show of triumph from him, as my relationship with Jake was now over, but he surprised me, showing a genuine remorse for my pain. I'm not sure why that surprised me, maybe I had just forced my brain to stop thinking of him as the sweet, sensitive guy I used to love, and replaced him with the cold, unpredictable shell of himself that he became before getting help for his mental illness. Either way, the warmth of his smile thawed the ice in my heart a little as we stood there, not feeling the least bit awkward for the first time in months.

After busying myself with Adam's family's needs the rest of the evening, I felt a soft hand shaking my shoulder, and I remembered falling asleep in the waiting room, my knees curled up to my chest. I opened my eyes, finding a suit jacket draped over me, and Eli standing above me, looking apologetic.

"Um… Bullfrog is getting off from the station in about twenty minutes, and he offered to come get us both and take you home," he said, his hands in his pockets, "since you uh… didn't want to call your mom."

"Thanks," I half-yawned, "Is this yours?" I held out the jacket to him.

"Yeah, uh… sorry, you just looked cold," he said awkwardly, folding the jacket under his arm.

I stood up, stretching my arms.

"Any news on Adam?" I asked, nodding towards the hallway of hospital rooms.

"Not really, he's been sleeping. Mrs. Torres said a physical therapist will be in this afternoon to talk to him about his further recovery. He won't be happy to hear just how soon they expect him to start moving that shoulder, but apparently if you don't, you can lose a lot of your range of motion."

"Makes sense, I guess," I agreed, pulling my phone out of my pocket. No calls, no texts… It's like my parents didn't even know there had been a shooting. I stifled a cold laugh as I realized my mother now had more important things to occupy herself with than her daughter's safety, and all those things could probably be found in bed with Glen Martin.

"Something wrong?" Eli asked.

"Oh no, sorry… I... I just expected my mom to call and at least see if I was alive," I answered, more sarcastically than I should have.

"Maybe she just hasn't heard about the shooting," he suggested.

"And forget that it's…" I looked down at my phone again, "four o'clock in the morning, and I'm a full five hours past curfew? I'm sure she's been too busy with her new fiancé."

Eli stood there awkwardly, obviously at a loss for what to say.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," I said quietly, looking down at my shoes.

"There's nothing wrong with speaking your mind, Clare," he shrugged.

"I know, I just… it's been a long day," I sighed, shifting my weight.

"Truer words haven't been spoken," Eli smirked, pulling his phone out of his back pocket as it chimed. "That would be my father. You ready?"

I nodded, and followed him out into the lobby. Bullfrog's car was waiting against the curb in front of the revolving glass doors.

I rolled over in my bed, finally allowing some of the daylight seeping under my curtains to enter my eyes. Unsurprisingly, my mother wasn't here when I got home this morning. I'm sure she and Glen took advantage of the fact that Jake fled to the cabin, I thought bitterly. My eyes glanced at the clock on my bedside table, telling me it was well past midday. Kicking my covers down, I reluctantly forced myself out of bed, stumbling across the carpet to the bathroom. Once my bladder was empty and my face was splashed with cold water, I decided to hobble downstairs in search of food for my grumbling stomach.

The first thing I noticed was a box of doughnuts on the table, with a note taped to the lid.

_Clare,_

_You were still sleeping, so I didn't want to wake you. Glen and I are driving out to the cabin for the weekend. I'll be back Monday evening. Your father will be at the condo if you need anything. Groceries are in the fridge, and here is some extra money, in case you need it. Love you and have a good weekend!_

_-Mom_

I glanced bitterly at the folded up bills sticking out underneath the doughnut box. I didn't want her guilt money. I didn't want her guilt doughnuts either, but my stomach was begging for sustenance, so I tossed her note in the garbage before helping myself to a chocolate covered ring of deliciousness.

After eating my feelings with a second and third doughnut, I allowed myself to look at my phone. I had a missed call with an accompanying voicemail from Alli, who was apparently loving her summer science program, no shocker there. I also had a text message from Eli, which surprised me.

_Eli: Just wanted to make sure you were okay. I'm heading to the hospital with snacks for Adam around 5pm, you're welcome to tag along, just let me know._

I glanced at the microwave. It was just after four o'clock.

_Clare: I'll tag along, if that's still okay. Can you pick me up?_

I dashed back up the stairs and had my toothbrush between my lips when he replied.

_Eli: Sure thing, quarter til?_

_Clare: See you then!_

Half an hour later, I pulled my damp curls back into a tiny ponytail as I heard a car pull up outside. I took one last look in the mirror before sliding my feet into a pair of comfortable flats and heading downstairs. I grabbed a twenty out of my mom's guilt money, and opened the front door just as Eli's finger was poised over the doorbell.

"Hey," I greeted, stepping out and locking the door behind me.

"Good evening to you too, psychic network," he smirked, heading down the sidewalk. I saw Cece's smiling face behind the glass of the driver's side window. "Our chauffeur is excited to see you."

"Oh, I didn't realize…" I began, but caught myself. I had forgotten that Eli wouldn't be driving.

"Yeah, still haven't gotten back driving privileges," he joked, "Not that I don't deserve them," he added loudly to Cece.

Eli opened the backseat door for me before heading across to get in the passenger seat.

"All in due time, baby boy," Cece answered warmly. "Clare, it's so good to see you!"

"You too!" I smiled.

"Eli tells me you started writing for the school newspaper, how exciting!" Cece was a master of small talk, and it was as if she hadn't lost a second of time with me. We talked nonstop, all the way to the hospital before she dropped us off at the curb.

"Send Adam my love!" she called out after us.

"Yeah, yeah," Eli laughed, waving her off. "Sorry about that, she was so excited that you were coming."

"No, it was good to see her," I reassured him, following him into the revolving glass doors. We shuffled our feet awkwardly as the door spun slowly, finally gaining entry into the lobby. In silence, we walked to the elevators and then navigated the turning hallways to find Adam's room.

A pale, yet smiling Adam beamed at us as we entered.

"Speak of the devil," he laughed.

"In the flesh," Eli pretended to bow as I giggled lightly. Adam's company for the moment, also known as Drew and Katie said quick hellos and goodbyes and excused themselves from the room.

"How are you doing?" I asked, putting my purse down next one of the visitor's chairs. Eli began unpacking two grocery bags full of snacks.

"Much better now that I'm about to have some real food," Adam grinned, unable to keep his eyes off the bag of barbecue chips in Eli's hands.

"Did the physical therapist see you yet?" I continued, more worried about his physical health than his appetite.

"Yeah, she said that I would have to get started as soon as my wound is healed, no matter how sore it might still be," he replied, shrugging his good shoulder.

"How else will you continue the patented yawn move?" Eli laughed, mimicking the ever cliché movie theatre reach-around.

"Very funny, Casanova," Adam poked.

The early evening passed quickly as we laughed and joked, digging into Eli's stash of snacks, and greeting the various visitors, most of the Grade Ten class of Degrassi, it seemed. I smiled with each new visitor, seeing just how far Adam had come in the last year, from virtual unknown to one of the most well-liked members of our class. Finally as the night sky took over the daylight, Mrs. Torres came back in, and Eli and I knew we should be going. I hugged Adam gently before we left, still so relieved that he was going to walk away from this whole thing in one piece.

Eli had ducked out before me, and was in conversation on the phone down the hallway by the time I approached.

"It's your son! You know, the one you said you'd pick up from the hospital? Ring a bell? Call me when you get this!"

"Trouble?" I asked.

"Neither of my parents are answering their phones," he admitted, clearly frustrated, "And I don't have any more money on me for bus fare."

"It's okay, I've got you," I smiled, plucking my mom's guilt money from my pocket.

"No, no, no. A gentleman never lets h... a lady pay," he shook his head.

"Well this lady insists," I persisted.

Eli continued to grumble all the way to the bus stop, but both he and I knew there was no way we were walking home from the hospital, so there really was no other choice.

As we neared my stop, I was surprised when Eli stood up with me.

"This isn't your stop," I said, confused.

"My mother would kill me if I let you pay my fare, and I left you to walk five more blocks alone in the dark," he explained.

"I'm a big girl, Eli. I think I can walk home by myself," I rolled my eyes.

"I have no doubts about that, but just indulge me my manners. Please?" he continued, his face showing no hint of backing down.

"Very well," I sighed, carefully stepping down to disembark. We started to walk, silence falling between us.

"So..." Eli spoke.

"So..." I mimicked.

"Seen any good movies lately?" Eli asked, clearly reaching.

"Not really, Jake wasn't... I mean..."

"It's okay, Clare. You can mention him, you know," Eli chuckled, trying to ease to tension.

"You can understand how that's a little weird, right?"

"Of course, but you and I were friends once, if you remember..." he smirked.

"Yeah, I know... I guess Jake and I just weren't into the same movies, so no, I haven't seen any good ones lately... but I wanted to see Pan's Labyrinth at The Lyric last month. I heard it was amazing," I told him.

"You've never seen it before?"

"Nope."

"I'm shocked, Edwards. It's right up your alley. Foreign... a bit fantastical... a little gory though," he explained, lightly poking me with his elbow. "I have it on DVD, if you ever wanna borrow it."

"I'll take you up on that, actually," I grinned, enjoying our light conversation as we approached my house.

"Thanks for walking me home. You really didn't need to do that," I said again as I reached the top step to my front door.

"No problem, just don't tell Cece you paid the bus fare. I'm not kidding. She'll have my head on a stake," Eli laughed.

"Not a word," I chuckled.

"Uh... is nobody here?" Eli asked, noticing the lack of light inside the house.

"Oh, no, my mom and Glen went to the cabin for the weekend, and my dad hasn't exactly been doing his share guardian duties," I explained, rocking back on my heels.

"Ah, uh... well, you sure you're gonna be okay by yourself?" he asked, clearly unsure of whether to voice his thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm getting used to it. I'm alone here a lot now, but sometimes a little alone time can be beneficial, right?" I said, an unfamiliar nervousness creeping into my voice.

"Yeah, good chance to get some perspective. Great for writing too," he surmised. "Well, I'll see you... sometime, I guess."

I smiled as Eli turned to go. I reached around to unlock the door, before I thought of something.

"Eli!" I called out after him.

"Yeah?" he turned.

"Do you maybe wanna watch that movie tomorrow? If... if you're not busy or anything?" I asked.

"Yeah, that'd be great. I'll text you tomorrow, okay?" he smiled.

"Great, goodnight!" I waved.

"Goodnight, Clare."

I turned back to the door, letting myself in the empty house. Flicking on the hall light, I locked the door behind me and smiled to myself. Maybe this summer wouldn't be so bad after all. Eli was right, we were friends once. Maybe after everything that's happened, we could start afresh and get back to that friendship, slowly but surely.

I lay in bed that night feeling hopeful. Hopeful that somehow despite my recent misfortunes, some good could be found somewhere. I'd found my way back to Adam and Eli, who were once my best friends. Maybe this was meant to happen.


	2. Chapter II

**All I Ask of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. Thanks so much for the feedback on the first chapter! Here's chapter two, and keep in mind that it's necessary. I know you all like the slow rebuilding of Eli and Clare's friendship, but just trust me when I say, so do I. That is all. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 2**

**Silently the Senses Abandon Their Defenses**

My dreams were chaotic, to say the least. I felt like I had run a marathon by the time I managed to drag myself out of bed. I kept seeing flashes of the shooting mixed with flashes of Vegas Night. On top of that, I had the ever present feeling of abandonment by my family, seeing their happy faces walking off into the sunset without me. I felt like I was losing my mind.

The house was quiet, not that I expected otherwise. I'd listened to the house creak and the refrigerator shudder in between my fitful naps. Somehow, the sanctuary that I had envisioned this house to be was transforming. I wasn't sure if it was more like a prison or maybe just an empty reminder of the life I'd once had at this point, but either way, it wasn't the shelter I had hoped for when I asked my parents to let us keep it.

My childhood memories were becoming clouded with new ones of the Martins entering our home. I couldn't see my father drinking coffee over the kitchen counter anymore. Instead, I saw Glen fixing cabinets and Jake underneath the sink tightening the connections on our plumbing. The dinner table which so often was covered with church projects and homework was now tarnished with my mother and Glen's constant flirtation, and my own blatant disregard for our new "family dinners".

Worst of all was the foyer. I used to see smaller versions of Darcy and myself running up to greet my father as he arrived home from work. My mother would stride over, kiss him on the cheek, and Dad would pick me up, excited to hear about my first day of school. Now I saw him leaving, Jake leaving, my mother leaving, and even Eli's look of betrayal from the day Fitz showed up on my doorstep.

I spent most of my day pouting, to be honest. I ate brunch, I guess you could call it, if leftover doughnuts around eleven o'clock counted, and I caught up with some shows I'd recorded on our DVR. After my third episode of The Vampire Diaries, I decided I should probably do something productive for a change. I settled with throwing my dirty clothes into the washing machine, as if it were hard labor. When I came back from the laundry room, I noticed a text on my phone.

_Eli: Still up for that movie?_

I smiled, glad that he remembered me, as I felt so forgotten in this house.

_Clare: Absolutely, just pick the time._

_Eli: I'm leaving the hospital now. An hour or so? Have you had dinner yet?_

_Clare: That works, and no, I haven't eaten yet._

_Eli: I'll pick up a pizza on the way over, okay?_

_Clare: Sounds good. See you later._

I couldn't stop the smile that crept across my face as I trudged upstairs, since I'd been lounging around in my pajamas all day. I made my bed, smoothing out the wrinkles in the sheets, and opened my closet, eyeing my wardrobe. I pulled out a pair of jeans, a little more worn than what I'd usually wear out, but they would be perfect for a movie night on the couch. I secretly loved the worn knees which were slowly fraying into holes, a friendly reminder of the times I volunteered at church to help build homes for less fortunate families. The work was hard, and I wasn't very good at it, but the hugs from the families who received them were indescribable, so much emotion and gratefulness wrapped up in one loving gesture. I rummaged through my shirts, finding a long white v-necked short-sleeved shirt to top off my jeans. It fell lower on my hips than most of my other shirts, and fit perfectly with the comfy theme I was going for.

Once I was clean, I dusted on a light coating of makeup, just enough to make me not look like a zombie from my rough night's sleep, and I put a little product in my curls, trying to keep them from frizzing out. I didn't bother putting on shoes, as I wasn't going anywhere outside. I traipsed downstairs to switch the laundry over, and as I threw my towel in the hamper, I heard the doorbell.

I could see the faint outline of Eli's image through the textured glass, and I stood back to open the door for him.

"I hope you're ready for a full night of del Toro. I might've brought along a second movie," he said, walking into the kitchen and setting down the pizza box. From his jacket pocket, he revealed two DVDs.

"In that case, I should have figured out something for dessert," I laughed, pulling two plates out of the cabinet and setting them down beside the pizza, before heading over to the fridge for drinks. "Coke or Sprite?"

"Coke, I need all the caffeine I can get," he teased, pulling out two slices of pizza and plopping them down on a plate.

Once we were both settled on the couch with our dinner, I put Pan's Labyrinth in, and we ate and watched. I enjoyed Eli's random spurts of commentary, informing me about some of the lesser known details of the film, and we fell into the familiarity we once shared when we were together. I would cringe when the more gory bits occurred, and Eli would stifle a laugh, but I think I saw a faint grin adorn his face as I cried during the ending.

"Don't laugh at me," I sniffled as the credits began to roll.

"No laughter," he defended, reaching to the end table and handing me a tissue. "It's kinda… sweet that you get so into the movie."

"It was sad!" I declared, wiping the tears off my face with the tissue.

"You'll be okay, crybaby," he teased, playfully patting me on the head as he stood up. I tried to look angry as he grabbed his plate, taking it back to the kitchen for seconds. I followed suit.

"So what's the second movie about?" I asked, still sniffling slightly as I pulled out another piece of pizza.

"Well, it's not technically a del Toro. The Orphanage is just produced by him," he began. "It's gonna be a bit scarier than Pan's."

"You brought me a horror movie?" I asked flatly.

"It's a good one though! I think you'll like it!" he defended.

"You brought me a horror movie… on a weekend when I'm home alone…"

"You'll be fine! It's not even that scary!"

He was wrong. It was that scary. Worst of all, it was pretty much about a haunted house. I was virtually in the fetal position with my knees curled up to my chest by the time it was over.

"So good, right?" Eli turned to me once it was over.

"I hate you," I said darkly, giving him the best death glare I could muster.

"Oh come on, it wasn't that scary!" he laughed.

"It was that scary!" I declared, throwing the couch pillow I'd been hiding half my face behind straight at his head.

"Hey, no need for violence!" he shouted, throwing up his arms to block his head before the pillow made contact. He then grabbed it and threw it back at me. "It's not my fault you can't handle it!"

I gasped as the pillow skimmed the top of my head before falling behind me. I reached around behind me to retaliate, but Eli pelted me with the pillow from the other side of the couch. I grabbed both of them, and darted towards him. He cowered in the far left corner of the couch, and I rushed towards him, pelting him with one before he knocked the other out of my hand. I tried to get him again, but he grabbed my wrists, and I lost my grip on the second pillow as it toppled over the back of the couch.

Our position suddenly dawned on me as our laughter died down. I was practically on top of him, his hands holding me by my wrists slightly above him. I felt the blush rise to my cheeks as I pulled back, sitting back down. An awkward silence began to creep between us until he phone chimed. He pulled it out of his back pocket, and I thought I saw a faint hint of pink flashing across his own face as he read his text message.

"My uh…" he cleared his throat. "My mom's on the way to come get me."

"Right," I nodded, standing up and kneeling down to get his movie out of the DVD player. We didn't really speak as I got his movies back in their cases, and he took our plates and empty soda bottles into the kitchen. Eli's house wasn't that far away, so within a few minutes, we both heard Cece pull up to the curb.

I handed Eli his movies as we headed towards the front door.

"So… this was fun," he smiled, looking every bit as awkward as I felt.

"Yeah, we should do this again, sometime," I agreed. "Though, I would prefer you to leave your scary movies at home."

He smirked at my little joke, and bid me goodnight. I waved to Cece out on the curb as he walked down the sidewalk before turning and closing the door. My hands came to the sides of my face, still feeling the heat beneath my rosy cheeks. I sighed, and shook my head, trying to calm down as I went back to the kitchen to clean up.

I lay in bed some hours later, staring at the ceiling. I was never good with scary movies, and as the night fell darker, my irrational fears grew stronger. Every creak and groan the house made sounded like footsteps. The shuddering refrigerator sounded like someone breaking in. I pulled the covers up under my chin, closing my eyes tight, trying to tell myself that it was all my imagination.

I had almost calmed myself down when I heard another loud creak. That was it. I grabbed my phone, my fingers flying across the screen without pause.

_Clare: I can't sleep. This is all your fault!_

Seconds later, I received a reply.

_Eli: How is it my fault that you can't handle a scary movie?_

_Clare: You brought it here. You knew I was home alone. Your fault._

_Eli: And what exactly do you expect me to do about it now?_

_Clare: I don't know. I'm just tired, and I'm freaking out, and my house is making noises, and I'm going crazy._

_Eli: Hey, no fair. There's only room for one crazy person here, and I've got the doc report to prove it!_

_Clare: You're not funny._

_Eli. I am very funny._

_Clare: What if the noises aren't in my imagination? What if there's a burglar or a mouse or a ghost or something?_

_Eli: Why don't you call one of your gal pals to sleep over?_

_Clare: Alli's at science camp, remember?_

_Eli: Ah, yes. How could I forget that some girl I have no social relationship to was out of town? Silly me._

_Clare: Would it be too weird for me to ask you to come over?_

_Eli: That depends, are you going to take advantage of me in your frightened state? Because that might be borderline inappropriate._

_Clare: I solemnly swear that I am up to no good._

_Eli: Nicely put. I'll have to ride my old bike… might take a bit. Don't die of fright by the time I get there. I'll be seriously perturbed if I petal all that way for nothing._

_Clare: I won't. Just call me when you get here, so I can let you in. I don't wanna go downstairs until I have to._

_Eli: You're so ridiculous, Edwards. See you in a few._

I heard the refrigerator shudder again. Just a few more minutes, Clare. Calm down, you won't be alone in just a few more minutes. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Eli called.

"Your friendly neighborhood scary noise defender, here for duty," he teased.

I crept downstairs, my phone still in hand to open the door. Eli took one look at my paranoid state and burst into laughter.

"It's not funny!" I huffed, shoving him lightly as he closed the door behind himself, latching the deadbolt.

"It's a little funny," he smirked, following me upstairs.

It suddenly occurred to me as we approached my bedroom that Eli had never been in here before, no boy had for that matter. As suddenly as that dawned on me, I realized I had no plan for what was about to happen. Would he stay all night? Did I expect him to sleep in here with me? Holy shit.. I mean, crap, I'm not wearing a bra…

I crossed my arms over my chest as we entered my room. I closed the door behind him, locking it as well.

"Locking us in? Are you really that terrified?" he teased.

"Can you stop making fun of me?" I asked, hoping he would oblige me.

"Alright, alright," he answered, dropping his backpack on the floor and kicking off his shoes. "So…"

I realized that now I was supposed to do something. I had practically begged him to come over, and now I had no idea what to do. I gulped louder than I meant to.

"I would say you could just stay in one of the other rooms, but that's not gonna make me feel better," I admitted shyly, sitting down on the side of my bed.

"So… you're proposing… what exactly?" he began carefully.

"Uh… You can stay in here? With me?" I said uncertainly, shifting my eyes a bit.

"Okay… I didn't bring a sleeping bag or anything?" he said, looking confused.

I eyed my queen sized bed. Certainly enough room for two people. I'd never made a friend sleep on the floor when I had a friend over. Granted, those friends were always girls.

"Would uh... would it be too weird if you…" I broke off, unsure of how to word myself, my eyes glancing back to the bed.

"Share a bed with you?" Eli asked, clearly surprised, finishing my sentence.

My face had to be crimson.

"I mean, it's a big bed. It's not like… I mean, there's no need for you to sleep on the floor," I said quickly, my nerves rushing my words.

This time I heard Eli swallow.

"Okay," he said cautiously. "Which side do you want?"

Once we'd determined sides and awkwardly gotten into bed, I reached over, turning the lamp off on my bedside table. We lay there for a few minutes, silence between us.

A loud creak sounded from downstairs, and I jumped, instinctively, reaching over and grabbing Eli's arm.

"That was just the house settling. You're fine," he reassured me.

I let go of his arm, rolling on my side away from him. Now that he was here, all I wanted to do was cuddle up to him, to feel him next to me, to not feel so terribly alone and afraid, but I didn't know how to convey that without sounding pathetic.

I jumped again as a shadow from a tree being blown in the wind filtered through my window onto the floor next to the bed.

Eli must have felt me jump, because suddenly, I felt warm, and I felt his body behind mine, his hand rubbing a circle on my upper back.

"You're fine, Clare," he said softly. "It's just a shadow. You're fine."

"But I'm not fine," I cried softly, a stray tear falling down my cheek. A dry sob left my chest, and I felt Eli stiffen, obviously unsure of what to do, as I felt overwhelmed by my sudden eruption of emotions.

I rolled over to face him, our bodies still in contact, and I hugged myself to him, burying my face in his t-shirt, tears falling down my cheeks more steadily as my body shook. I knew I wasn't just crying because I'd let some silly movie scare me. I was crying for more things than I could probably name. For once Eli didn't speak; he just put his arms around me and held me close. I could feel his unsteady breath on my hair, but he just stayed with me and let me cry myself to sleep.

I woke up the next morning, and he was gone.


	3. Chapter III

**All I Ask of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. Sorry I'm a little later with this chapter than I meant to be! Thanks so much for all the feedback I've been getting on this story! You guys are so amazing!**

**Chapter 3**

**Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again**

I thought for a moment that maybe he had just slipped off to the bathroom or something, but his bag was gone, so I knew he had really left. I lay in bed just wondering what had happened, when my phone chimed. I grabbed it quickly, thinking it was maybe Eli with some explanation for his unannounced departure, but it was just some stupid Facerange notification. I fell back on my pillow trying to replay the night's events in my head.

I groaned remembering how upset I'd gotten over nothing. My brow furrowed remembering my little breakdown, and I realized I had probably crossed a line. I was just so overwhelmed, first with my mother, with Jake, and with Adam's shooting, and I had just crumbled onto the first person who would give me a shoulder to cry on, and that person was probably the last person I needed to fall apart in front of...

With another exasperated groan, I dragged myself out of bed and downstairs. I had a piece of leftover pizza hanging from my mouth when my phone chimed.

_Jake: Parental PDA is forcing me to leave the cabin. When I get back in town, can we talk?_

I rolled my eyes reading his text message. I knew that I needed to clear the air with Jake, but it was the last thing I actually wanted to do.

_Clare: I promised to see Adam at the hospital today. Rain check?_

_Jake: Sure, let me know._

Awkward conversation averted, I came to the conclusion that I should probably make good on that plan, since I hadn't even checked on Adam the day before.

An hour later, I began the walk to the bus stop, more guilt money burning my pockets. As I stepped off the bus in front of the hospital, I took a deep breath, hoping maybe Eli wouldn't be there, so I could talk to Adam. Fate must have been shining down on me, because I only found Drew in Adam's room, a handheld video game occupying his attention as Adam stared aimlessly at the tv, flipping channels.

"Clare!" Adam declared, seeing me in the doorway.

"Adam!" I mocked back.

"Sorry, I'm just so glad for some new company. Drew's been complaining all morning about having to be up so early on a Sunday.

"It's summer vacation, people!" Drew exclaimed, standing up from the visitor's chair.

"Okay, how's this? Drew, go home and take a nap, and I'll hang out here today?" I offered.

"That's why you're top of the class," Drew smiled, pocketing his game and giving Adam a quick fist pound before darting out the door.

I perched my purse on the windowsill before taking a seat in the now unoccupied visitor's chair.

"Spill," Adam announced.

"Excuse me?" I asked, confused by his abruptness.

"You're here on a Sunday morning, Clare. No church? What's going on?"

"I forgot all about church," I thought aloud. "I've got my days mixed up, I guess."

"That's not all," he continued. "Did something happen yesterday? Oh, you were supposed to watch a movie with Eli, right?"

"And watch a movie we did..."

"And..."

"One of the movies he brought was a scary movie, and after he left, I got really freaked out. Then, I don't know why, but I texted him, and he came back over, and he stayed the night... in my bed... and I got really scared and then emotional and upset, and I ended up crying on him, and then I woke up this morning, and he was gone."

I took a deep breath, noticing the wide eyed look adorning Adam's pale face.

"Well..." he started.

"I know I shouldn't have called him to come over, but I just didn't know what else to do, Adam!"

"Slow it on down, woman. I'm not saying you shouldn't have called him, but you have to know he was probably a little freaked out by your mini-breakdown or whatever you want to call it."

"Ugh, I know. I'm such a terrible person. Things were going so well. We had a really good time watching the movie... Then, I had to go and screw it all up, as usual. Clare Edwards, personal life ruiner..."

"Clare…"

I looked up.

"Shut up for minute."

I felt the blood rushing to my face, embarrassed. Adam cringed slightly as he pushed himself up to sit up.

"You need to take a deep breath, Clare."

I did.

"I don't mean right now. I mean, like, you need to chill out with the theatrics. Life isn't supposed to be a soap opera twenty-four seven, you know?"

"Yeah..."

"Let this thing with Eli blow over. You know him; he'll come around in a few days, if he even needs to come around at all. He might've just had to catch an early bus?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Or not, but regardless, if you confront him about it, and make a scene, we'll be back at square one."

I sighed, "You're right."

"Of course I am," Adam teased. "I've always been the brains of this operation!"

"Okay, leave Eli alone. Calm down. Check. Can I pick your brain a bit more?" I asked, hopefully.

"You kind've have a captive audience, you know..."

"Jake texted me this morning. He wants to talk."

"Well, there's really only one option there. You can clear the air now, or clear the much thicker, smoggier air once you're living under the same roof," Adam offered.

"Ugh, I know. I just wish this whole marriage wasn't happening," I thought out loud.

"You know, blended families aren't as bad as everybody makes them out to be..."

"Oh, Adam, I didn't mean..."

"I know, I know. I'm just saying that you need to maybe think about some of the pros for a change. Aren't you tired of only seeing the cons?"

"You read me like a book, you know that right?" I said, raising my eyebrow.

"One of my many gifts," Adam laughed.

With our serious conversation on the backburner, Adam and I passed the rest of the morning with lighter conversation and bad movies on cable. When Mrs. Torres showed up just after lunch, I bid Adam a fond farewell, and strolled back to the bus stop. Leaning against the side of the bench, I pulled out my phone.

With Adam's advice in mind, I decided to go ahead and talk to Jake. The sooner we cleared the air, the sooner we could put all this behind us and focus on the future at hand.

_Clare: I'm leaving the hospital. Still wanna talk?_

I was already seated on the bus when he replied.

_Jake: Sure, meet you at your house?_

_Clare: Sure._

My heart was beating so fast, I thought surely I must be having some sort of attack by the time I turned the last corner to my house. Jake's truck was already parked on the curb. I absentmindedly popped my fingers as I walked the rest of the way towards my house. As I approached, the driver's side door of Jake's truck swung open, and he stepped out. I'm not sure why I expected him to look different, but he looked exactly the same. Same Jake, same jeans, same plaid shirt.

He didn't speak initially. He just closed the truck door and stood there with his hands in his pockets, an awkward pursed grin on his face.

"Hey," I semi-waved as I passed him to walk up the sidewalk to the front door. He turned on his heel, following me.

Five minutes later, we were standing on opposite sides of the island in the kitchen, the awkward silence vibrating off the newly refurbished cabinets. Jake leaned back against the counter, hands in his pockets, and I just stood there with my arms crossed, still trying to decide what to say. I'd opened my mouth to speak twice, but I swallowed the words before they came to verbalization.

"So…" Jake drew out.

"How was the cabin?" I asked, trying to start some sort of dialogue.

"Oh, great! It's really nice this time of year. Well, until our parents got there, then I just felt kinda third wheelish…"

"Did they… uh… did they say anything about a wedding date?" I asked, unsure of whether I wanted to hear the answer.

"Nothing concrete, but I think it'll be sometime before school starts back. They both want us all to be 'settled in' properly before then," he answered, making finger quotes.

"Great…" I rolled my eyes.

"Listen Clare, I'm sorry," he began. I met his eyes across the kitchen.

"I'm sorry for breaking up with you at prom. That was… rude."

"It's fine…"

Jake pushed himself off the counter.

"It's not fine, Clare. I didn't want to hurt you," he said, a sudden fire flashing behind his eyes.

"Well, there wasn't really another option, was there?" I said, slightly angered.

"What else can I do? They're getting married. That is happening!" Jake pointed, his hands gripping the edge of the countertop of the island.

"I'm not an idiot, Jake. I know it's happening," I said coldly, turning and intending to walk out of the kitchen. Jake turned and gripped my shoulders before I could.

"They're happy, Clare. Really happy. Do you have any idea how long I've seen my dad aimlessly dating? Seeing his disappointed face after each breakup? He deserves this!"

"My mom is not ready for this!" I shouted.

"Maybe you don't know what she's ready for! You don't even know what you want!"

"It doesn't matter what I want, does it?" I asked coldly, my eyes beginning to sting from the pooling tears.

"I don't even know why you're acting like I'm the bad guy here! Do you think I really didn't notice that you were still pining over Eli the whole time we were together?" he accused, dropping his hands from my shoulders.

"Jake…"

"No, don't deny it. It's not like I didn't jump into it knowing anyway. I guess I just thought you'd eventually come around, but I was wrong, wasn't I?"

Jake's hands left my shoulders and he leaned back up. I don't know what came over me, but between him accusing me of using him, and just feeling so emotional from everything that had happened in the last few days, I reached up, grabbing either side of his face and pulled him back down to me. Before he could register my madness, I had my lips on his.

I must've taken him by surprise, because he kissed me back briefly before his rough hands pushed me away.

"What the hell, Clare?" he shouted, putting a few feet of distance between us.

I could've been a statue for how still I was standing, my hands balling into fists in front of me, still hanging in the air. I couldn't handle this. What was wrong with me?

Jake cleared his throat.

"I just wanted to apologize to you, and I did that, so I'll be going now," he said carefully, not meeting my eyes.

I didn't even turn as the front door closed.

I lay in bed that night feeling more alone than I could ever remember feeling. I kept picking up my phone and scrolling to Eli's number, wanting to call or at least text him, but I knew I needed to listen to Adam's advice. I couldn't mess this up any further. Finally, I sighed loudly and obnoxiously, even though there was no one to hear, and pulled my laptop off my desk.

_Hey Darcy,_

_ It's been a while since I've heard from you. Just wanted to see if you were doing well. I'm sure Mom has told you her happy news by now. I wish I could be happy for her, Darce, but I can't. How can she rush into this so soon after the divorce? It just happened! I wish you were here, so I wouldn't feel so alone all the time. Mom has Glen, Dad is barely around, Alli's gone to science camp, and I don't have anybody to talk to. I know you love it there, but I wish you would visit more. _

_ How's that guy you were seeing? I'm sorry I can't remember his name. Jake and I broke up… because of the marriage. I can't believe I'm going to have to share a roof with them in a few short months. I don't know how it could possibly ever not be weird. I know I'm rambling, sorry for that, but I just needed to talk to someone, even if you're not really here. Shoot me an email back sometime…_

_-Clare_

Once my email was sent, I laid back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. The moonlight drifting through my drapes drew swirling shapes on the blank canvas above my head, and as they danced, sleep overtook me.


	4. Chapter IV

**All I Ask Of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. So… did you guys not like the last chapter, or….? I'm not one to beg for reviews, but they are encouraging! So… yeah, leave me some… if you want… or not… yeah. Also, a brief disclaimer, I've never been to a counselor… so uh… I'm just winging it later on in this chapter. Forgive me. Also, I posted a video on youtube… I know, shocking! So if you wanna put a face and a southern drawl with my name, it's there, just stalk my twitter or tumblr for it. You can find me at takethecurve or at takethecurve dot tumblr dot com.**

**Chapter 4**

**Down Once More**

My mother arrived home late Sunday evening. I didn't mean to be sitting on the couch looking like the Spanish Inquisition, but somehow or another, I'd settled there to wait.

"Clare, you scared me. What are you doing?" my mother asked, seeing me sitting in the dimly lit room, without the entertainment of the tv or a book.

"Have a nice weekend?" I asked coldly. She obviously didn't notice my tone, as she dropped her bag and sat down in the chair across from me.

"Oh, we had the best time, Clare. You're going to have to come next time! The cabin is so beautiful! Glen and Jake have done such a great job sprucing it up, and the lake just gorgeous right now!"

"How nice for you," I commented.

"So what did you get up to all weekend? How was the service yesterday? Did Reverend Duncan ask about us?"

"Oh this and that… visiting my friend who got shot at prom, having a movie night with Eli, and oh yeah, I skipped church," I said coldly.

My mother's face changed from shock to disgust to confusion in about three point five seconds.

"First of all, you can drop that tone with me, young lady," she began. "Second of all, what do you mean your friend got shot?"

I stood up, annoyed.

"Oh, of course, you wouldn't know, since you don't pay attention to anything but Glen anymore. Adam, one of my best friends, got shot at prom. He's okay now though, thanks for asking."

"Clare Diana Edwards, you sit back down!"

I sat, cocking an eyebrow.

"I know I've been out with Glen, but that is no excuse for you to sass me! Now, back up and tell me what is wrong with you. What happened at prom, and why, for goodness sakes, were you seeing Eli?"

I sighed dramatically, crossing my arms.

"Adam's brother, Drew, had a run-in with some gang activity earlier this year. One of the gang members showed up at prom and pulled out a gun. Adam was shot in the shoulder, but he's fine. He should be discharged soon," I said in full monotone.

"And Eli?" my mother prompted.

"Eli came over and watched movies with me Saturday night. I didn't think you'd mind since you and Glen pretty much ruined my last relationship," I spat.

"You and Jake knew Glen and I were seeing each other," she defended.

"Not exactly! You kept that from both of us until Jake and I were already together!"

"You didn't exactly make your association with Jake common knowledge either, Clare."

"I'm sorry, I must've forgotten to mention it in between your brief visits here to sleep and shower!"

"I will not tolerate this behavior, Clare. You either change your tone or we'll be discussing your summer privileges."

Valuing my freedom, I rolled my eyes and shut my mouth. My mother stood up across from me.

"I don't know what has gotten into you lately, Clare. I had hoped you would be happy for me, after everything we've been through this year, but I guess that's too much to ask. I'm sorry that you and Jake couldn't work out. I really am, but what's done is done. Glen and Jake will be moving in this house in two months, and I expect you to welcome them with open arms. Glen has been nothing but nice to you, and you owe both of us that respect. I'm going to unpack my things, and we will talk about this further in the morning."

With that, she turned on her heel, grabbing her bag, and headed up stairs.

The next morning was awkward to say the least. My mother woke me up bright and early for breakfast, even though I had nothing under foot for the day, and I twirled my spoon aimlessly around my Lucky Charms while she sipped her morning coffee. I nodded, still sleepy, as she rambled on about current affairs from the paper and the social scandals of church and work. I perked up as she grabbed her purse, knowing I could soon retreat back to my bed, when she turned back to face me.

"I'm calling a family counselor today. I'm going to set up biweekly appointments for you and me to continue until the wedding. We'll discuss it more tonight at dinner when I have the details."

Before I could open my mouth, much less allow my brain to process this new information, she strode off and out the front door.

Family counseling.

Family counseling.

No matter how many times I said it in my head, it didn't pick my jaw back up off the floor. My parents didn't even go into family counseling when Darcy… I shook my head. This was an overreaction, plain and simple. My mother was freaking out, because she's parenting on her own, and this is just her being overly cautious. One minute in front of this counselor, and the only thing that will be an "issue" is her rushing into marriage. I'll get to sit back and let her get counseled, and I'll just watch.

Approximately thirty-two hours later, I was sitting on a plush deep blue couch next to my mother. Mr. Marrison didn't even look old enough to be a certified counselor. He was tall with the kind of messy hair you only see from high school boys and college guys. I was kind of shocked when he introduced himself. His voice was deep and almost compelling in a really strangely intriguing way.

He sat across from us with a plain legal pad on his lap, a friendly grin on his face. I could see his eyes taking us in, studying us, and it made me uncomfortable. I didn't want anyone jumping to conclusions about me, and I was sure my mother had already fed him plenty of half-truths about our relationship.

"I want to begin with an open dialogue, where we sort of flush out where you both are right now, and what led you here," he began. My mother was nodding in agreement before he turned to me. "Clare, why don't you tell me about yourself?"

He tilted his head ever so slightly, locking eyes with me. His gaze was warm, but penetrating. I had walked in thinking I was going to sit there and be a human Fort Knox, but instead, I spoke.

"Um… I'm fifteen, soon to be sixteen… I'll be in Grade Eleven this fall at Degrassi Community School. I'm in the gifted program there, and I'm on the student newspaper staff," I faded off, unsure of where to go from there.

"What kinds of hobbies are you into, Clare?" he asked.

"I read a lot, and I dabble in writing."

"Clare was just published this year," my mom chimed in.

"Impressive," he commented, turning the attention back to me. "How about your social life? Do you have many close friends?"

"I have my best friend Alli. She's away this summer at an elite science program… And there's Adam..."

My mother interrupted again. "Her friend Adam is transgendered."

"FTM?" Mr. Marrison confirmed.

"Yes, this past year was his first at Degrassi. He and I met through Eli…"

"Eli is her ex-boyfriend," my mom added.

I rolled my eyes in frustration at her constant interruptions.

"Thank you, Helen. Clare?" he led on.

"Eli and I were friends, then we dated, then we had a pretty messy breakup. We're kind've friends again now, I guess."

I frowned once the words left my mouth. Were Eli and I friends? Had I ruined our reconciliation with my breakdown that night. He hadn't called me, and I didn't have the courage to call him either.

"When you say messy breakup, what do you mean by that?"

"Eli has bipolar disorder," I told him and my mother for the first time. "He didn't know at the time, but it was a factor in our breakup. He was… unstable. I was feeling overwhelmed, and I ended it."

"Did his instability ever take form physically?"

"Oh no, no. He was never… I mean, he would never…" I took a breath. "He was just very dependent on me, and I felt… suffocated."

"And you've managed to stay friends?"

"Not initially. He got more unstable after the breakup, until he got the right kind of help for his disorder. I was seeing someone else too, and I tried to avoid him, but my editor on the school paper made me cover the school play, which Eli wrote. We didn't get along at all, but it's different now. He's back in a good place."

"You mentioned seeing someone else, would you like to talk about him?"

"That would be Jake… my soon to be stepbrother…"

"I see, and how would you describe this relationship?"

"It was great," I said quickly, then bit my lip. "I mean, I… initially, it helped me get over Eli, but… Jake and I… we had fun together. We didn't have much in common, but he was sweet and outgoing, but I… he ended it when our parents announced their engagement."

I let my eyes fall to my shoes.

"Did it help you feel closure with your relationship with Eli?"

"At first, but towards the end… I had more interaction with Eli because of the play, like I said, and I… There were some unresolved feelings, I guess. I didn't say anything to Jake about it. I thought once the play was over, I could put it all behind me, but then Jake and I broke up, and I spent some time with Eli because our friend Adam, who I mentioned before, he was shot at prom."

"So you spent time together at the hospital?" he inquired, seeking clarification.

"Initially, but we've seen each other since then… Just as friends," I clarified.

"Thank you, Clare," he nodded, finishing a note on his legal pad. "Helen, if you will, I'd like to hear about you now."

I listened intently as my mother told him all about her work and social circles at church. She was a bit more generous with herself than I was, volunteering more information than I probably would have, and speaking with less pause. I cringed as she talked about the divorce, briefly mentioning my father's infidelity before talking about the divorce finalization.

"And you're engaged to be married?" Mr. Marrison asked.

"Yes, Glen and I knew each other before his wife left when the children were younger. When he moved back to Toronto, I invited him and his son for dinner, to welcome them back to the community, and I guess you could say sparks kind of flew from there," she smiled.

I rolled my eyes.

"How are you planning to adjust the custody arrangements with Clare once you remarry?"

"Glen and Jake will be moving into our home, and the swap schedule between Randall and I will cease, not that it hasn't already pretty much stalled at this point. Randall is securing a more permanent residence, at which point, he can pick back up with his visitation rights, if he wishes. He hasn't shown much interest since the divorce was finalized."

I bit my lip. If anything, my relationship with my father had drifted into nothingness over the last couple of months. After I read the infidelity claims on the papers, I hadn't spoken much to him, even when it was his week at the house. His visits started getting shorter and more spaced out until finally, he hadn't be around at all in the last month.

"I think you both have painted a pretty clear picture of your current situation. We're out of time for today, but we can pick up again here on Thursday, alright?"

I nodded, shaking his hand in turn after my mother before following her out the door. I didn't speak as we walked through the parking lot to the car.

"I was surprised to hear that you have 'unresolved feelings' towards Eli," my mother spat once we were seated. "I thought we were past this."

I rolled my eyes. Of course, she would let that be the only detail she picked up on.

"I don't want to talk about this right now, Mom," I said calmly.

"That boy is unstable. You said it yourself, Clare, and I don't want you to see him, platonically or otherwise."

I looked up in shock.

"You're going to forbid me from seeing him?" I asked, completely irritated.

"You have plenty of other friends without having such a toxic influence in your life. You know, I never had an attitude problem out of you before…"

"Before I dated Eli?" I finished for her, my temper flaring.

"Yes, Clare. Before you dated Eli, you would never have raised your voice at me or back-talked me, and frankly, I think he has had a bigger influence on you than you think."

I turned back towards the window, fuming.

"You can't tell me who to be friends with…" I spat.

My mother didn't reply, but we both knew what she was thinking. She would ground me or send me off to church camp if I didn't follow her rules. The thought disgusted me. I was almost sixteen, and she was acting like I was some juvenile delinquent. I've never given her reason to paint me this way. I've never touched a cigarette or alcohol, and I've never even broken curfew… well… except that one time.

A shy smile crept across my face remembering that night. Captain curfew, indeed…


	5. Chapter V

**All I Ask Of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. Sorry for the gap, but it was month end… and deadlines suck balls. Thanks so much for all the great feedback on the last few chapters! You guys are amazing! So notes for this chapter… oh yeah, there's a game in it that really exists and you all should check it out and play it. It's super fun! This is a little shorter than the previous chapters, but it was at a good stopping point…. **

**Chapter 5**

**Those Pleading Eyes, That Both Threaten and Adore**

I fought with myself for almost an hour before I picked up my phone and scrolled down to Eli's number. It had been four days since Eli had disappeared from my bed. I told myself that I was following Adam's advice. I had given it time. I had tried not to let it bother me, but it did. It really did. I couldn't help but replay the night's events over and over in my head, and couldn't find a warning signal anywhere, and with my mother's newfound desire to keep me from Eli, it just pushed me closer to calling.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Uh… hey, it's me… Clare…"

"Hey, what's up?" he asked casually. My brow furrowed as confusion swept through my head.

"Um… I just thought I'd call you since… um… I haven't heard from you since… I'm sorry, I just…" The words couldn't find order as they stumbled out of my mouth.

"Yeah, about that… I didn't mean to leave without saying anything, but I kind've forgot my meds so I had to go home," he explained.

I felt relieved… and silly.

"Oh, of course! Yeah, I just wanted to say thanks for coming back over that night, and I had a good time watching the movie and such…"

"No prob. It was fun. Listen, I've gotta run some errands with Cece, but I was going to head over to Adam's later on if you wanna tag along," he said.

"Oh uh… yeah, okay. Just text me when you're ready to go," I smiled.

"Alright, see you later."

"Bye."

I put the phone down beside me and laid back on my bed. So he didn't leave because of anything I did. I still felt that initial surge of relief, but I couldn't help but wonder why he wouldn't have just woken me up and told me. It wasn't like I wouldn't have understood completely.

Later that afternoon, as I was delving into the heart of a new book I'd picked up called _Uglies_, I received Eli's text. I marked my place in my book with one of my magnetic bookmarks and grabbed the phone.

_Eli: Just got home from errands. Pick you up in fifteen?_

I frowned, thinking about my mother who was downstairs scrubbing our kitchen.

_Clare: How about I'll just ride my bike over to your place, and we can go from there?_

_Eli: It's not a problem to pick you up. Cece's loaning me her car for the afternoon._

_Clare: Okay, just don't park in front of my house. I'll meet you on the corner._

_Eli: Okay? See you shortly._

I quickly rummaged through my closet, changing from my flimsy gym shorts and t-shirt into a pair of blue jean Bermuda shorts and a lilac tank top. After a short search, I found the short-sleeved floral button down I had in mind, and stepped into a pair of silver flats. I grabbed my purse off the back of my desk chair and sprinted downstairs. I was halfway to the front door when my mother stopped me.

"Clare! Where are you off to?" she asked, pulling off her rubber gloves.

"Oh uh… I was going over to Adam's," I told her, thinking it was at least part of the truth.

"You don't have to ride your bike, I can drop you off," she offered.

"No! I mean, you're busy. I… I can manage," I silently panicked.

"Okay, be careful," she conceded.

I breathed a sigh of relief once I was out the door. I strolled down the street to the corner and arrived just as Eli pulled up. I got into the passenger seat, putting my purse on my lap.

"So why did I have to pick you up at the corner?" Eli asked, straight out of the gate.

"It's a long story," I admitted. "I'll fill you and Adam in once we get there."

"Fair enough," he smirked.

We found Adam downstairs in the basement watching a martial arts film. Eli seemed to recognize it as he immediately launched into a discussion with Adam about it while I perched myself on the couch.

"…and when that guy roundhouse kicked that other guy in the face, oh man!" Adam was saying.

"Maybe your brother can teach you some moves once you get done with physio," Eli suggested.

"Ha! Yeah, that'd go well," Adam laughed. "Drew's turning into a machine, I tell ya!"

I rolled my eyes and laughed.

"So Clare, how'd things go with Jake the other day?" Adam changed the subject. I was horrified. I didn't think he would dare mention anything about that conversation in front of Eli.

"Umm… not so well," I admitted, my cheeks flushing. "He apologized about breaking up with me at prom, but we had a… disagreement about some other issues… and the marriage and stuff…"

"What kind of disagreement?" he pushed further. I looked up and met his blue eyes with my own trying to silently give him the signal to back off.

"Doesn't matter. It's in the past," I said sharply.

"Yeah well, the past has a way of coming back to haunt us, right?" Eli joked. I forced a stifled chuckle at how true those words were. "So what was with the curbside corner pickup earlier?"

I had secretly hoped he would let me out of that one, but curiosity, it seemed, was getting the best of him.

"My mother is making us go to family therapy," I announced.

Eli's face showed no reaction at all, but Adam looked like he was in the middle of confusion, mixed with shock, and a dash of laughter.

"I know, it's ridiculous," I admitted, looking down at my feet.

"It's not that ridiculous," Eli chimed.

"Oh, no, I didn't mean… It's not that therapy is ridiculous!" I squeaked, embarrassed.

"Calm down, Clare. I just mean that you all are obviously having some major life changes here, so therapy's really not that far of a stretch," he explained.

"I…um… I guess I didn't look at it like that," I said softly, still annoyed with myself.

"So what does that have to do with Eli not picking you up in front of your house?" Adam asked.

"Well, the therapist asked a lot of questions about pretty much everything, and he wanted to know about my past relationships and all kinds of things… and my mom sort of… forbade me from hanging out with you?" I admitted.

Eli doubled over in laughter, mirroring an already chuckling Adam.

"It's not funny!" I exclaimed.

"It's a little funny," Eli smirked.

"She thinks you're a bad influence on me. Apparently I'm acting out, and I learned it all from you," I teased.

"Oh that diva behavior you learned on your own! Up until less than a week ago, we were not hanging out, so if anybody's the bad influence, it's certainly not me," Eli said dramatically.

I crossed my arms in a faux pout.

"I think I hurt her feelings," Eli teased to Adam.

"Oh, I almost forgot. My grandmother sent me a board game I wanted to check out with you guys!" Adam said excitedly, pushing himself off the couch with his good arm.

"A board game?" Eli questioned.

"Don't act like you're too old for board games!" Adam called back as he grabbed a box from a shelf across the room.

"As long as it's not Monopoly," I sighed. "That game never ends."

"It's called Quelf!" Adam announced, setting the brightly colored box in front of us.

"That's an… interesting title…" I said skeptically.

After getting everything set up and the rules established, we played for well over an hour until Eli came to a spectacular win. The game itself was hilarious, and at different points in the game, Adam had to wear a belt around his head, Eli had to ask his foot for permission to speak if he wanted to say more than three words, and I had to create a cheer for Adam every time it was his turn. By the time the game was over, my cheeks hurt from laughing so much.

As Eli packed up the game, I reached into my pocket for my phone to find a text from my mother.

_Mom: Clare, just checking to see when you're headed home. Call me when you get this._

I sighed and excused myself to the bathroom upstairs.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Yes?" I questioned sarcastically.

"Glen and Jake are coming over for dinner, and I would like for you to be here," she explained.

"Great…" I faked enthusiasm… badly.

"Can I pick you up now?"

"Uh… yeah, I guess. I'll meet you out front," I told her, knowing she wouldn't recognize Cece's car, so perhaps I could still keep it from her that Eli was here as well.

I traipsed back downstairs to find the boys already grabbing controllers to some video game system. Perfect timing for my exit, I thought to myself.

"Well, as much as I'd love to stay and watch you shoot each other or whatever you do on that thing, awkward family dinner awaits…" I announced.

Both boys stifled laughs.

"Well, thanks for coming over and being my personal cheerleader!" Adam smiled.

"See you, Clare. Say hey to your bad influence for me!" Eli smirked.

I laughed and did a small dramatic curtsey before heading upstairs and outside. My mom was just pulling up to the curb as I closed the front door behind me.

"Who's car is that?" she asked as soon as I slid into the passenger seat.

"Oh that one?" I asked, pointing to Cece's four door sedan. "Oh, just one of Drew's friends from football."

…..

"I thought Clare was gonna have a heart attack when you asked her about Jake in front of me," Eli smirked.

"Oh yeah," Adam chuckled. "I guess I didn't think about that being weird. She and I had just talked about it the other day when I was still at the doc shop."

"When was that?" Eli asked.

"Uh… Sunday? Yeah, definitely Sunday."

"Did she talk about anything else?"

"Really, Eli?"

"What?" Eli pretended to fake offense.

"You're really gonna put me in the middle… again?" Adam asked in all seriousness, putting down his wii remote.

"I don't mean to… I uh… she told you we hung out Saturday night, right?"

"It might've come up."

"So did she tell you what happened after I left?" Eli asked.

"That she freaked out and called you back over? Yes," Adam confirmed.

"We were in her bed, man. Do you know how messed up that is?" Eli shook his head.

"It's a little messed up, I guess. Why did you leave?" Adam asked.

"It was too much. I just couldn't stay there and act like we were together. She's got all this shit going on with Jake and her mom, and I can't be there for her like that. It goes against pretty much everything I've been working for here…" Eli explained.

"You mean, like at therapy and stuff?"

"Not just that. I just… I tried to fix her and Jake, you know… and now that they're not together, I can't just look at her without feeling something. It's there, Adam. It's probably always gonna be there, but I can't get involved right now. She's lonely and desperate, and it's not right."

"So what did you tell her when she asked why you left?" Adam asked, absentmindedly adjusting his injured arm.

"I told her I forgot my meds and had to go home. It was the only plausible thing I could think of," Eli admitted, staring at his shoes.

"You guys are idiots, you know that right?" Adam laughed.

"It's not funny, dude! I want to be friends with her again, but this is harder than I thought it would be!"

"That's wh…"

"Stop talking right now!" Eli warned.

Adam threw his right hand up in mock surrender, as Eli punched his good shoulder.

"Hey, lay off the damaged goods!"

Eli rolled his eyes and picked his wii remote back up.

"Shut up and drive, Torres."


	6. Chapter VI

**All I Ask Of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references.**

**Chapter 6**

**Our Games of Make-Believe are at an End**

I pushed my macaroni around on my plate as my mother and Glen tried to talk about the wedding. Jake and I sat across from each other, exactly as we had the first time he and his father had joined us for dinner, and so far I had managed to avoid eye contact. I figured my mother and Glen could sense the tension between us, but they chose not to address it.

"We've decided on a date!" Glen announced. I continued to frown at my plate.

"August 6th!" my mother exclaimed. "We've already spoken with Reverend Duncan, and he'll be officiating!"

"Jake, I hope you'll be my best man," Glen poked Jake in the elbow playfully.

"Of course," Jake smiled back at him before returning to his food.

"I spoke with Darcy today," my mother mentioned. My ears immediately perked up. "She said she's going to try to make it home for the wedding!"

I couldn't help but let a small smile flash across my face. I hadn't seen Darcy in almost two years, and it would be nice to have her here, even for a short time.

"Great! I can't wait to see her again!" Glen said cheerfully. I caught my own eyeballs mid-roll.

"I was hoping you would both be my maids of honor," my mother told me. I looked up to see the concern on her face. Did she think I would say no? Could I really say no? I tried to force a smile and nodded.

"So that's settled. Glen's brother, Michael, will be his other groomsman, and the wedding party's all set!"

I hated that I couldn't feel happy for my mother in this moment. I knew I should be. I knew I wanted to be. I just couldn't. My family was warping into this new unit, and I wasn't ready. I couldn't even picture sitting at this table every night with these people. I couldn't picture bumping into Jake in the hallway on the way to brush my teeth. I couldn't picture seeing Glen stringing Christmas lights on the front of our house. I just couldn't see any of it. How was this so easy for everyone else?

"May I be excused?" I asked politely.

"But Clare, we haven't even had dessert! I picked up some chocolate éclairs from that bakery downtown you love!" my mother pleaded. As much as I felt like drowning my sorrows in a crème-filled pastry, I needed to get away from the table.

"I'm just not very hungry right now," I told her. "Just save me a couple for later?"

"Oh… okay," my mother frowned. As I stood up from the table and turned to leave, I saw Glen reach across the table and take her hand. Part of me wanted to think that he was being sweet and considerate, but the other part of me just wanted to get away from them both.

If I was taller, I would have taken the stairs two at a time, just to distance myself from my new nuclear family unit. I closed my bedroom door behind me, took a deep breath, and practically flung myself on my bed. I hooked my arms around one of my pillows, burying my face in it. I didn't feel like crying, but I knew it was mainly because I was so disgusted with myself. Why couldn't I be happy for them? For us?

My thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock at the door. I opened my mouth to tell whoever it was to come in, but the door creaked open before I could. Jake's head peered around the door.

"Can I come in?" he asked carefully.

"I guess…" I sighed. I sat up on my bed, crossing my legs underneath me.

"Pretty awkward family dinner, right?" he tried to joke once he had entered and softly closed the door behind him.

"That's an understatement," I chuckled lightly, looking up to meet his eyes for the first time all evening.

"It's gonna get easier, you know," he said, pulling out my desk chair and sitting down.

"How do you know?" I asked honestly.

"Call it intuition maybe?" Jake laughed. "Maybe you and I were always meant to be in each other's lives, just not the way we thought."

"Well, it would have been nice to be clued in to that a little earlier, don't you think?" I rebutted.

"Everything happens for a reason, I guess. Maybe we just haven't figured out what this one is yet."

A moment of silence fell between us, and I felt the guilt of our last encounter on my shoulders.

"I'm sorry about the other day," I admitted. "I was… out of line…"

"Oh you mean when you attacked me?" he teased.

"I did not attack you!" I defended, smiling in genuine for the first time all night.

"Let's just say, I know now not to piss you off. Who knows what you might do! Maybe you should find some other way to channel those teenage hormones of yours," he laughed.

"I do not… it's not…"

"What was that?" Jake pretended to feign deafness to tease my lack of fluency.

"Don't worry. I won't be jumping you again," I said sternly, raising an eyebrow.

Jake smiled.

"So tell me about Darcy."

"What do you want to know? She's…" I added up in my head. "… twenty now. She's been in Kenya working with a church mission group for the last two years."

"Why hasn't she come home? My dad mentioned she hasn't really visited."

"Darcy had some issues in the couple of years before she left. She uh… She was…" I took a deep breath. "She was raped during her Grade Eleven year."

"Holy shit…" Jake thought out loud.

"Yeah, it messed her up pretty bad. She was depressed and acting out, and she tried to kill herself. She even accused Principal Simpson of sexual harassment. She finally started getting better near the end of that year, but by the time she started Grade Twelve, she felt so guilty about the things she had said and done when she was dealing with the rape, she wanted to atone for her actions, or so she said. She found the program in Kenya, and away she went."

"So is she ever coming home?" Jake asked.

"It wouldn't surprise me if she stayed with the program. She might not stay in Kenya forever, but I think she wants to keep working with the same organization. She's actually really passionate about it. It doesn't hurt either that I think she met someone," I smirked.

"You Edwards women just have a big ole weak spot for the opposite sex," Jake teased.

I rolled my eyes as another knock fell on my door.

"Come in!" I shouted.

"Everything okay in here?"

I was surprised to see Glen's head poking around instead of my mothers. He seemed reluctant to do so until he saw that Jake and I were on opposite sides of the room from one another, still smiling over his little joke. I could see a visible relief flood his face as he took in the scene.

"Jake, it's about time for us to head out," he said.

"Oh okay," Jake stood up before turning back to me. "See you later, Clare."

I smiled.

"Bye, Jake. Bye Glen."

"Goodnight, Clare." Glen smiled, turning to leave.

I heard their heavy footsteps down the stairs and out the front door. I stood up from my bed, following their path downstairs. I could hear the soft clink and clank of pots and pans as my mother leaned over her kitchen sink, cleaning up our dinner.

"Do you need some help?" I asked timidly.

"Do you want to dry?" she offered me a towel.

I stood beside her, and in silence, we finished the chore. Once it was done, my mother turned and leaned back on the counter.

"Did I say something wrong tonight?" she asked, obviously still concerned about my departure from the dinner table.

"I'm just… not used to this yet, I guess…" I admitted. "It's still kinda weird."

"It will get easier, Clare," she assured.

"That's what Jake said," I smiled, opening the refrigerator to find the box of éclairs she had mentioned earlier. I took one out of the box, my eyes almost rolling in the back of my head as I took a bite.

"I knew you wouldn't be able to resist one of those," my mother smiled, pushing herself away from the counter. As she passed me, she gave me a one-sided hug, kissing the top of my head. "Don't stay up too late."

My mouth was full, but I muffled an, "I won't," as she headed upstairs.

I finished my pastry and put the others back in the refrigerator, turning the lights out behind me as I headed upstairs to my room. It was still early, if you were counting by summer standards, barely after nine o'clock, and my mind was restless. I felt better about my conversation with Jake than I had expected. It seemed silly now to me that I had expected us to not even speak, and yet there we were having a completely amicable conversation, all teasing aside. It didn't lessen my feelings of dread toward the marriage though, as I felt my mother was still rushing, which I planned to fully discuss at our next therapy session. I was impatient with the "get to know you" sessions, and was ready to delve into the dangerous territory. If I was going to be forced into therapy, at least I should get some things off my chest.

That didn't go exactly as planned once we were seated in front of Mr. Marrison.

"I think we should focus on the separation between Mr. Edwards and yourself, Helen," he began. I frowned, knowing this conversation would probably not only take up our entire session, but most likely at least two more.

"There had been an increasing distance between Clare's father and me, beginning when we had issues with our eldest daughter, Darcy," my mother led. "She had some difficulties when she was in high school, and it drove a rift between Randall and me on how to handle her."

I listened as my mother talked about Darcy's problems, and the fights she and Dad had had about sending her to that spring break program. My mother even admitted that she wished they had sought counseling during that time.

"At what point did separation become more than just an idea?" he asked.

"It became clear that Randall was having an affair last fall. I confronted him about it, and we decided to end the marriage. My trust was irrevocably broken, and he didn't care to gain it back."

I hated hearing my mother talk about my father like that, but a little piece of me was angry too. I would probably never be able to understand how he could do that to her. I had always respected my father, unquestioningly, and I felt betrayed that he had walked away from our family.

"Clare, how did you take the news?" Mr. Marrison asked me.

"Not well..." I admitted. "I tried to avoid it, to be honest. I thought if I didn't give them the opportunity to tell me, then it wouldn't happen."

"Clare began acting out," my mother interjected, and my jaw dropped.

"When you say, 'acting out', what exactly are you referring to?"

"She went out without our permission, broke curfew, and was sent home from school for breaking the dress code. I was shocked at her behavior. I didn't raise my daughter to go to school in a mini skirt and fishnets."

I struggled to pick my jaw up off the floor. How was this conducive to therapy? Was he really just going to sit there and let her bash me like that?

"Clare, what led you to those behaviors?"

"I was angry. I was really, really angry, and my mother was acting like nothing was wrong!" I felt my temper flaring. "She and my dad came to my theatre awards and argued the whole time. They didn't even listen to my speech when I won an award! Then, she had the nerve to tell me I couldn't go out with my boyfriend afterwards, so I went anyway. Since she didn't have the patience to deal with my father long enough to be proud of me at my awards show, I decided I didn't have the patience for my curfew!"

"I was proud of you!" my mother exclaimed, but I ignored her.

"The only time my parents could stop fighting was if they were angry at me, so I continued. I got a cartilage piercing and wore inappropriate clothes to school, but it was all for nothing. They still got divorced, obviously."

My mother opened her mouth to speak again.

"I know it was stupid," I said, point blank. "But I was desperate. Neither one of you was listening to anything I said, and I didn't like it!"

"Helen, would you like to explain what your thoughts were during that time?"

"I was hurt!" she exclaimed. I looked over, in shock, to see tears streaming down my mother's face. "I had just found out Randall was cheating on me, repeatedly! All I wanted was to be able to sit down and explain to Clare what was happening, and she refused! I wanted to get it over with, so Randall could go, and we had to keep sitting there night after night after night!"

I watched as my mother buried her face in her hands. I was surprised to feel a trail of my own tears flow down my cheek.

"I think we should continue this next session. I know these subjects are difficult, but we're really breaking some fresh ground here, and I know you both have strong feelings about these issues," Mr. Marrison explained. "If you'll excuse me, I'll give you some time to collect yourselves. Please, take all the time you need."

I was a bit confused that he would end our session on such a note, but as he closed the door behind him, I turned back to see my mother's face still resting in her thin hands. She sniffled as she calmed down, and I reached over to the side table, taking a tissue for myself before handing one to her.

My mother looked at me gratefully as she began dabbling the smudged makeup around her eyes.

"I didn't mean to get so upset," she admitted, clearing her throat.

"Neither did I..."

"Come on, we don't want to take up his office all day. I'm sure he has other appointments."

With that, my mother didn't say another word the entire way home. I kept expecting her to at least make small talk, but it seemed the session had taken its toll on her. Once we arrived home, I stopped her before she opened the front door.

"Mom, if it's okay, I'm gonna take a walk," I semi-asked.

"Sure, dear, just be home before dark, or if you need me to come get you, call me," she said softly before turning and heading inside.

I walked the sidewalks of the neighboring streets slowly, my thoughts jumbling all over the place. Talking about those particular moments of the divorce process had opened up freshly healed scars for both of us, and I wasn't sure how to deal with that. I hadn't even paid much attention to where I was going until I realized I was standing in front of Eli's house.

If I hadn't been so distraught, I might've smiled to myself. It shouldn't have surprised me that now, opening up the wounds from last fall, I would want to turn to the very person who had helped me through the first time around. I wiped a solitary tear from underneath my chin as I walked up the sidewalk, hesitating only briefly before ringing the bell.


	7. Chapter VII

**All I Ask Of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. Sorry for the completely cruel delay on this chapter. I got wrangled into acting in a local haunted theatre, and I only found out two days before it started, so there went my free time. Also, for the record, Nowhere To Run made me want to punch people. Namely Clare. Repeatedly. I'll try not to take out my frustration with her in the fic though... I'll try.**

**Chapter 7**

**You're Talking in Riddles, and It's Not Like You**

I waited patiently as I heard the doorbell chime inside. My insides started to squirm as I stood there on the front steps of Eli's house. Finally, I heard footsteps approaching along with the click of the lock being unlatched. Eli's face peered around the door, going from curious to confused within a three second span.

"Clare?" he spoke, clearly at a loss for my sudden unannounced appearance.

"Hi," I answered awkwardly. "Um... I... Can I come in?"

His brow furrowed, Eli stood aside, motioning me inside.

"Your parents aren't home?" I asked as I stepped inside, noting the unusual quiet of the Goldsworthy household.

"Cece's having a 'girls' night' with her old high school friends and Bullfrog's at the station," he explained. "What brings you here, Edwards?"

"My umm... I had a counseling session with my mom today..." I began, unsure of what I wanted to say since I'd arrived.

"Uh... okay..." Eli looked around, apparently at a loss for words as well.

"Some stuff came up about the divorce, and my mom got really upset," I finally said, looking at my shoes. "She talked about the cheating and me acting out."

Eli remained silent.

"It was just... overwhelming... and when we got home, I just didn't want to be there... and when the divorce was going on, I had you to turn to, and you were my rock," I told him, looking up and meeting his eyes. "I guess I just needed to turn to someone this time too..."

"Clare..." he started then stopped himself, raising his clenched hand up in front of his mouth, breathing into it.

"I... I'm sorry to just show up, but I didn't even really think about where I was going. I just knew that I needed to see you," I told him honestly.

Eli's clenched hand released and came to rest behind his neck, and he started to pace in the foyer. I felt my insides squirming again, unsure of what exactly he was reacting to. I knew I was out of line to just show up, but I thought once I got here that he would know what to say, what to do to make me feel better, and it seemed he was at a loss.

"Eli?" I asked timidly.

"Clare... I... I don't..." he stammered, wringing his hands.

"Eli, are you okay? Are you... Are you having a panic attack?" I asked slowly, not wanting to hurt his feelings, but purely concerned by his behavior.

"I need to sit down," he said suddenly, dashing across the foyer into the living room. I followed, perching myself on the Goldsworthy's coffee table across from him. The scene struck my memory like a bolt of lightning as I remembered his surprise visit to my own house, so many months ago.

"Eli, talk to me, please," I begged, feeling every bit of an idiot for even coming over.

Eli buried his face in his hands, taking deep breaths.

"Clare, I can't... do this..." he breathed.

"Do what, Eli? What do you need? Did the doctor give you something for this? Do I need to find your medicine?" I asked hurriedly, starting to stand up.

Eli's hand found my knee, halting me.

"I don't need a pill, Clare. It's not that. It's... I... I can't be... here for you... like this right now..."

I crinkled my brow in confusion, wondering if I heard him correctly.

"What do you mean? I didn't... I didn't mean..." I found myself stammering.

"I can't be your rock right now," he said softly, his head rising up from his hand. "Too much has happened, Clare. You can't just come here and expect me to let you run into my arms for shelter like the past few months haven't meant anything. I... You have to learn how to be your own rock right now. I can't do it for you..."

"I don't... I don't want you to do it for me... I know I have to... I just... I shouldn't have come," I shook my head, fighting back the urge to cry. Eli's words hit me deeper than I expected them to. I knew our newly rekindled friendship was still shaky, so why had I come here, expecting to dump my baggage on him? It was stupid, and he didn't need this. Eli was doing so well, but his mental stability was still a struggle for him, and I knew that.

I tried to stand up again, but Eli's hand remained on my knee. I felt the bridge of my nose begin to burn as the tears I was holding back began to pool in my eyes. Eli held my gaze with his own, and I saw the anguish behind them.

"Please don't cry," he breathed.

I couldn't help it as the tears spilled over the edge. Something about that phrase always got me, from the time I was little. I looked away, trying in vain to hide them.

Eli's hand rose from my knee to grasp my arm, pulling me towards him, and once again, we sat with barely an inch between us, in each other's arms, though unlike the scene I remembered before, I was the one needing comfort. His was the hand rubbing my back gently as I cried into the nook between his neck and shoulder. Embarrassing sobs left my chest, and I gripped Eli's faded t-shirt in my hands.

"I'm sorry," he breathed into my hair, his tight embrace wrapping me in comfort.

My tears began to lessen and I breathed deeply, trying to regain my composure.

"Tell me about the counseling session..." he invited, unwrapping his arms from around me and wiping the tears from my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

"You don't have to..." I said quietly, ashamed at my outburst.

"It's okay. I think I can handle it... We just both need to remember that you're here, seeking comfort from a friend, and I'm providing comfort to you... as a friend..." he explained, a slightly nervous look adorning his face.

I was suddenly aware of our physical proximity, and I scooted myself sideways on the couch, putting a good two feet between us.

"Better?" I asked. Eli rolled his eyes.

"My mom said some things that made me feel really guilty about the way I acted last fall," I began. "I guess without knowing about the infidelity involved, I wasn't making it very easy on her. She had enough on her plate without a petulant daughter refusing to see reality..."

"I'd be lying to you if I told you that you were being completely rational and mature for a bit there," Eli said carefully.

"I know," I sighed. "I was horrible to her. I'm still horrible to her. I can't help it. It's this whole remarriage thing. It's too soon, and I can't help but feel a little bit of anger towards her because if it wasn't for her and Glen, Jake wouldn't have unceremoniously dumped me at the prom..."

"Yeah..." Eli stretched out. "Not his finest moment. I don't know why people think school dances are the best break-up spots."

"Touché," I smirked, and Eli flashed one of his own.

"Was this the first time you found out about your dad cheating?" he asked.

"Nope," I pursed my lips. "I found their divorce papers not too long after spring break. My mom just left them laying there on the kitchen table."

"Wow, hell of a way to find out," Eli commented.

"No kidding. That's another issue all together though. I haven't talked to my dad in weeks. I just can't understand how he could do that to her, to us..." My words fell off as I lost myself in thought. My dad's betrayal hurt worse than my anger towards Mom and Glen by far, and I felt myself choking up again. I tried to look up at the ceiling fan, wanting my tears to cease.

"If you need to cry, Clare. You don't have to hide it," Eli said softly. I lowered my gaze to meet his to see the soft compassion radiating from his face. I wanted so badly for him to hold me again, to rub my back and make it all disappear. "Do you want some tea?" he asked.

I nodded, sniffling a little. As Eli got up to head to the kitchen, I slipped into the downstairs bathroom, blowing my nose and wiping the moisture from beneath my eyes. My cheeks were splotchy and red, but until I could calm myself down, I knew they would stay that way. After tossing my used tissues in the trashcan, I followed Eli into the kitchen. He had just put the old family kettle on the stove, a heavy deep blue old-fashioned piece that always made me think of Cece.

"Shouldn't take too long," he said, pulling a box of tea bags out of the cabinet and offering it to me. "Wanna take your pick?"

I looked through their expansive collection of teas. Cece was a hot beverage connoisseur. She had recipes and ingredients to make teas, ciders, and hot chocolates for days. I found a simple green tea, placing it on the counter before passing the box back to Eli. He plucked out a matching bag before putting the box away.

We stood in silence for a moment, before I voiced my thoughts.

"Thank you," I told him. "For letting me unload on you... and making me tea."

I felt a blush rise to my cheeks as my words floated between us. The corner of Eli's mouth turned up in a signature smirk. Eli and I jumped a little as the kettle began to whistle on the stove, and we both chuckled nervously as Eli reached to turn the eye off. I reached up in the cabinet to pull down two mugs, still familiar with the Goldsworthy's kitchen though I hadn't been in it for the last few months.

Eli and I carried our tea back to the living room. He sat in Bullfrog's worn leather recliner, and I perched myself back on the couch. I filled him in some more on our therapy session, and he listened intently, commenting and questioning as I talked about my mother's impending marriage and missing Darcy. I didn't cry anymore, but I knew the urge wasn't far away. I had to take deep breaths in between some of my sentences, and I was sure Eli noticed.

Before I knew it, night had fallen, and my cell phone rang in my pocket. I pulled it out, already knowing it was my mother.

"Hey mom," I greeted solemnly.

"Clare, honey, are you okay? It's getting late, and I wanted to make sure you didn't need me to come get you," she answered, a faint worry audible behind her words.

"I'm fine... I... I just stopped by... Katie Matlin's... to talk about some ideas for the newspaper next year," I tried to sound calm, my brow furrowing. Eli rolled his eyes and stifled a laugh at my poor attempt at a cover story.

"Oh... okay, well you need to head home soon. Can Katie bring you home?"

"Can Katie bring me home?" I repeated, staring intently at Eli. He smirked and nodded. "Yeah, she can. I'll be home in a bit, okay?"

"Alright, honey. See you soon. Bye."

"Bye, Mom."

Eli chuckled as I locked my cell phone.

"It's not funny," I defended.

"You know, at some point, you're going to run out of excuses if you keep hanging out with me," he teased.

"Oh, you mean we'll be spending more time together? I figured you'd be getting sick of me," I fired back.

"Maybe if you play your cards right," he retorted. "But we should probably start getting you back. Perhaps you didn't notice, but I don't exactly have a car here to drive you."

"Oh... right..." I had forgotten that with both his parents gone, there wasn't a vehicle for him to use.

"I don't mind walking you home," he offered.

"You don't have to do that," I protested, knowing he'd have to walk back alone.

"Nah, it's no big deal. Just let me shoot the parentals a text as to my whereabouts, and we'll be on our way," he insisted.

A few minutes later, we departed the house, walking side by side down the narrow sidewalk. I felt myself blush a few times as our hands brushed together from having to walk so close together, but Eli made no sign of reaction that I could detect.

Our conversation fell in random spurts. We'd talk about a movie or a book we'd read, then fall silent for a few minutes. My feet were tiring as we reached my street, but I kept pace with Eli, knowing I was almost home. I stopped him a few houses down from mine, not wanting my mother to see him walking me home.

"I think it's best you don't walk me to the door," I told him regretfully as I turned to face him.

"Yeah, I don't really fancy an encounter with your mom, no offense," he teased.

"Thanks for walking me home... and for the tea... and before..." I said softly, looking up at him.

"No problem," he returned. An awkward moment of silence fell between us. I was unsure of how to end our night. Should I hug him? Would it be too forward of me to want to?

"You're looking at me funny," he announced, and I felt my cheeks redden.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to, I just..." I stammered.

One of Eli's brows raised behind his dark hair. "Just what?"

"Um... I was going to hug you goodbye, but I... I didn't know if..."

Eli laughed and then stepped towards me, holding his arms out with a roll of his eyes. I felt silly, but I wrapped my arms around his neck as his wrapped around my back.

"Thanks," I said into his shoulder.

We broke apart slowly, and suddenly our cheeks were brushing past one another as I came down from my tiptoes. I lost my breath a little as I felt the sudden urge to kiss him wash over me. I didn't know if he felt it too, but I knew I wasn't the only one lingering. My hands were still on his shoulders, his still on my waist when he spoke, our faces only inches apart.

"I uh..."

I might've laughed at his lack of articulation if my stomach wasn't in knots. Our eyes met, and I found myself leaning towards him. Our lips were mere centimeters from touching. I could feel his staggered breaths, and just as our lips barely brushed against one another, suddenly he pulled away, clearing his throat.

I stood there confused as to what had just happened. Why had he pulled away?

"I should get home," Eli blurted out, and with some swift motion, he put his hands in his pockets and set off on a brisk walk in the opposite direction. I watched him for a few moments, as he never looked back, striding around the corner and out of sight. I turned on my heel, heading to my house and inside.

"Clare," my mother called from the kitchen, startling me as I closed the door behind me.

"Yeah, it's me," I answered, following her voice.

"I made some chicken salad," she offered, pointing to a bowl on the counter with a box of small croissants. "I was just about to eat, if you want to join me?"

"Sure, sounds great," I feigned enthusiasm, taking the plate she then offered me.

As we sat down to eat dinner, my almost encounter with Eli remained heavy on my mind. Should I have leaned in? Why did I have to end the evening on such an awkward note? Mostly though, I was confused as to why Eli had pulled away and practically run... I couldn't deny the fact that it made me almost a little agitated, and I couldn't understand why he would just turn tail and leave.

I went to bed that night still bothered, but after the emotionally draining day I had stumbled through, I fell into a hard sleep. The last thoughts swimming before I fell were of Eli, analyzing, wondering, and hoping.


	8. Chapter VIII

**All I Ask Of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. Thanks for the sweet messages over the weekend guys! I really appreciated you guys keeping my family in your thoughts and prayers. It meant a lot to me, so thanks so much. Also, be on the lookout for a new story, sort of an AU Maislinn zombie-pocalypse type deal. Check out my twitter and/or tumblr for a short video about it at takethecurve or at takethecurve dot tumblr dot com. Also, links will be posted in my profile as well as on tumblr for some things discussed in this chapter. :)**

**Chapter 8**

**No Backward Glances**

Seven days. Seven entire days had passed since my almost kiss with Eli, and to say I was distraught was a gross understatement. I felt like my stomach had been ripped out and replaced with lead, and my brain was in a constant state of restlessness. The worst part was it was just as much my fault that we hadn't seen or spoken to one another as it was Eli's. I couldn't seem to make myself scroll to his name or hit send on any of the hundred or so text messages I'd typed. I couldn't help but wonder if he was doing the same thing, but my head told me he probably wasn't.

My mother had taken my lack of social activities as an excuse to dive headfirst into wedding planning. There wasn't time to special order anything, so both of our dresses were going to have to come off the rack, with as few alterations as possible, as the summer wedding season kept most of the seamstresses in Toronto booked up for weeks ahead of schedule.

We had just left a slightly less unnerving counseling appointment when my mom decided an impromptu dress hunt was in order. I tried not to scowl as she parked in front of a small bridal boutique. I could take one look at the ritzy window display to know I was definitely going to be out of luck. My mom had a taller, thinner frame than me, though, so she might have some success.

I plopped myself down on an antique-looking loveseat while the over-eager sales girl pulled dresses for my mother. Mom had already established that she was too old for a traditional wedding gown, but she did want something more than just a plain ivory frock. I had been absentmindedly scrolling through Facerange on my phone when something caught my eye.

Fiona Coyne had posted a picture from last night. Staring at me through the phone was a smirking Eli with his arm around a very smiley Imogen Moreno. I didn't know much about Imogen other than the brief encounters I'd had with her while trying to cover Eli's play, and none of them left me with a particularly pleasant impression.

Well, he obviously wasn't sitting at home worrying about me, I thought to myself. I hastily closed the Facerange app, wanting to distance myself from the slew of less than polite thoughts streaming through my head.

"Oh Clare, I think this is it!" my mother exclaimed, pulling my attention from the phone.

She stood before me in an almost tea length ivory dress. It had shorter cap sleeves, with a lace overlay over the top of the dress, with faint hints of sparkly beadwork in the lace. It had a vintage fifties feel to it, and it really suited my mother to a tee. I couldn't help but smile at her, as she beamed in front of the mirrors.

"Mom, you look beautiful," I told her honestly. I wasn't sure why I couldn't see her as a bride before, but she looked every bit of one here in this small store.

"I think we'll take it!" my mother said excitedly to the sales girl before turning back to me. "Alright Clare, your turn."

I frowned knowing she wanted me to try on dresses, but I knew there wasn't a thing in this store to contain my bust and curves, not to mention everything would have to be hemmed up at least a foot.

"Oh stop scowling, Piper says she has just the thing for you," my mother encouraged as I stood up from the loveseat. Sure enough, Piper, the sales girl, came back at that moment with a half-dozen dresses in her arms, hanging them inside the dressing room adjacent to the one my mother had been using.

Reluctantly, I stepped inside, closing the curtain behind me, and kicked my shoes off. All the dresses she had picked were in various shades of light blues, which I knew my mother had probably picked out just for me. She knew it would set off my pale skin and my blue eyes, and I felt a swell of gratitude for her thoughtfulness in that moment.

The first dress wasn't terrible, but it wasn't good either. I wasn't really one for strapless dresses, and this one was definitely not going to work. I would need a medieval corset to hold my chest up in this thing, and I knew I would just be pulling at it all day, so it was nixed pretty quickly. The second dress was pretty, cut similar to my mother's with cap sleeves, but my height didn't make for a flattering look. It was definitely meant for someone at least five foot seven, and I lacked more than a few inches to pull it off.

Finally, the third dress was a winner. It was probably supposed to be knee length on a taller girl, but it fell to a perfect tea length on me, with a flattering a-line cut, and straps just wide enough that I could wear a real bra with it. The top wasn't too low, and the satin material shined as I twirled around in front of the mirror.

"Oh Clare!" my mother exclaimed, and I couldn't help but smile. I did love the dress, despite my reservations on the wedding itself. "It's perfect!"

I smiled in front of the mirror as my mother turned to Piper, the sales girl, once more, asking if they had anything else in this shade of blue for Darcy. Sure enough, the lady pulled a strapless, knee-length dress that looked perfect for her. I was thankful we weren't wearing completely matching dresses, as I would surely pale in comparison next to Darcy, but I really felt like each dress would complement us in our own way.

After my mother paid for all the dresses, we piled them carefully in their white dress bags in the back seat and set off towards the house. With the excitement of our dress finds behind us, the bitter feelings I had about Eli's picture with Imogen began to resurface. Was he seeing her? Was that why he left?

Those thoughts once again left my head as I was surprised to see the Martin's pickup truck parked in front of our house when we got home. Glen and Jake were sitting on the couch watching a baseball game when we walked through the front door.

"Good evening, ladies," Glen greeted with a huge grin.

"Hello there, gentlemen," my mother smiled back, putting her purse and keys down on the kitchen table before striding over to kiss Glen quickly. I smiled back politely at Jake, unsure of exactly what level of kinship we had progressed towards.

"And what is all this?" Glen asked, pointing to the three dress bags I had slung over my shoulder.

"Nope, no peeking. Those are our dresses for the big day!" my mother explained, pushing his hand down.

"I'll just go put these upstairs, shall I?" I suggested, without trying to intrude.

"Sure, just put them in Darcy's old room. That closet's empty for the time being," my mom suggested. "Until Jake takes it over."

I swallowed a lump in my throat thinking of Jake being one door down from me in my house... or soon-to-be our house. As I walked up the stairs, I shuddered thinking about having to share a bathroom with him. That would be awkward even if we hadn't dated.

I hung the dresses up in Darcy's near-empty closet. The only things that remained were her old Spirit Squad outfits and a set of pom-poms thrown haphazardly on the floor. As I slowly descended the stairs back into family-zone, I heard my mother's voice quietly. I ducked back behind the window in our staircase to listen.

"It went really well. I was actually pleasantly surprised. I thought Clare was going to put up a fight about picking out dresses, but she was completely on board!"

I shouldn't have been surprised by her sentiments, but it did annoy me a little that she was talking about me like I wasn't supposed to be back at any second.

"Eavesdropping?" a deep voice whispered behind me shoulder.

I had to brace myself against the window ledge to keep from falling headfirst down the stairs as Jake crept up behind me.

"Sneaking around much?" I shot back.

"Just went to the bathroom, not my fault you're lurking on the stairs," he joked, passing me down to the first floor. I shook my head in annoyance as I followed him.

"So what's for dinner?" Jake asked. I stifled a laugh.

"What's so funny?" Glen asked, innocently.

I felt heat rise to my cheeks on being called out.

"Just that Jake's _always_ hungry," I pointed out, plopping down in one of the chairs in the living room.

"I can't help it!" he defended, and we all shared a laugh at his expense. My mother got up, setting off to the kitchen before Glen stopped her.

"Why don't we give you a break from the cooking?" he offered. "Let's all go out, my treat."

"Well, how can I say, 'no'?" my mother smiled, and we all piled into my mother's car and arrived shortly afterward at Little Miss Steaks. You would think being in a city as large as ours that we might have some variety in our eating locales, but the Martins were fiercely loyal to the steakhouse.

Once we were seated in a booth near the back, my mother and Glen on one side, Jake and I on the other, I skimmed the menu quickly, deciding on my usual before scanning the other tables to see if there were any familiar faces.

Sure enough, I found several people I knew. KC and his mother were at a two-top halfway across the restaurant from us, and I spotted Jenna looking thoroughly uncomfortable with Mr. and Mrs. Bhandari in a booth near the restrooms. What really caught my eye though, was a particularly loud table close to the bar. Sitting in a big circular booth were Fiona, Imogen, Eli, Adam, Bianca, Drew, and Katie. They were all laughing about something Drew had apparently said, and I caught Adam's eye briefly. His glance looked apologetic before he turned back to the conversation, not making any mention of seeing me.

I turned back to our table annoyed. I didn't look back at their table the rest of the time we were there, but I heard their laughs and the louder bits of their conversations, while I scowled into my plate.

"You know, I think the cow is already dead, but boy, if looks could kill," Jake broke me from my trance, elbowing me playfully in the side. I looked up to see my mother and Glen staring at me, concerned.

"Sorry, I just..." I reached for anything to say other than I'm angry because my ex-boyfriend almost kissed me, and now he's out with all his friends like nothing happened.

"Maybe you need some air?" Jake suggested, and I looked up to see something more behind his eyes.

"Yeah, I need some air," I repeated after him, wiping my hands on my napkin, and standing up. Jake followed, and I was surprised our parents didn't protest.

I could hear Jake's footsteps behind mine as I made my way to the door, careful not to the look in the direction of Eli's table. Once we got outside, I darted around the corner into the alley before I took a deep breath of the summer air.

"So, I take it something went down between you and one of our 'friends' at that other table," Jake hypothesized, making finger quotes in the air as he leaned against the outer brick wall.

"I can't talk to you about this," I complained, leaning on the wall beside him, looking up at the star-filled sky.

"Boy problems?" he guessed.

"Ugh, please stop talking," I groaned. "You can't possibly expect me to talk to you about it even if it was?"

"Clare, we can do one of two things here. We can avoid these awkward topics and keep things awkward between us, or we can try to be friends and eventually move into sibling territory. I'm all for the non-awkward route myself," Jake explained.

I took another deep breath.

"Ever since the shooting at prom, I've been hanging out with Eli and Adam," I confessed. "And... sometimes just Eli."

I saw Jake purse his lips, but he didn't say anything.

"And then my mom forbade me from seeing him at all after I talked about him in one of our family counseling sessions," I admitted. "But I didn't listen."

"So you've been sneaking around to see a guy? Who'da thought?" Jake teased.

"Shut up," I elbowed him. "Well about a week ago, I had a really rough counseling session with Mom, and afterwards I went to see Eli. I talked to him about it, and it was really... great. He's a good friend... but then he walked me home, and we... well... we almost kissed..."

I paused, unsure of what Jake's reaction would be.

"Right..." he dragged out.

"Well he turned around and bolted, and I haven't heard from him since," I complained. "But he's here having the time of his life, and I'm the one moping and feeling like an idiot."

"You're not an idiot, Clare," Jake assured me. "Did you try to talk to him?"

"Define try?" I said shamefully.

"Did you actually call him?" he laughed.

"No," I admitted sheepishly.

"Do you want my advice?" he offered.

"Yes and no?"

Jake smiled, "Eli's probably as confused as you are. You just got out of a relationship with a _wonderful_ guy..." I elbowed him again. "And he probably thinks you're rebounding, but what he doesn't know is that this _charming_ guy..." I scoffed. "Was actually the rebound."

"You're kinda great, you know that?" I surmised. I never would have thought a few weeks ago that Jake and I could have this kind of camaraderie, but yet here we were.

"So I've been told," he laughed. "Shall we get back inside?"

"Do we have to?" I groaned, thinking about having to walk back by that table.

"Of course! I have a quarter of a steak left! Are you kidding?"

I shook my head in disbelief at his never ending appetite as we walked back in Little Miss Steaks. I took one glance at the table where Eli's group was, but I was surprised to find one member of their party missing.

Eli.


	9. Chapter IX

**All I Ask Of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. You guys blew me away with your feedback on the last chapter. Seriously, I don't even know what to say other than that you guys are beyond awesome!**

**Chapter 9**

**Wandering Child**

I tried to act like nothing was bothering me as Glen drove us home in my mother's car, but the truth was, Eli's disappearance from the restaurant intrigued me. Why would he have left when all his other friends showed no sign of being ready to go? I couldn't help but let the selfish feeling wash over me as I wondered if he left because he by chance saw me out of the corner of his eye. Still, I wasn't sure why that would have bothered him enough to make him want to flee.

My mother was all smiles and hospitality when we got back inside, taking out the half-gallon of ice cream from our freezer and making everyone sundaes. I ate mine slowly, my mind still traveling down a hundred different winding roads as Jake told a funny anecdote about a particular fishing adventure he and Glen had experienced the previous weekend.

"Dad was convinced he had something huge, and made all these ridiculous motions trying to get the thing above the water, and you should have seen his face when he realized he had a huge turtle on the end of his line!" he laughed.

"I swear to you, it thrashed! I could have sworn I had hooked a big bass!" Glen defended.

I was smiling at their exchange as I heard a chime from the living room. I got up, suspecting it was my phone, left inside my purse that I'd thrown haphazardly on the couch when we walked in.

_Adam: Call me when you get this._

Short and simple. Very Adam. I walked back into the kitchen, phone in hand.

"That was Alli. I'm gonna go upstairs and call her back. Thanks for dinner, Glen," I said quickly.

"You're very welcome, Clare," he smiled back before turning his attention back to my mother.

After climbing up the stairs to my room, I plopped down on my bed, the phone already ringing.

"That was quick," Adam answered.

"Yeah well, you did say to call when I got the message," I tried to tease.

"I take it you noticed Eli's quick exit tonight," he commented.

"Oh yes, that and the fact that you guys were very thoughtful to have invited me," I said bitterly.

"He asked me not to," Adam admitted. "I didn't realize you would find out. Sorry."

"It's fine," I told him. "Do you have any idea why he's been avoiding me?"

"I would assume it has something to do with that day you went to his house, but he's been kinda greedy with the details."

I rolled my eyes.

"How very like him," I said dryly. "We had a 'moment' that night when he walked me home. We almost kissed, and then he turned and practically ran away."

I heard Adam sigh dramatically on the other end of the phone.

"That would explain why he got so agitated at seeing you with Jake tonight," Adam said offhand.

"Okay, first of all, I was not 'with' Jake," I defended. "We were out with our parents. Didn't you see them on the other side of the booth?"

"Actually no," Adam answered, surprising me. "By the time I saw you across the room, you were already seated, and the partition behind the booth was tall enough that I didn't know anyone was on the other side until you all got up and left."

"Which Eli didn't see because he dashed out early," I surmised.

"You know, the amount of miscommunication that goes on between you two deserves a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records," Adam teased.

"Ugh," I sighed dramatically. "Did he say anything before he left?"

"Nope, just excused himself, and Imogen tried to follow him, but he told her to stay," Adam explained which sparked my curiosity.

"Speaking of Imogen, what exactly is going on there?" I asked hastily.

"She's in love with him," Adam confirmed. "But I'm about one-hundred and ninety percent sure the feelings aren't mutual. I think he gets kind've annoyed with her to be honest. She doesn't exactly take hints well."

"Ah..." I breathed a sigh of relief. "So... what do you think I should do?"

"This is as far as I get involved. I just wanted to know what was going on. You guys bring me in and out of the loop so much, it's not exactly easy to keep track," he weighed.

"I'm sorry," I said truthfully. "You always end up the middle man, even when we don't mean for you to be."

"I guess it's an occupational hazard of being friends with you two," he laughed. "Alright, well, I've gotta go. Drew, Katie, and Bianca are waiting for me downstairs. Bianca brought Truth or Dare Jenga, and I'm pretty sure Katie would murder me repeatedly if I didn't join them."

"Ha! I'm sure it doesn't hurt that you get to partner with the lovely Miss DeSousa either," I teased. "Don't think I haven't noticed how much time you've been spending with her."

"Whatever, Clare. You and I both know she's just here to get Drew back," Adam tried to brush me off. I could hear the faint bit of longing behind his voice.

"If you say so," I responded. "Have fun."

"Later."

I laid back on my bed as the call ended. So Eli thought I was at the steakhouse with Jake, which understandably agitated him. That didn't explain his long silence since our almost kiss though, and that bothered me more than his reaction at the restaurant.

I heard the front door closing downstairs before the light tapping of my mother's flats on the stairs. She knocked lightly on my door before opening it, leaning casually on the door facing.

"How was Alli?" she asked.

"Homesick," I lied. "She loves the camp, but she hasn't made a lot of friends."

"Well she'll be home soon enough, and you two can make up for lost time," my mother smiled.

I nodded, unsure of what to say next.

"I notice you haven't talked much during the last couple of sessions with Mr. Marrison," my mother tossed. I was surprised by the sudden turn of topic.

"Oh... umm... I guess I haven't had much to say," I struggled to know what to say even in this conversation.

"I just want to make sure you're okay, Clare. I know this year's been hard on you," she said comfortingly, walking across the room and sitting on the end of my bed. "I want us going to therapy to open back up the lines of communication between us."

I felt a slight chill of disdain sweeping behind me as she spoke. It was never that I didn't want to talk to my mother, just that she and I didn't see things in the same light.

"Mom, can I be honest about something?" I looked her in the eye.

"Of course," she predictably answered.

"I don't like that you told me I couldn't hang out with Eli," I admitted, leaving out the fact that I'd broken that request already.

My mother was silent, but I noticed her lips pursing. Finally she let out a small sigh that seem drenched in disappointment.

"I just don't understand why you would want to reconnect with him," she admitted. "I saw how stressed and confused you were before you ended it with him, and I don't want to see you that way again."

"He's better now," I tried to defend.

"He is bipolar, Clare. He will never be better, only controlled. I don't want that for you," she replied sternly.

Her words felt sharp, laced with undue hatred.

"You don't even know him!" I found myself half-shouting, knowing I sounded immature, but not even bothering to care.

"I know enough," she shot back, her own voice rising slightly. "He crashed a car on purpose, Clare. What if you had been in the car with him? He is dangerous!"

"If I had been in the car with him, it never would have happened!" I felt my nose burning as tears threatened to spill.

"I'm done talking about this. My decision stands. You are not to see him," my mother reiterated, smoothly out the fabric of her skirt, taking care not to look at me.

"I already did," I fired back, anger seeping into my speech. "More than once."

My mother's eyes shot up, the surprise of my admission evident.

"Why would you disobey me like this?" she asked, her brown creasing behind her dark hair.

"Because you make all these rules and expect me to live up to them, but you don't even know what you're asking of me! I make the highest marks possible, I go to church, I have all these extracurriculars, I help you with all these volunteer events, and you never ask me what I want!" I exclaimed, tears falling down my freckled cheeks.

"What do you want?" my mother snapped back calmly, and I was taken aback. "Please, Clare. Enlighten me."

I sat before her silent. My tears weaved crooked paths down my face as we stared each other down before she finally stood up.

"When you figure that out, let me know. Until then, you are not to see him, and if you lie to me again about who you're hanging out with outside of this house, you won't be seeing anyone the rest of the summer. I have no qualms about grounding you, Clare. This is for your own good. I had hoped you and I had turned a corner, but it seems I was mistaken."

With that, she closed the door behind her. I fell back on my pillows, angry at both her and myself. She was being unfair, but I knew I wasn't handling the situation well either. What did I want? I wanted to feel better, but what would make that happen? I wanted to fix things with Eli, but would that fix me? I didn't want to fight with my mom, but that wouldn't fix the other things swimming laps in my head.

I was going to have to get my mom to understand Eli. That much was evident in my mind, but before that could even begin to happen, Eli and I were going to have to hash out whatever this weirdness was between us, though my mother's threats of grounding were weighing heavy on my shoulders.

It took three nighttime ibuprofen to make me fall asleep that night, and even in my drug-induced slumber, I dreamt of what I would say to Eli. I kept coming back to the fact that he had left so abruptly after our almost kiss. I could rationalize his behavior at the restaurant, but that one moment stuck out in my mind. I had to know what was going on inside his head, but I didn't want to have to resort to another unannounced visit to his house again.

My mother and I had therapy the next day, and I think Mr. Marrison was quite taken aback by our sudden change of attitude.

"I'm sensing some tension here," he surmised after twenty minutes of stiff conversation. I called him Captain Obvious in my head. "Has something happened since our last session?"

"We had a disagreement," my mother admitted. "About Clare's choice in friends. She has been seeing her ex-boyfriend behind my back."

I shot her a glare at her wording but otherwise stayed quiet.

"Eli?" he confirmed after skimming his notes.

"Yes, and I had expressly forbid her from seeing him," my mother stated confidently.

"What led you to that decision?" Mr. Marrison asked.

"He is a toxic influence on her, and I don't think it's suitable for her to be around him. He clearly has some mental issues to focus on, and I don't think Clare needs to have any part in that."

"You talk about him like he's crazy," I piped up. "He is bipolar. It's not his fault that he didn't know before!"

"He crashed a car on purpose!" my mother exclaimed to no one in particular.

"He was sick!" I shouted back, exhausted already of the familiar argument.

"I'm your mother. It is my job to set boundaries and expectations for you, for your own safety and well-being, is it not?" she turned to Mr. Marrison.

"As a parent, one can expect to feel obligated to set guidelines for their children, but you need to ask yourself whom these guidelines are serving and their practicality for the family," he said cryptically. I was instantly annoyed. Why couldn't he just answer the question? "I think that's what I want both of you to think about until our next session."

My mother and I both got up silently and left, and all the way to the car, I thought about how the last thing I wanted to do was spend another awkward twenty minutes in the car with her. My eyes scanned the lines of shops outside as we walked to the car. Finally, I came across a small used bookstore nudged between two trashy looking tween stores.

"Can I stay in town for a bit?" I asked cautiously. She turned around sharply to face me. "I want to check out that little bookshop," I pointed.

My mother let out a sigh before nodding her head. I watched her walk alone the rest of the way to the car, her head drooping slightly. I strolled off towards the bookshop, but I saw her as she drove past, her cell phone up near her ear. Probably called Glen, I assumed.

I entered the little bookshop with avid curiosity. Books were my escape, the world I could venture into when my own failed me. I breathed in the smell of the old books, reveling in the stories they contained, waiting to be discovered. I found myself wandering instantly to the fiction section, taking in the faded titles and worn spines of the novels on the shelves. I ran my left hand along them, feeling the course binding beneath my fingertips, wondering who had owned them previously. How many sets of eyes had taken in their words? Vintage books had stories all their own beyond the print, and perhaps that's what drew me in so feverishly.

I peeked at a handful of volumes before replacing them on the shelf. Finally, my eyes fell upon a faded and slightly tattered looking inhabitant. Its navy blue cover was peeling on the corners, and the pages had the distinct turn down creases lurking sporadically amongst the chapters. I opened the front cover, finding it to be a late nineteen-seventies print of _To Kill A Mockingbird_. It was not the title; however, that gave me pause. It was the name inked on the top left corner.

Goldsworthy.

Without pausing, I took the book to the front of the store, paying the few required bills before exiting in a hurry, desperate to see what else the book held. I took a side street from the bookshop, wanting to distance myself from the counselor's office, and I found myself surprisingly on the same sidewalk as the bench. Our bench. I almost didn't want to sit down on it, afraid that it wouldn't accept me anymore. The idea was ludicrous, but I almost felt unworthy to be there. After finally taking a seat, I opened the book once more.

The writing inside the front was definitely not Eli's; lacking his unique penmanship, a quality I thought was lost on a lot of today's youth. I began to flip through the pages, smiling at the random doodles in the margins, noting the highlighted passages, until the book landed open about three-quarters of the way through, and I found a piece of notebook paper folded in half tucked inside. I pried it from the crease of the book, flipping open the single sheet.

It was on that single sheet that the familiar script of Eli's hand appeared before my eyes.


	10. Chapter X

**All I Ask Of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references.**

**Chapter 10**

**See Why In Shadow I Hide**

_Dear Imaginary Person to Whom my Therapist Thinks I Should Be Writing,_

_ Obviously, considering how horribly addressed this letter is, I don't know to who I should be writing this letter. The doctor says I need to write these letters as if they were journal entries almost, to get certain feelings or actions off my chest so that I don't sit on them until they explode. I want to tell my therapist to explode when she suggests things like this, but she's the boss, so here goes._

_ I thought about writing this to Julia, but I decided that would most likely be counterproductive. I don't need a dependence on letter writing to a dead person on top of all my other neuroses. So I'm just going to imagine this as some random, faceless person, since putting anyone I know in real life would probably bias my writing, which wouldn't serve the proper purpose._

_ I went back to school today. Every person's face I saw was a reminder of the insanity that was Love Roulette. They all know I'm unbalanced now, and it pisses me the fuck off. I liked my tiny bit of anonymity in this school, and now it's all shot to hell. Now I'm Crazy Eli. Poor, Crazy Eli. I know it was necessary, but I can't help but feel like if I had just gotten to stay in school during my mental health holiday, the backlash from my onstage breakdown wouldn't be so obtrusive._

_ I saw her. I didn't try to seek her out, honestly, but it's like I'm just naturally attuned to her presence. She seemed happy, and it fucking kills me. I know that I'm not worthy of her love anymore, what with my newfound diagnosis, on top of my already stellar resume of erratic behavior, but she's my complement. I can't look at her and not wish my hand was the one she held walking down the hallway. I can't walk past her without her strange mix of lavender and vanilla seeping into my very being. I want to be over this, so badly I could scream, but it's just not happening._

_ The worst part is seeing her seem happy, because I know she's not, not truly. I see the longing behind her eyes when he brushes off her conversations, and makes his disinterest so obvious. They have nothing in common except a past as children, and even though I know they'll part eventually, it's torture to watch her kiss him, touch him, hell, even just look at him. None of the fire that I love about her is there with him. None of it. _

_Dear Imaginary Letter Receiver,_

_ Forgive my rudeness for not dedicating another sheet of paper to you, but I need to get this out in haste. I just left her house, and I feel like my very being is simultaneously on fire and freezing to death. She called me back there, and I was fucking terrified. I climbed into bed with her and held her in my arms, and it felt like home, and I wanted to scream, cry, and die all at once. Her hair smelled so good, and the feeling of her body flush with mine was beyond words. If I hadn't been panicking inside my head, I might've not been able to keep my hands from wandering to those curves I've seen so often in my dreams._

_ I didn't sleep at all. My mind just kept running laps upon laps inside my head, remembering what used to be, what could have been, and dare I hope to dream, what could be again. I want so badly for her to be mine again, but at the same time, I fell apart into a million scattered pieces when she left me before, and I never managed to find them all. I feel like I'm playing with fire, and I know how this will end. _

_ I left before she woke. I couldn't stay to see the regret in her eyes when she found me next to her. Because I'm not him. I'm not whole and safe. I'm torn and tattered, barely holding on by my own frayed thread._

Tears fell silently down my cheeks as I read his passages, over and over again, until the scripted letters were burned inside my brain. The logical part of me knew that I needed to remember that even though he had been through therapy and gotten diagnosed, that he was still very much broken when he wrote the first letter. The emotional part of me couldn't help but feel so responsible for the sheer brokenness in his writing.

He was right though. In spite of everything. I was his complement, and he was mine. I had tried so hard to fight my lingering feelings for him, blinding myself with the infatuation that was my fling with Jake, that I hadn't let myself truly think about what Eli's and my relationship and its subsequent destruction had done to me. Jake had shown up so quickly after our breakup, and he was charming, and offered to take my pain and turn it into moments of bliss, and I had reveled in the distraction.

Now, though, with Eli's most private thoughts burned into my skull, I recognized just how much the ending of our relationship had truly affected me. I shunned everything about my time with him, including my own logic. I had built this new person in the mirror, who walked and talked like me, but inside she was different. She didn't care who she hurt. She didn't care at all, about anything... except herself.

I felt the sobs start to crack in my chest as my emotion overcame me. I cursed myself inwardly, wishing I had gone somewhere more secluded to read his letter, but at the same time, my own home was the last place that I would want to be alone with my thoughts on Eli. I tried to take deep breaths to calm myself down, seeing the passersby stare at my awkward emotional breakdown, and only managed to get more upset. Finally, I gathered my things and took off down the sidewalk, keeping my head down, hoping to hide my tear streaked face.

I wanted to see him. No, I needed to see him, but I was endlessly tired of always showing up on his front doorstep, seeking his comfort. He was right. He wasn't whole, and I couldn't keep expecting him to put me back together when I fell apart. I kept coming back to his phrase, that I was his complement, and I knew I needed to be that. There would be times when he could comfort me, but I needed to be strong enough to help him put himself back together. He had done so well on his own, and I couldn't jeopardize that progress. If I was going to be in his life at all, it was no longer going to be as a problem.

...

...

Eli practically flew to the used bookstore on his bike, his recent fight with Cece still lingering in his head. He knew he had overreacted, but she didn't realize what was in that book. Sure, he should have been more specific when he told her to just grab the books on the bottom shelf to get rid of, but he hadn't realized that _that_ book was down there.

Eli threw off his helmet, leaving his bike leaned against the side of the building and ran inside, practically giving the clerk a heart attack.

"Whoa, kid, where's the fire?"

"Sorry, my mom brought a bunch of books in yesterday, donation was listed under Goldsworthy," Eli told him, his breathing labored.

"Yeah, I remember. Crazy lady, no offense," the clerk joked.

"Yeah, yeah, there was a copy of _To Kill A Mockingbird_ in the box..."

"Yeah, tattered looking with a bunch of doodles. I just sold it," the clerk said happily.

"Sold it? When?" Eli began to internally panic.

"Seriously? Like half an hour ago. Cute girl, probably about your age."

"What did she look like?" Eli groaned, fearing the worst. Who else his age had a penchant for used books?

"Really short, kinda pale, shortish curly hair," the clerk described.

"Oh God..." Eli wanted to die. He wanted to die standing right there in the used bookshop.

He stumbled back outside and practically fell against the side of the building where he had rested his bike. How could it even be possible that of all the used bookstores in Toronto, Cece just had to take his books to this one, and Clare just happened to stumble into it, and just happened to find the one needle in the room full of haystacks? It was impossible, so how had it happened?

Eli couldn't find the strength or coordination to get back on his bike, so he had to walk it down the sidewalk, cutting down a side street. He took one look around and got his bearings, internally groaning once more that he'd ended up here of all places. He had trained himself so well to avoid this spot, and yet here it was. Their special bench. Home to almost kisses and the scene of his own heartbreak.

Yet it wasn't empty. Eli felt his legs cease to move as he took in her form, huddled over a crumpled piece of paper, a faded volume on her lap. He felt his jaw fall open, horror seeping into his bones as she cried over his letter. He felt like an idiot child writing those letters to no one, and here, seeing her cry over them, he felt even more an idiot for so carelessly letting those letters out of his grasp. They were supposed to be therapeutic, for his eyes only, and now the one person who he would have never wanted to find them had them in front of her freckled face.

As his feet remained glued to the pavement, flashes of action streaked through his brain. He would run and grab the letter from her, hoping she at least hadn't finished both of them. He would turn and flee, and ask Bullfrog and Cece to let him move far away. He would act like she was crazy, pretend they weren't his, but he knew none of that would work. Judging by the sobs escaping her pink lips, she had not only read them completely, but they were being committed to her memory, seared across her brain.

Suddenly she stood up and gathered her things, taking off in the opposite direction, and Eli found himself ducking back down the side street, hoping in her sweeping turn she didn't see him in her periphery. She kept her head down, obviously still crying, and Eli wanted so badly to follow her. Why shouldn't he follow her? It wasn't like she was still with Jake, but still... He couldn't seem to make his feet move. They remained rooted to the spot, like one of those helpless toys where you pushed a button on the bottom and the jointed man would collapse while his feet remained on the block.

Finally she turned out of sight, and Eli could finally feel fresh air being forced into his lungs. In his internal argument, he must've subconsciously held his breath, because he could feel his face flushed with color as he took a ragged breath. With a shaking hand, he pulled out his phone, scrolling to one of the more frequented calls.

"Are you at home? I need to come over," he breathed.

"Sure, what's going on?" a calm voice answered.

"I'll tell you when I get there. Buzz me in when I text you."

...

...

I basically fell into a heap on my bed when I got home. I was physically and emotionally exhausted, and all I wanted to do was sleep for days. I didn't even bother changing. I just crawled under my covers and shut out the world, refusing dinner when my mother knocked after dark and rolling back over to find sleep again. It wasn't until well past midnight when a faint noise in the night woke me from my depressed slumber.

A faint tinkling sound, like clinking a butter knife on a glass for a wedding toast. I looked around the room, finding nothing out of place, when I heard it again, from the window. I scrunched my brow in confusion as I crawled out of bed, suddenly finding my jeans horribly uncomfortable from my twisting and turning. I pulled back the sheers on my window, and peeked through the blinds. A figure stood downstairs on the grass, but my sleepy eyes took a moment to form a clearer image. Finally, as my vision cleared and my mind clicked, I held back a surprised gasp.

I found the cord to raise the blinds, unlocking my window, and hoping against hope that it didn't squeak as I raised it.

"Eli?" I asked incredulously, still in disbelief at his sudden appearance.

"I need to talk to you," he whisper-shouted back to me.

"I'll be right down," I whispered back, closing the window softly.

I dashed around my room in a moment of panic. What should I do? Should I bring him up? Should I go outside? What does my hair look like? Finally, I brushed all my insecurities away and tiptoed down the stairs. I tried to open the door as silently as possible, beckoning him inside. I held a finger to my lips to let him know that we had to be quiet, and I led him back upstairs. His sneakers on the stairs made a bit more sound than my sock-clad feet, but I prayed fervently that my mother had maybe had a glass of wine before bed, so she would be sleeping soundly.

When we finally got to my room, I closed and locked the door behind him, taking a deep breath before turning to face him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, still in shock.

"I know you found my therapy letter," he admitted, and I could see his hands shaking before he stuffed them in his pockets.

"I didn't mean to," I began.

"I know, it's some crazy coincidence of fate, I guess," he tried to smirk, but I could see just how forced it was for him. He was clearly upset, and I could tell he was trying to hide it.

"Maybe," I nodded. "Or maybe I needed to read them, Eli."

"Nobody needed to read them, Clare. That was kinda the point," he shuffled from one foot to the other.

"I'm so sor.." I tried to say before he interrupted me.

"Please don't apologize to me. You did not cause me to be bipolar," he said sternly. "It was already there, always underneath. I just didn't know it."

I didn't know what else to say, so I just blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"I don't care that you're bipolar," I whisper-shouted.

He just stared at me.

"I don't care that you're not whole or safe! I want you just the way you are! You were right about what you said in that letter! You are my complement, and I've been so stupid, trying to ignore my feelings for you, but I'm so tired of acting like I'm not thinking about you all the time!" I admitted, my face flushing and my own hands shaking.

"Clare, don't..."

"No, I'm tired of this back and forth..." I searched for the right word "Bullshit!"

Both Eli and I shared a look of disbelief at my own swearing.

"I'm tired of acting like I'm not still in love with you, and that letter told me I wasn't wrong to think you feel the same way too!"

I didn't wait for him to react. I don't even know where the sudden burst of courage came from, but the next thing I knew, I strode across the room, reached up, threaded my fingers in his hair, and pulled him down to me, planting my lips on his. He was stoic for only a moment before our lips began to move together. His hands found my sides, gripping my hips, and I tugged roughly at his hair, wanting him still closer to me. It felt like the park bench, the library, and contraband kissing all in one. His lips parted mine, deepening our kiss as I felt his tongue reach out to find mine.

It took a moment for us to part. I slid down off my tiptoes as his hands fell from my waist, and he sat down on my bed. I caught my breath as I realized he held his head in his hands, still trembling as he sat.

His voice came out, a ragged whisper through the cool night air.

"What happens when you change your mind?"


	11. Chapter XI

**All I Ask Of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. I'm so sorry about the delay on this, but you guys should know me well enough by now that when I say I'm going to update… it almost never happens. So I should probably not say when anymore…**

**Chapter 11**

**The Music of the Night**

"What happens when you change your mind?" he had asked. I struggled to find an answer that I felt would be good enough. I sighed, sitting down on the bed beside him.

"I can't tell you that we're going to be together forever, Eli," I began. I could already see his face begin to fall. "But it won't be because I run away again. I should have helped you before, but I ran away like a child, and I've regretted that moment so much."

"I'm not good for you," he whispered. "I'm not good for anyone."

"Look at me!" I whispered, exasperated. "I've spent the last six months being the most selfish person on the planet. What makes you think I'm worth it? I don't even know why you still like me, after what I did to you… With the play and parading Jake around like my personal ventriloquist dummy…"

I felt a faint chuckle echo behind his chest. I lightly elbowed him in the side, a smile crossing my own face.

"I really don't like that guy…" Eli admitted.

"I think you might be a little biased. He's not so bad, you know," I teased.

"It's a little different seeing things from my angle, Clare."

"As if I didn't already know that," I challenged.

"I'm serious," he insisted. "Just because I got a label and am on my meds doesn't mean that I'm not going to have ups and downs. That's never going to stop, not completely."

"I know that, but…"

"No, Clare," he interrupted me. "I don't mean that I'll have good days and bad days. I mean I'll have real shifts, and it's not going to be a walk in the park. There are gonna be days where I'm not fit to be around."

"I know that, but…"

"You can't know that," he insisted.

"That's not what I mean. Will you stop interrupting me for a second?" I asked impatiently. He looked back at me surprised.

"I mean that I'm not uneducated on your disorder, Eli. I've read up a little on it, and I can read up on it more, so that I understand what to expect. I'm not falling into this in some blind hope that you'll magically wake up and be cured," I explained.

"What about your parents?" he asked.

"What do you mean? They don't even talk to each other," I commented, confused by his question.

"I mean your mother's ban on my presence," he clarified. "That's not exactly conducive to a healthy relationship…"

"Ah yes… mother's edict…" I thought out loud. "Well, that's just not going to work for me."

"I didn't exactly think she made it sound negotiable."

"True, but Mom's never exactly gotten to know you. I royally sabotaged what should have been a good first impression," I admitted, remembering with embarrassment our disastrous family dinner.

"And how exactly do you propose to remedy that?"

"I'm kinda drawing a blank right now… but I'm sure we can come up with something," I tried to assure him, raising my hand to his shoulder, and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"So… we're doing this?" he asked, doubt still lingering on his face. "I mean, we're really gonna do this?"

"No, I think I've definitely had my fill of you," I smiled, pushing myself off the bed to stand.

Before I was completely upright, Eli grabbed my wrist, pulling me back down, and I let out a slight squeal of surprise as I fell back on the bed and he moved to lean over me. I felt my stomach flutter as he held himself above me, and I melted as his lips came down to meet mine. There was a fierceness, almost a desperation, that was missing from the kisses we had shared before. My fingers tangled in his hair, as I reveled in the bliss that surrounded me.

With my legs still dangling off the bed, I felt slightly uncomfortable, so I broke our kiss only to slide back on my bed, pulling him to me by his collar once I was entirely on the bed. He crawled up my body, resting down on his elbows as he leaned in to continue our reunion. I felt myself blushing heavily as his body lay flush on top of mine, his lower half resting between my slightly parted legs. Eli's lips felt like heaven on my own, but I struggled to keep from gasping as they left only to find the skin at the crook of my neck. I gripped the back of his shirt, pulling him still further into me as he kissed back up my jaw line, before taking my lips once more, his tongue plunging in to meet my own.

It felt like months of tension fell from my shoulders as he kissed me. I was suddenly struck with a scene from a movie playing in my head. The leading man asked his lady when the last time was that she was properly kissed and then, unsatisfied with her answer, he planted one on her, leaving her breathless. That's how it felt, like I hadn't seen the sun until now, like I'd been living in darkness, struggling to breathe until this moment.

I felt another wave of heat rise to my face as I felt Eli move against me, lightly grinding his hips into mine. This was new territory, and I was as surprised as he was when a breathy moan escaped my lips. Eli rose up to look at me, and I wanted to sink straight down into the bed and avoid my embarrassment. I expected him to heckle me, but he simply smirked and leaned right back in, taking my lips fiercely, and almost involuntarily, I arched my back into him as his hips started to move again.

Unfortunately, we were both shaken from our concentration very swiftly when I heard a light tap on my bedroom door. We both froze, and even in my panic, I thanked God that I had thought to lock the door.

"Clare?" I heard my mother's voice call from the hallway.

"Yes?" I called back.

"Everything okay?" she asked quickly, but before I could answer, she tried to open the door, finding that I had locked it. "Why is your door locked?"

"Oh shit…" Eli whispered above me.

"One second," I called back, and Eli rolled off me to stand beside the bed.

"Where do I go?" he mouthed.

"Sh… I… Uh… On the other side of the bed!" I mouthed back, pushing him across the room, and to the floor behind my bed. I hastily threw my comforter over him, hoping my mother would just assume that I kicked it off during the night.

I quickly dashed back to the door to open it and see my mother's sleep-filled eyes.

"Why was the door locked?" she asked again.

"I uh… I had a bad dream," I invented. "And I guess I just thought it would help me go back to sleep…"

"Oh… okay…" my mother seemingly accepted. "Are you sure you're okay? You haven't been out of your room all night. Did something happen after counseling? I know we didn't have the most… productive of sessions…"

I had to hide the horror on my face as she walked in the room and sat down on the end of my bed. I prayed that Eli wouldn't move or sneeze or even breathe too loudly.

"I just… had a lot on my mind," I tried to evade, hoping she would give up and go back to bed.

"Please, Clare. I'm trying so hard to understand you, and every time I feel like we're getting somewhere, you just push me away again," she pleaded.

I felt a mix of annoyance and remorse seep through my shoulders, and I temporarily forgot about my hidden guest.

"You know why part of that is, Mom. You can't forbid me from seeing people. It's not right," I maintained.

"This is about Eli?" she asked, surprised by my response.

"Eli is my friend, and I don't think that should have to change because you can't get over your own prejudices against him. If he and I can move past what happened, why can't you?" I demanded.

"Because you are my daughter, Clare. I don't want you to get tangled up in that again. I know you're missing Jake, but you can't replace him with Eli, just to make yourself feel better," she explained.

I felt myself let out a slightly twisted laugh.

"You have no idea what you're talking about!" I scoffed.

"Please don't start that tone," my mother began.

"I just want you to hear me out, Mom. You were so busy going out with Glen that you don't know anything about what happened during that time," I tried to explain.

"I wasn't blind, Clare."

"I'm not saying you were, but you have this idea in your head that I'm pining over Jake, and that couldn't be further from the truth. Jake and I are both fine with breaking up. It's not like we were ever that serious anyway!"

"Then why the theatrics when Glen and I announced our engagement?" she fired back.

"I was mad at you!" I pointed. "You're getting married less than a year after ending a marriage that lasted almost two decades! How can you not think that's the tiniest bit irrational?"

"You say that like Glen is some man I barely know," she scoffed. "We have known the Martins for over ten years, Clare. Neither Glen nor I are taking this lightly."

"Okay," I gave up, knowing there was nothing I could say, and wondering if I even should try. "Fine."

Silence fell between us, and it suddenly occurred to me that Eli was still witnessing this conversation.

"I should get back to bed," I forced a yawn.

"Yes… I suppose I should too," my mother agreed, finally getting to her feet.

I closed the door behind her, locking it again, as silently as I could. I walked back to where Eli was as he threw my comforter off himself, sweat beading on his forehead. I held a finger to my lips to keep him quiet until I heard her bedroom door close once more. Instead, I heard the distinct sound of footsteps heading downstairs.

"Why isn't she going back to bed?" I thought out loud.

"Well, who could go back to sleep after that little spat?" Eli asked, getting to his feet.

It wasn't until he stood up that I saw the less than thrilled look on his face.

"Eli, she doesn't know what she's talking about," I insisted. "I am not pining over Jake, nor am I replacing him. If anything she had it the wrong way around. I tried to replace you with him, but it wasn't working. I told you that!"

"I meant about getting tangled up in this. Maybe it's not a good idea. She's not wrong to be concerned," he reaffirmed.

"Oh God, not this again," I breathed. "This is not going to work if you keep trying to back out."

"I'm not trying to back out," he denied. "I just want to make sure you're not jumping into this blindly."

"I am jumping into this with my eyes wide open, I assure you." I explained. "My ears are open; my heart is open; my…"

"If you keep naming off bits of your anatomy, this is going to get very interesting," Eli smirked, plopping back down on my bed, resting on his side.

My face flushed at where I knew he was taking the conversation.

"I can assure you, that bit of me is remaining closed," I teased, climbing back on my bed to lay beside him.

"Really? Some of the sounds you were making earlier might lead one to believe something else," he leaned towards me, whispering in my ear, his lips ghosting along my earlobe.

"We can go right back to pretending that never happened at any time," I blushed, my hand resting on his upper arm.

"Oh no, I'm definitely going to commit that to memory," he insisted, kissing lightly across my cheek, before brushing his lips against mine ever so lightly.

I couldn't resist the urge, and I was impatient to kiss him again, so I scooted myself closer to him, my hand reaching behind his neck to pull him to me. He kissed me deeply before pulling back and chuckling.

"You don't seem to have a lot of patience this evening, Edwards," he gloated.

"Oh stop talking already!" I whisper-shouted back to him, pulling him back.

I felt him smile against my lips, his arm reaching around my lower back. I pushed myself against him, threading my hands in his hair once more. He moved again to my neck, kissing and swirling his tongue against my pale skin, and I gasped as he took my lips once more, his hand sliding over my backside and down the back of my thigh to hitch my leg up over his hip. One of his legs fell down between mine, and I felt like I was on fire, pressed up against him. I could feel his hand snaking up my side, his fingers barely snaking beneath the hem of my shirt, and I shuddered as his cold fingertips met my overheated skin.

"I would say… that I should get going… but there is one… minor issue at hand," Eli breathed between our lips.

"And what is that exactly?" I asked, pulling away ever so slightly.

"Your mother didn't go back to bed, and unless I'm mistaken, I am without an exit," he smirked.

"Well, there's just one solution then," I teased, turning my head to kiss his neck before trailing my lips to his ear. "You'll just have to stay the night."

"Well since you put it that way," he smiled as I nibbled on his earlobe. Without warning, he rolled on his back, pulling me with him so that I was effectively straddling him. He reached up to pull my face back down to his, before letting his hands fall to my sides, ghosting underneath the hem of my shirt once more.

I felt a little awkward leaning down over him, suddenly very aware of the cut of my shirt, especially when he began to kiss down to my collar bone.

"I th… think maybe we should slow this p… party down," I suggested, my words stumbling out of my mouth as I leaned back up into a sitting position.

"But the view is so nice," he smirked, resting his hands behind his head.

I felt my face fill with color for the hundredth time as I crawled off of him.

"Why the blushing? You know you're beautiful," he assured me, all sarcasm disappearing from his smirk.

I rolled my eyes, smiling at his compliment.

"Get up, I have to put my comforter back on," I told him, and he finally complied. Once it was smoothed on my bed, I crossed to my dresser to get some pajama shorts and a t-shirt out of my dresser, suddenly aware that I couldn't leave the room without leaving it open for my mother to possibly enter again.

"Turn your back," I whispered, twirling my finger.

He rolled his eyes before turning to face the wall. I slid out of my jeans quickly, pulling on my cotton shorts and replacing my shirt. I paused for a moment, knowing I never slept in a bra, but I figured my shirt was thick enough that I didn't need to worry about it being see-through, so I slipped it off my shoulders, and tossed it on my pile of dirty clothes. I crossed my arms over my chest before telling Eli he could turn around.

I climbed into the bed as he kicked off his shoes. He paused for a minute before turning to ask, "I don't usually sleep quite this clothed. Will it be too much of a distraction if I get a little more comfortable?"

I giggled, shaking my head.

"Alright, your turn to face the wall, Edwards," he insisted, and I rolled over to face the wall.

I heard him shrug out of something, and heard something fall to the floor, and before I was told to turn back, Eli, crawled into bed behind me, his chest against my back. I rolled back over to face him, finding him in his undershirt and boxers, and I suddenly didn't feel so naked without my bra.

I leaned over to kiss him chastely, before rolling back over. Eli scooted himself up behind me, his arm draping over my side and I took his hand in mine, bringing it to the top of my chest. I could feel his breath on my hair, and as his even breathing slowed, the rhythm helped me drift off, more content and comforted than I had been in a long time, and I knew that this time, I wouldn't wake up alone.


	12. Chapter XII

**All I Ask Of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. As always, you can find me on twitter at takethecurve or on tumblr at takethecurve dot tumblr dot com.**

**Chapter 12**

**Stop and Stare at the Sea of Smiles Around You**

I woke up in a sweat, unaccustomed to sleeping next to someone, and I tried not to wake the slumbering boy beside me as I stretched slightly, letting out a quiet yawn. The sun streamed in thin lines between the blinds in my window, and I looked to the clock on my bedside table to find it nearing mid-morning. I had planned to quietly slip out of bed to go brush my teeth and freshen up, but before I got barely an inch away, Eli's arms tightened around me, pulling me back to his chest.

"Five more minutes," he grumbled, his voice deeper than I'd ever heard it.

"You sound like an old man in the morning," I teased, unwrapping his arms. "I'm just going to the bathroom."

I laughed as he rolled on his stomach, still partially dead to the world.

"Please tell me your mom's gone to work or church or something," he yawned.

"Yeah, she probably left a couple of hours ago," I assured him. "But if it will ease your mind, I will double check."

"Yes, please. And I wouldn't hate it if you came back with pancakes," he smiled sleepily at me.

"Don't push your luck," I smirked, opening my bedroom door to hear the expected quiet of my empty house.

I plodded downstairs to double check that my mother's car was indeed gone, not that I had any doubts, before trudging back up to the bathroom. With an empty bladder and freshly brushed teeth, I ran my fingers through my unruly curls before climbing back into bed.

"You can rest easy, the wicked witch is gone," I informed him.

"And so the munchkins will celebrate," he shot back, pushing himself up. "So I can go to the bathroom without fear of stones or… pickaxes?"

"By all means," I laughed as he climbed out of bed, almost tripping over his clothes on the floor.

"Shut up," he called back to me.

A few minutes later, he didn't look any more awake, but as he climbed back in bed, pushing his body flush with mine underneath the sheets, I could smell the faint hint of my mint toothpaste.

"Good morning," I said softly before brushing my lips softly against his.

"You're a morning person, aren't you?" he groaned against my lips, but kissed me back with more fervor, his tongue darting shyly to meet mine. My hand came up to grip the back of his neck as his own slid just under the hem of my t-shirt, pulling me closer still to him, and I hitched my leg up over his hip, tangling us together.

I blushed as his hand sneaked up my back, rubbing the skin between my shoulder blades, and I found myself almost breathless as our kisses became more heated. Suddenly, I gasped as he pushed himself up and over on top of me, settling between my legs. His lips moved to my neck, kissing the small surface of skin my t-shirt left uncovered. I could feel him try to stretch the neck aside, but the fabric wasn't very forgiving, so he just moved back to my lips. I cursed myself inwardly for not wearing something a bit less conservative, if only to feel his mouth on my skin again.

My hands slid underneath the back of his thin t-shirt as I wrapped my arms around him, feeling him begin to gently grind himself against me, and I let out an unmistakable moan as he leaned on one elbow, letting his free hand glide up my side underneath my shirt, stopping just below my ribcage. His fingers left trails of fire on my skin, and I found myself wishing he wouldn't stop there, but not knowing how to say so without embarrassing myself.

His hips continued to push into mine as he moved back to my neck, kissing that sensitive skin just beneath my ear. I blushed heavily, feeling him hard between my legs, and I ran my fingernails down his back before bringing my hands back up near his shoulder blades, pushing his shirt up in the process.

Eli sat up abruptly, startling me as without a thought, he pulled his t-shirt over his head before diving back down to my neck. I think he had intended to bring his hand back to my ribcage like before, but in his fervor, he brushed the underside of my breast, and I jumped at the brief contact. Eli jumped back a bit, his own face reddened.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to…" he breathed.

"I… it's okay," I tried to assure him, but my own embarrassment must've been evident on my face. He rolled back off me, reaching down to pick up his t-shirt off the floor beside the bed.

"I'm sorry," he said again, slipping his shirt back on. "I should've put the brakes on sooner."

"It's okay, Eli," I tried to assure him. "It's fine." I sat up, reaching to rub his shoulder in comfort.

He took a deep breath before turning back to smile gently at me.

"Why don't we step away from the bed and maybe focus on some breakfast," he suggested.

"Uh… sure," I answered, climbing out of bed and heading for the door. I looked back at him confused when he didn't follow.

"I'll be down in a minute," he said, his face still tinged pink. "You go on."

"Ok…" I said, confused, before heading downstairs.

As I neared the bottom step, I thought I heard the bathroom door shut, but I put it out of my mind as I set about getting out what I needed for breakfast. I took Eli's pancake joke to heart, pulling out a box of pancake mix, before putting our griddle on the stove to heat. I had finished mixing the batter and was waiting on the butter to melt and coat the griddle when Eli came downstairs, having pulled his jeans back on.

"You didn't have to really make me pancakes," he smirked, and I smiled at his disheveled bed head.

"Actually, you should know that your… that I'm the resident pancake chef at la maison d'Edwards," I teased, stumbling awkwardly through my sentence as I poured four small pools of batter on the griddle.

"You can call yourself my girlfriend, you know," he assured me, walking up behind me to put his arms around me as his head rested on my shoulder.

"Sorry," I apologized, kicking myself for the blunder. "I don't know why I stumbled over that."

"No worries," he said softly, kissing my cheek lightly before moving to lean on the counter next to the stove.

Before long, I had a nice sized stack of pancakes, and Eli and I sat down at the table to eat. I marveled at how many he many to eat, eyeing his skinny frame in disbelief.

"You are a human vacuum!" I exclaimed as he reached for a third helping.

"I'm a growing boy!" he shouted back with his mouth full, making me laugh even harder. "Besides, I had a long night, thank you very much!"

"Touché," I said, rolling my eyes. "So what are your plans for the day?"

Eli swallowed before answering. "I have to see my therapist this afternoon, but I'm free after that." I saw his eyes move to the microwave to see the time. "Actually, I'm gonna have to jet soon. I'm pretty sure Doc won't appreciate me showing up without a shower first."

"Wouldn't want her to think you've been gallivanting about all night, right?" I teased.

"Of course not," he smiled as I took our dishes, rinsing them in the sink before loading them into the dishwasher.

"What about you?" he asked. "What grand plans are in store for the day?"

"Laziness," I answered offhand.

"Well, I'll let you get to that," he laughed, before heading upstairs to get the rest of his things.

"Your parents aren't going to be mad that you stayed out all night, are they?" I asked as the idea suddenly occurred to me.

"Nah, I told them I was coming over here last night after I left Fiona's."

"You were at Fiona's?" I asked, confused.

"Long story, but yeah, I had to talk some things out with her before I came over," he admitted.

"It's so bizarre that you two ended up friends," I commented. "You seem so different."

"Yeah well, it just kinda happened," he shrugged.

"Alright, get outta here. Don't want you to be stinky or late for your appointment," I smiled.

"I'll call you when I get out, okay?" he responded, kissing me quickly before heading for the door.

"Bye," I called after him, watching him pull the door to a close behind him.

Even with him gone, the sense of euphoria from our reunion stayed with me. I cleaned up the kitchen, singing to myself, before heading upstairs to make my bed and take a shower. The sheets smelled faintly of Eli's cologne, and I fought the urge to climb back in bed for a bit just to take it all in. Once I was showered, I poured over my wardrobe, trying to decide what to wear. Finally, I decided on a dark blue floral sundress that buttoned up the front. I pulled my thick brown belt out and fastened it around my torso, letting it settle at my natural waist, before darting back into the bathroom to tame my wet curls.

Once I had primped and was satisfied with my makeup, I walked barefoot back downstairs to watch some tv. I was flipping channels absentmindedly when the doorbell rang. I muted the tv before getting up to answer it, and found none other than Adam standing at my door, Bianca of all people on his heels.

"Hi," I greeted, confused by his company.

"Clare, you know Bianca, right?" Adam asked, inviting her in behind him.

"Uh… sure, what brings you both here?" I asked, motioning for them to come into the living room.

"Like you don't know," Adam teased. "Eli called me at a downright ungodly hour this morning."

"Maybe if you weren't so lazy, it wouldn't be so ungodly," Bianca quipped. "Try having a job."

Adam rolled his eyes.

"So you and Dr. Doom got back together?" Bianca asked, clearly lacking any sense of tact.

"Uh… yeah, last night," I answered shortly, still taken aback by Bianca's presence. I felt intimidated, and I didn't even understand why.

"Well, it's about time," Adam commented, adjusting his sling. My brow furrowed as I watched Bianca reach over and help him with it.

"Am I missing something? Excuse me for being blunt, but I thought you hated each another," I blurted.

"Well, I see more of her than I'd like," Adam began as Bianca elbowed him in the ribs on his good side. "But she's working in my dad's law firm this summer, part of her plea bargain from the whole shooting-slash-gang era of our year."

"And today that involves being this one's chauffeur," she followed.

"I have physical therapy shortly, but I wanted to stop by here first, you know, to congratulate you on finally seeing the light," he smirked.

"Ah, well thank you, and sorry for all the drama before," I said vaguely, not wanting to hash out any more details in front of Bianca, since I didn't really know much about her other than her less than appropriate reputation.

"No prob. Alright, Bee, let's get over to the doc, so you can laugh your face off at me trying to lift a kiddie weight or something," Adam laughed.

"Oh don't worry, I won't take too many pictures," she teased back, and I still marveled at their unexpected camaraderie.

I closed the door behind them, with what I'm sure was the most confounded expression I'd ever had on my face, but still, I couldn't help but smile to myself that Bianca seemed to genuinely like spending time with him, and that made me happy. Adam definitely deserved a happy, drama-free summer, and if Bianca could help him with that, then she had my stamp of approval.

My mother arrived home shortly after four o'clock, and I had decided that I needed to breach this Eli topic once more. I would not take no for an answer, and she was going to have to see my side of things, one way or another, so after she had settled in, I sat down across from her in the living room and put on my serious talk face.

"Mom, I need to talk to you about something," I began, hoping not to alarm her, but wanting her to know that I meant business.

"Okay…" she looked at me skeptically.

"Before I say anything, can you please keep an open mind about what I have to say, and not shoot me down right away?" I asked.

She sighed.

"I will try, Clare," she said, sounding vaguely exasperated. I tried not to let her lack of enthusiasm annoy me before I even got started.

"I want to talk about Eli," I stated, waiting for her reaction. I could see the anger flash in her eyes as I brought him up again, but she remained true to her word.

"What about Eli?" she asked cautiously.

"I want him to have a second chance at a first impression," I told her. "I ruined any opportunity he had to impress you during that disastrous first family dinner, and he didn't deserve that."

"It wasn't your best behavior," she agreed. "I'll give you that."

"So," I led on. "I want to try it again. Let's have a family dinner, and allow him to make the first impression without me tainting it."

"Clare, I really don't understand why you keep pushing this," she admitted.

"Because Eli is my friend, and he's important to me," I insisted. "And I don't want to have to sneak around and see him behind your back. It's not fair that you won't at least give him a chance."

My mother leaned back on the couch, and I could tell she was thinking hard.

"I'll only agree to this if it's a real family dinner," she began, and I silently rejoiced. "Which means our new family. Glen, Jake, you, and myself."

My face had to have visibly fallen at her suggestion because I saw the corners of her mouth almost turn up into an evil grin, but I knew exactly what she was playing. She thought that with the suggestion of Jake being there, that I would back out, and I had no intentions of caving now that I had gotten this far.

"Deal," I spoke, raising my eyebrow. "Name the date, and I'll make sure he's in attendance."

She obviously hadn't expected me to agree, but she kept up with me.

"Next Saturday?"

"Next Saturday, it is," I smiled, getting up and heading back upstairs to my room. I had a missed call from Eli from barely five minutes prior, so I quickly dialed him back.

"And here I was thinking you were ready to be rid of me already," he teased.

"Never," I assured him. "Can you meet me at The Dot in say, half an hour?"

"Sure, I don't see why not."

"Great, see you then," I told him, saying our goodbyes before hanging up. I slid on some brown leather sandals before heading back downstairs. My mother was browsing through the mail as I entered the kitchen.

"I'm gonna go meet some friends at The Dot for dinner, if that's okay," I told her, not wanting it to sound too much like a question.

"Sure, don't be too late tonight," she answered, not looking up from the LL Bean catalogue in her hand.

With that, I headed out with my bus pass in hand, and Eli was waiting for me outside The Dot as I stepped off the bus. I suppressed the urge to run to him and throw my arms around him, still so happy to be with him again, but I did settle for grabbing his hand when I got close enough. He leaned down, kissing me quickly.

"I have the best news," I informed him. "My mother agreed to giving you a second chance! She agreed to another family dinner next Saturday."

"Oh really?" he laughed. "Did you drug her?"

"No, but there is one little snafu, just a tiny thing, really," I tried to keep smiling, my confidence waning.

"Uh oh…"

"Glen and Jake will be joining the three of us for dinner," I said very rushed, my brow rising to await his response.

He was silent for a moment.

"This can only end in disaster… but what the hell?" he smirked.

I reached up, hugging him tightly. As I came down off my tiptoes, he took my hand once more before leading us up the sidewalk to The Dot. Leaning in to my ear, he quipped.

"You'd better be glad I like you so much."


	13. Chapter XIII

**All I Ask Of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. Sorry for the hiatus, guys. I have no excuses other than life.**

**Chapter 13**

**Anywhere You Go, Let Me Go Too**

It was time. I was pacing in the foyer, knowing the doorbell was going to ring at any second. My mother was in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on our dinner, and Glen and Jake were in the living room, watching the highlights from some baseball game. I alternated between nervously twisting my purity ring on my finger, smoothing my floral cotton sundress, and pulling at the beaded bracelet on my wrist.

Eli was coming for dinner, his second chance at a first impression, and even though I felt like I had given him plenty of advice and encouragement to win over my new family, I was still a nervous wreck. What if my mother still didn't approve? Would she revert back to her initial ban on seeing him? We had been back together almost two weeks, and already I couldn't imagine him not being at my side.

I felt all eyes dart to the door as the bell finally chimed, and I took a deep breath before answering it. I could see that Eli was feeling nervous as well, but he hid it much better than I did. If I didn't know to look at his hands for signs of anxiety, you would have thought he was completely calm and collected, but I could see the slight tremor, the tensing muscles. I took his hand in my own, ushering him forward to meet my future stepfather for the first time.

"Glen, this is Eli. Eli, Glen," I smiled, knowing that Glen would be fiercely polite to a fault.

"Eli, nice to meet you," he greeted genuinely, shaking Eli's hand firmly as he let go of my own.

"You too," Eli replied before reaching to shake Jake's hand as well, "Jake."

"Eli," Jake greeted in turn, "How's your summer been so far?"

"A little too eventful for my taste, what with Adam's hospital stint, but not too shabby otherwise," Eli smirked. "And yourself?"

"Pretty relaxed. Been spending some time on and off at the cabin with my dad," Jake explained.

"Oh yeah, Clare told me you guys had a cabin. My dad's parents used to have one up near Faraday Lake when I was a kid," Eli commented effortlessly, and I felt the tension start to release from my shoulders slowly.

I listened quietly as Eli, Glen, and Jake talked about their cabin histories, and after a few minutes, my mom entered the room.

"Eli, nice of you to join us again," she smiled, looking somewhat fake in my opinion.

"Thanks for having me," Eli greeted, shaking her hand gently, careful not to call her Mrs. Edwards as I had instructed him. For some reason she found that offensive, even though it was legally her name, at least for a few more weeks.

"Dinner's ready, shall we?" she motioned, leading us all into the kitchen to our round dinner table.

Eli sat close beside me, the table not usually seated for five, and I put my hand on his knee, wanting to reassure him that things were going well. My mother had prepared a salad, and we each served ourselves in turn before pausing to say grace. My mother didn't ask Eli to pray again, which was a relief, and Glen kept the blessing short and sweet.

"So Eli, Clare tells me you wrote the school play this year," my mother opened, and I prepared myself for the inquisition.

"Yes ma'am," he nodded, "It was quite an experience. Fiona Coyne directed it. She's Declan's twin sister, who Clare worked with last year."

"Ah yes, charming young man," my mother commented. "And you were published as well."

"In Gothic Tales magazine, for a short story," Eli clarified. "It was a big undertaking. I can't say that I'd delve quite that dark again, though the publishing credit will be nice for my college applications."

"And what are you thinking about studying in university?" Glen asked.

"Well I haven't really decided if I want to be a general English major or maybe get a little more specific and lean towards the Education side," Eli explained. "I just know that I want to write, but having a steady job after college would be a lot more practical."

"Jake here is thinking about getting his contractor's license," Glen explained proudly, "So he can join the family business."

"I'm not surprised," Eli said, "He did some set work with the play, and he definitely has an eye for it."

My mother got up to put away the salad, and served the main course, the famous Scott lasagna, passed down from my mother's side of the family. Eli caught my eye briefly and I smiled, knowing it wasn't the easiest thing for him to throw a compliment Jake's way, especially since neither Glen nor my mother knew that Eli and Jake had a falling out right before the play was set to perform.

"Mom, Eli's mother has been volunteering recently with Make A Wish. I wonder if you've met her?" I changed the subject.

"Oh really?" my mother smiled, looking to Eli.

"Yes ma'am, Cece Goldsworthy, tall, shorter reddish brown hair, though it's been blonde before. She's kinda eccentric," Eli smiled.

"Yes! I've met Cece. I just never caught her last name! I never would have made the connection," my mother smiled, looking entirely genuine. "She's been a real help. Great connections with all the local media, which of course makes sense now, since your father works in radio."

Eli chuckled. "My dad is definitely one of those people who knows someone everywhere he goes."

"I don't know anybody like that," Jake announced dramatically, rolling his eyes at Glen. "It's not like we ever go to the hardware store or even the grocery store without you striking up a conversation with somebody!"

Glen pretended to look offended as we all laughed. "I am maintaining my customer base! You think I get all these jobs because I'm the Einstein of the construction world?"

"Well, you are quite charming," my mother fawned, reaching over to take Glen's hand. Eli, Jake, and I shared a look, unable to hide our distaste for their couple talk.

"Alright, alright, let's cut the mushy stuff in front of the kids," Glen laughed, "So what's for dessert?"

"Clare actually helped me bake a new recipe, for an éclair cake," my mom explained, standing up and striding over to the refrigerator. I had spent a chunk of my day in the kitchen helping my mother with dinner. She was determined to teach me how to make lasagna, but I was so nervous about dinner that I was hopelessly distracted. I had suggested the dessert, since the prep time was relatively short.

"Wow, Clare, I thought the only cakes you made were pancakes," Eli whispered in my ear, and I blushed lightly, getting up to collect the dinner plates as my mother served dessert.

"This looks great," Jake smiled, digging in at once. I rolled my eyes as I sat back down.

"Jake is a human vacuum. My mom's gonna have her hands full keeping enough food in the house once Glen and Jake move in," I pointed.

"My mom says the same thing about my dad and me," Eli chuckled, flashing me his signature smirk.

"So Eli, where are you looking at going to university?" my mother asked, continuing her polite small talk.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. I used to toy with the idea of going somewhere in the States, but… now I'm less fixated on that idea," Eli answered, and I sensed some hesitation in his answer for the first time since we had started dinner.

"What makes you say that?" my mother pressed.

I could see Eli wring his hands under the table, and worry began to creep in my veins.

"My… parents would prefer if I stayed closer to home," he answered vaguely.

Silence fell, and my mother looked to him, clearly unsatisfied with his answer and wanting more of an explanation.

"Eli and his family are very close," I chimed in, hoping to ease the tension.

"Yes, but if Eli gets into a good university, shouldn't they be supportive of his choice?" my mother rebutted.

"Mom…" I wanted her to stop talking immediately, but I knew she wouldn't.

"They want me to stay close to home so that I can continue with my same therapist," Eli said in a rush, clearly not expecting to have to talk about his recovery.

"Oh… of.. of course," my mother stumbled, pursing her lips. Silence fell once more and I reached for Eli's hand under the table, wanting to comfort him.

"Is that going well?" Glen asked, a friendly smile on his face.

"Yes sir, much better since I was… diagnosed. It always helps to have a direction to work towards," Eli explained, squeezing my hand gently.

"Motivation and direction, I'm always preaching the values of hard work, right Jake?" Glen teased, ruffling Jake's hair as he stood up to collect our dessert plates. Eli helped me gather the glasses and silverware, and took them to the sink as my mother put the rest of the cake back in the refrigerator.

"Well, thank you, Eli, for joining us tonight," my mother told him, as I'd already asked her if Eli and I could go out after dinner. "It was a pleasure to get to know you better."

"Thank you for inviting me," he smiled, "Dinner was delicious, and it was nice to meet you, Glen."

"You too," Glen replied, shaking Eli's hand once more.

"Eleven o'clock, Clare," my mother reminded me.

"Yes ma'am," I nodded, grabbing my purse off the couch.

"See you around, Jake," I heard Eli say as he followed me out the door. Once we were outside, I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well that went mostly well," I exclaimed as we crossed the street where Cece's borrowed car awaited us. "I'm so sorry about the college stuff though! I had no idea she would pester you like that!"

Eli opened the passenger door for me. "Oh it wasn't so bad," he smirked. "Much better than my last dinner at your house," he quipped before closing the door.

Once he was seated in the driver's side, I continued. "Did you really wanna go to college in the States?"

"Yeah, at one time, but a lot's changed since then…"

"So it's just because Bullfrog and Cece want to keep an eye on you?"

"Well, that's part of it, the majority, actually, but is it so bad that I wanna stick around?" he smiled, but something about his answer didn't sit well with me.

"So where are we headed?" I asked, glancing out the window as the neighborhood disappeared behind us.

"I didn't really have a plan, honestly. This is only the second time I've been given car privileges, so I really just wanted to drive," he explained, fiddling with the radio.

"So no plan? At all?" I asked, skeptically.

"Does that bother you? Not having a plan?" he teased, knowing full well that it did.

"Endlessly," I replied, shooting him a glare.

We drove for about an hour before Eli started to look like he had a destination in mind. I could see him paying more attention to the road signs, and I could see scenarios flashing through his eyes as he made up his mind. I sang lightly to the radio as we turned off to enter Confederation Park. I smiled remembering coming to the nearby water park as a kid.

"Looks like as good a stop as any," Eli smiled as he parked. "Wanna go sit on the beach?"

"Of course," I smiled, getting out of the car. Eli grabbed a towel out of the backseat before locking up and taking my hand. We strolled slowly through the park, before Eli spread the towel out on the thin strip of beach, and I sat down beside him, my dress ruffling around my knees in the breeze.

I leaned my head on Eli's shoulder, and I felt him rest his head on top of mine, kissing my hair.

"You know, as much as I am biased to not like Jake, I kinda like Glen," Eli laughed.

"You would," I joked, elbowing him in the ribs.

"Your mom definitely needed someone to lighten her up," Eli teased, and I playfully shoved him over. "Hey, we are dangerously close to a body of water if you wanna play that game!" he announced.

"Oh really?" I challenged, darting up off the towel. Eli jumped up opposite me. "You'd have to catch me first!" And with that, I took off along the shoreline. I could hear Eli chuckle before taking off after me. He, of course, caught up with me, grabbing me from behind and spinning me around. Once my feet hit the ground again, I turned to face him, wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him down to kiss me. I smiled against his lips, feeling happier than I had in months.

We strolled down the beach hand in hand, watching the water and the other people, until around nine-thirty, Eli suggested we head back, wanting to keep his good name with my mom by having me home on time.

Still thirty minutes or so away, I got a text from my mother, informing me she was heading back to the cabin with Glen, and I kept it to myself, thinking back and forth on having extra time with Eli. Of course, she insisted that I call her from the house phone once I got in, to make sure I kept curfew. Once we pulled up to the house and he noticed the lights were all off, he turned to me.

"Did your family vanish?" he asked as he opened the car door for me.

"Kinda, Mom texted and said they were heading out to the cabin," I explained, leading him up the walk to the door as I took my key out. "Wanna come in?"

"Maybe," he smirked, following me inside.

I tossed my purse on the couch before grabbing the phone and calling my mother, letting her know I was, in fact, home. She said she would be back late tomorrow, and I told her to have a good night.

"So…" Eli breathed into my ear, wrapping his arms around me from behind as I put the cordless phone back on the dock. I twisted in his arms to face him, leaning back against the sideboard.

"So…" I mimicked, wrapping my arms around his shoulders.

His lips came down to meet mine, tender at first, then more urgent, his tongue dipping past my lips as he closed the distance between us, stepping towards me. His hands drifted to my hips, and I tangled my fingers in his hair. Feeling uncomfortable against the sideboard, I pushed him back a little before leading him over to the couch.

We sat down side by side, reaching for each other immediately. I found it a little awkward trying to twist to face him, and as I tried to adjust myself, Eli hooked his hand behind my knee, pulling me on top of him. I blushed furiously, sitting on his lap as he leaned back on the couch, pulling my face down to his. My dress rode up my legs a little, and I felt Eli's hands on the skin just above the outside of my knees.

Eli moaned against my lips as I rocked my hips, adjusting my position more so than meaning to be sexy, but judging by his reaction, he was pleased. His lips moved to my neck then collarbone, burning my skin as he trailed kisses on the flesh my thin-strapped dress didn't cover. I rocked my hips again, sighing with pleasure as the friction awoke an unfamiliar response in me. Eli reached up, pushing the strap of my dress off my shoulder along with my bra strap, and he kissed the pale skin on my shoulder as his other hand slid a little further up my thigh.

"Oh my God," I breathed, shivering as Eli's lips moved back up my collarbone, blowing on the slightly wet skin.

"I know," he barely whispered as his lips caught mine again, his tongue plunging in to meet mine.

My hands gripped the top of the couch behind him as his hands moved to slide up my ribcage, and I prayed he wouldn't stop. I expected to have some internal debate going on as to whether I should be doing this, but with Eli, it felt as natural as breathing, though my breathing was by no means regulated. The air hitched in my throat as his hands traced the curve of the outside of my breasts, his thumbs brushing across the front of my dress before he reached up, taking my face in his hands. I could feel my skin flushing as he continued to kiss me, letting his hands travel back down my body, and as his thumbs brushed over my clothed chest again, I rocked my hips, and Eli's hands gripped my hips, encouraging my movement as my hands raked down his chest over his button-down shirt.

I reached to undo the top button on his shirt, when Eli's hands grabbed mine, halting my motion. I parted my lips from his, sitting up in confusion.

"What's wrong?" I breathed.

"Nothing is wrong, believe me, but the respectable thing to do here would be to put the brakes on," Eli breathed heavily, bringing my hands to his lips to kiss them.

I sighed, knowing he was right, but wishing at the same time that he wasn't so careful with me. My mind knew that we should stop, but my body didn't want to listen. I climbed off him, standing up and smoothing my dress.

"If I promise to keep my hands to myself, will you stay?" I asked, trying to look innocent.

Eli chuckled, standing up, and adjusting the front of his pants, which caused me to look away and blush.

"There is nothing about that look that makes me think you'll keep your hands to yourself, but even so, I'm going to have to head home. Cece will be needing her vehicle, and I need my meds," he explained.

I smiled, knowing he was right, and I took his hand, leading him to the door. I reached up, hugging him tightly.

"Thank you for tonight," I breathed in his ear.

"You're welcome," he smiled, as we parted, his eyes delving into my own.

"I'm kinda fond of you, you know," I teased, getting on my tiptoes to kiss his lips lightly.

"I noticed," he smirked, bringing my hand to his lips once more before heading out the door. I smiled as he looked back just once about halfway down the sidewalk, his usual smirk missing, but replaced with a true smile, the kind he saved only for me.


	14. Chapter XIV

**All I Ask Of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. You can find me on twitter at takethecurve or on tumblr at takethecurve dot tumblr dot com. Also, thank you to my bff and her fiancé, who don't read my fanficiton for providing me with the distraction concept featured in this chapter. It has brought me great joy at their expense for almost seven years. :)**

**Chapter 14**

**Every Face A Different Shade**

"Just try it?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Absolutely not."

"I can't believe you won't even try it. What happened to take risks? What happened to breaking the mold?" I huffed in frustration, plopping down on my bed, a boxed set of books in my lap.

"See, this is where I don't understand you, Clare. You read these great novels, see great films, and then there's this garbage," Eli complained, swiveling from side to side in my desk chair.

"You're just worried you might like something mainstream," I challenged.

"And you're not seeing that this is just another _Fortnight_ phase," he quipped, rolling his eyes.

"Okay, even I can admit that _Fortnight_ was a phase, but that's over and done with, thank you very much," I pointed. "_The Hunger Games_ are not the new Fortnight!"

"When there are teenage girls in Team Pita Bread shirts, then yes, it's the new _Fortnight_."

"HE IS NOT NAMED AFTER PITA BREAD!" I shouted exasperatedly for what felt like the tenth time.

"Sure, whatever you need to sleep at night," Eli chuckled.

"Ugh, you're impossible!" I proclaimed, throwing one of my pillow shams at him. He countered by catching it and rushing over to tackle me on the bed. I fell back as he pounced on me, my limbs flailing until he tossed the pillow aside and kissed me, hard. I felt myself begin to melt for what must've been the millionth time in the last two weeks, since I'd gotten the extremely reluctant okay from my mother to keep seeing Eli, which was beyond a doubt because of Glen's persuasion.

Just as Eli's hand began to slide up my side, beneath my tank top, I pushed him back.

"What?" he asked innocently, clearing confused by my lack of enthusiasm.

"So, you know how we looked back so fondly on our previous relationship, full of mutual respect and admiration, where you loved me for my brain?" I asked, pushing myself back to a seated position.

"Yes?"

"So, I'm worried that we're uh... we're..." I twisted my worn leather watch on my wrist, trying to find the right word.

"Spit it out, Edwards," he smirked, clearly enjoying my word fumble.

"Well, it's not that I don't like making out, but... I just feel like... we do it all the time, and every time, it's a little bit... more... and I just... can we do something together that isn't making out?" I could feel the words make little to no sense even as they stumbled out of my mouth.

"Uh... What exactly are you asking?"

"I just want us to... maybe cool it... just a little... because we're... and you're... and I'm not... and it just... I'mnotreadytohavesexwithyou," The words flew out, and my hands came to my face, slapping over my mouth, wanting to push them back in.

Eli looked confused at first as I stammered, before a glint in his eye flicked and he burst out laughing.

"Why are you laughing?" I asked, mortified, feeling my cheeks burn in embarrassment.

"Because you're you," he chuckled, standing up from the bed. "So what shall we do?"

...

...

...

"You want to do a puzzle?" Eli asked skeptically.

"It's summer! Neither of us have jobs, and this is good, cheap fun," I insisted, picking up a box off the shelf with a Parisian cityscape.

"It reminds me of Kindergarten."

"The last time you did a puzzle was in Kindergarten?" I asked, shocked.

"Yeah, you know, those wooden ones with the little knobs that were shaped like the provinces," he replied like it wasn't in the least bit strange.

"You've been deprived," I told him, "And trust me, there are no knobs to hold on to."

Eli leaned close and whispered in my ear, "Oh really?"

I scoffed, shaking my head. "This is why we need a distraction!"

"Very well, very well, give it to me, I'll go pay for your sex puzzle," Eli teased, walking away before I could retort.

I huffed in frustration before taking off after him. Two hours later we were seated on opposite sides of the Goldsworthy dining room table. I knew my table at home was soon to have new occupants on a daily basis, and not knowing how long it would take to finish a three thousand piece puzzle, I decided the Goldsworthys' seldom used table would be the perfect location for our construction.

"These pieces are the size of peanut M&Ms!" Eli exclaimed.

"It's not supposed to be easy," I pointed. "That's why it's called a puzzle."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Eli rolled his eyes.

"We need to finish the outer edge, Eli, or we're never going to get anywhere."

"She's right, Baby Boy," Cece called from the next room. I heard the oven door swing open, and the smell of freshly baked cookies wafted through the archway between us and the kitchen.

"You only say that because you like her better!" Eli called back, and I heard Bullfrog chuckle from the living room.

"It's because she's a hell of a lot nicer than you, son!" he shouted, his raspy voice fluttering as he held back his laughter. "Not to mention better looking!"

"Geez," Eli winced. "You know, honesty is highly overrated!"

"Only when you don't care for the truth," I teased, fitting another piece into the edge as Cece walked in, carrying two plates of cookies. She set one down in the empty space between us, ruffled Eli's hair affectionately, then crossed through to the living room.

"Thanks, Mom" he mumbled, stuffing a cookie into his mouth immediately.

I grabbed a cookie for myself, and it almost fell apart in my hands, still warm and gooey from the oven, just the way I liked them. As I indulged in my snack, my phone rang beside me on the table. I saw Jake's face staring back at me as I slid my finger across the screen.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Clare. Helen told me to call you and remind you that we all have a meeting with Reverend Duncan tonight at six. She said you might've forgotten," Jake explained.

"Ugh, she's right, I totally spazzed," I groaned, looking at the clock. It was just after five.

"I can swing by and pick you up," he offered. "Dad and Helen are out running some errands, and they said they'll just meet us there."

"Uh... ok. I'm at Eli's; do you know where that is?" I asked.

"Not really, but just text me directions. Five-forty-ish?"

"Yeah, see you then. Thanks, Jake."

"No prob."

I turned back to Eli who had demolished more than his share of the cookies. I reached over and wiped a smudge of chocolate off the side of his guilty smirk.

"We have pre-marriage family counseling with the reverend tonight," I faked a cheery smile as I texted Jake directions to Eli's house.

"Oh man, hate I have to miss that!" Eli laughed.

"Well laugh it up now, the wedding's only a few weeks away," I reminded him. "And that, you don't get to skip."

"Speaking of, Clare," Cece strolled back through. "What does he need to wear?"

I giggled, seeing Eli embarrassed by his parent for a change.

"Suit and tie, preferably," I answered. "No jeans!" I turned back, throwing that last bit straight at Eli, who threw up his hands in mock surrender.

"Mmm... I don't think you've had on a full suit, Baby Boy, since you were the ring bearer in your Aunt Rose's wedding," Cece thought out loud.

"You were a ring bearer?" I gasped, unable to help my laugher. "Please tell me there are pictures!"

"NO! NO PICTURES!" Eli shouted, trying to stop Cece who had already headed to the living room, where the Goldsworthy family pictures rested in a set of albums spread out over two shelves in the entertainment center. "MOM!"

"Oh come on, Eli! You were precious!" Cece cooed, "In your little tuxedo!"

"Oh God..." Eli groaned, as Bullfrog guffawed in the recliner.

"Here we are!" Cece announced, and she passed me a thick leather album. Sure enough, there was Eli. He couldn't have been more than seven or eight years old, sporting a little tuxedo with a lavender vest, bowtie, and pocket square. He already had a mop of dark hair, and he smiled brightly for the camera.

"Oh my goodness!" I squealed. "Look at you!"

"How 'bout we don't, thanks," Eli sulked, slumping down onto the couch.

"Oh don't be like that, you were so cute!" I insisted, flipping the album through a few more pictures.

"She says that like you're not so good-lookin' anymore," Bullfrog laughed.

"Oh you know that's not what I mean," I retorted. "And look, he must not have mastered the famous smirk yet when these were taken."

"Oh no, the smirk didn't come until puberty," Cece explained, and I saw Eli sink lower into the couch out of the corner of my eye. "Alright, alright, I'll put the pictures away!"

I giggled before sitting down next to Eli.

"You know, I can't wait to see you in a suit again," I teased.

"You have seen me in a suit," he pointed.

"No, no, no. The red jacket does not count. I mean a matching suit, with a tie."

"I wear ties all the time!"

"Not properly," I added.

"You know, you didn't complain on our first date," he challenged, and my face turned pink. I underestimated him, clearly, as he embarrassed me in front of his parents.

I cringed as Bullfrog burst into another fit of laughter, and Cece's light chuckle followed soon after. Before I could properly defend myself, the doorbell rang.

"Well, saved by the bell," Eli teased, getting up to get the door as I grabbed my purse.

I heard Jake and Eli exchange pleasantries at the door before I made it there. I pecked Eli lightly on the cheek, still wary of any public displays of affection in front of Jake, all things considering. Once we were in the car, Jake spoke.

"So what exactly is the point of us having to go to this shindig?" he asked, clearly not looking forward to meeting with the reverend.

"I don't really know, some kind of blended family evaluation or some such nonsense," I shrugged. "I was kinda hoping I'd be exempt from this since Mom and I are seeing an outside counselor anyway."

"Oh yeah, how's that going for you?"

"Better, I guess. Well, of course better now that she's not forbidding me from seeing people, and I'm not bitter about this," I gestured between us. "anymore."

"That would help things along, I'd imagine," Jake grinned.

"What about you? What have you been up?" I asked, having not seen much of Jake since our last family dinner with Eli.

"Just hanging around, I guess. I ran into some kids from school at The Dot the other day. Figured I might need to make some friends since I'm single again," he teased. I rolled my eyes.

"Oh really? Who all was there?"

"Uh, Drew and Katie, Adam, Bianca, and I ran into your friend Alli on the way out. She said to tell you she'd be calling you later. Something about that summer camp she did," he explained.

"Science program, actually," I corrected. "That's funny. I'm surprised she didn't already let me know she was home."

I thought on the matter as we pulled into the church parking lot. It wasn't exactly unlike Alli to withhold information, but it did spark my curiosity that she was out and about before at least letting me know she was back in town.

Jake and I met Mom and Glen in the foyer before heading to Reverend Duncan's office. He had set up four chairs opposite his desk, and I sat down at my mother's right while Jake took his father's left, just as we surely would in a few short weeks.

"Good evening everyone," Reverend Duncan greeted warmly. I smiled, taking in his familiar face. Reverend Duncan was a portly man, balding slightly, but he had kind eyes and a warm smile.

"I would like to begin with a short evaluation of your current status in the engagement and how you plan to proceed in merging together as a family," he explained.

I leaned back in my chair and listened to Mom and Glen explain their separate living situations and the stability of their relationship before transitioning into the new house arrangements with Jake taking Darcy's old room as she was no longer living in the country, much less in our house. I nodded in agreement in all the appropriate places, and smiled as Reverend Duncan complimented both families on raising such faithful children. Finally, I suppose he determined we weren't all going to kill each other, and he wished the entire family all the best, and we headed out to the parking lot. Glen kissed my mother goodbye and took over the Martin Construction truck with Jake while I plopped into my mom's car to go our separate ways.

Once we were home, my mom and I ate a light dinner, discussing a few last wedding details, like how I wanted to wear my hair, and if I had any particular jewelry in mind. After promising me a shopping trip to find the perfect earrings, which would be part of my upcoming birthday present, we parted to our rooms, and I finally got the chance to call Alli, having still not heard from her, despite Jake's tipoff.

"Hello?" she answered, sounding slightly off.

"Hey, Jake told me you were back in town!"

"Yeah, I just got back this morning. I ran into him in town," she explained, her voice seeming to come to life a little.

"So what's up?" I asked, still confused.

"Dave had sex with another girl," she blurted, taking me by surprise. I wasn't sure how to respond. Last I had heard Alli and Dave weren't together, so I wasn't sure what I should say.

"How did you find out?"

"We've been texting and skyping all summer, and I just figured when I came back that he would be waiting for me," she explained, and I could hear her voice strain as she fought back tears. "And when I got back, we met for coffee, and he told me that he had been seeing someone. Her name's Jacinta, and they hooked up over the summer!"

"Alli, I'm so sorry," I tried to comfort her.

"I can't catch a break, Clare! It's like every time I take a step forward, I get shoved two steps back!"

"It'll be alright," I insisted. "There are other guys out there, better guys!"

"Easy for you to say, you've got a tall, handsome lumberjack on your arm!"

"Not... exactly," I winced. "It's a long story, but Jake and I are done. I've been... actually, I've been seeing Eli again."

"What?" Alli exclaimed.

"I've been seeing Eli," I repeated.

"You've been seeing the guy who crashed a car into a wall and lit a fire onstage at school?" she asked skeptically.

"You know, you've never given him a chance. Eli was sick. He's better now!"

"I can't believe this," Alli breathed.

"Why not?" I asked, annoyed by her prejudice.

"Because you've been down this road! It goes to crazy town!"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," I stated, fury pulsing through me.

"Look, I'm sorry, I'm upset, and maybe I just need to digest my own drama," Alli apologized, but I couldn't feel the sincerity.

"It's fine, I'm gonna go to bed."

"I'll call you tomorrow, okay? We can grab lunch or something," Alli insisted.

"Sure, I'll talk to you tomorrow," I replied, ending the call.

Our conversation had strayed back down a familiar path in regards to Eli, and I didn't have the patience to deal with her unwarranted disdain this time around. Alli was my best friend, but so was Eli, and if I had to choose, I knew which side I was on.


	15. Chapter XV

**All I Ask Of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references.**

**Chapter 15**

**My Words Will Warm and Calm You**

I found myself growing impatient as I waited on Alli for our lunch date. Truth be told, it was probably mostly lingering hostility over our conversation the night before, but regardless, it irked me that she was already ten minutes late. I continued to glance over the menu as I heard footsteps approach my patio table. Looking up, I took in the form of my sister's ex-boyfriend.

"Hey Clare, you ready to order?" he asked politely, a friendly grin on his face.

"Hey Peter, um… not quite, I'm waiting on Alli, but I'll take an iced tea until she gets here," I answered, not wanting his trip to be wasted.

"Be right back," he nodded. I saw Alli's figure turn the corner as Peter stepped back inside.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I'm late!" she squeaked, her vibrant yellow sundress flouncing lightly as she headed towards me. Alli had always had a much riskier fashion sense than myself, especially when not under the watchful eye of her conservative parents, but as her hemlines got higher and her necklines lower, I found myself judging her slightly, as much as I'd rather not.

"It's okay, I waited to order," I told her, and she picked up her menu at my slight nudge. Peter came back out shortly afterward with my tea and took our orders, and I noticed his eyes linger on the northern regions of Alli's exposed thigh, and I forced myself not to roll my eyes. It had always annoyed me slightly that Alli would say she didn't want guys to be so focused on her physical features and for them to want her for her mind, but what did she expect them to focus on when her hemline barely covered her butt, and her cleavage left little to the imagination? Alli liked to say I dress like a nun, but let's face it, if I wore some of the dresses she did, I'd look like a street walker.

"So, did Jake tell you I ran into him the other day?" Alli asked once Peter was gone.

"Uh yeah, he said he ran into several people from school, actually," I answered, unsure of why we were talking about Jake.

"I can't believe he didn't tell me you guys had broken up," she continued, and I didn't follow.

"Well, he probably assumed that you and I had either already spoken or that I would want to tell you myself," I explained.

"Oh right, yeah… that's probably it…"

"So, how are things?" I asked, "Has Sav vacated the house yet?"

"Not yet," Alli chuckled, "But I swear if he doesn't soon, I'm going to kick him out myself. I love Jenna, but I will definitely be glad to kick her to Sav's old room once he moves into res."

"Ah, how is Jenna?" I asked.

"Better, I guess," Alli sighed. "She misses KC a lot, whether she wants to admit it or not, though she doesn't talk about the baby as much as I'd initially expected."

"She probably just wants to forget the whole thing happened," I surmised, and Alli nodded in agreement. I found myself lowering my initial guard as we fell into our normal flow of conversation, though I knew my ease had more to do with our lack of discussion regarding my own relationship. Just as we finished our sandwiches; however, she delved straight into the subject I'd been carefully avoiding.

"So how's Eli?" she asked with a clear disapproving tone.

"He's good," I replied, feeling my temper begin to ignite. "We're going out tonight actually, and he's coming to the wedding next weekend."

"Your mother invited him to the wedding?" Alli asked, clearly surprised.

"Yeah…"

"Oh, I'm just surprised, I guess. Last I heard, she wasn't too keen on him," she explained, folding her napkin and tossing it on her empty plate.

"She's gotten to know him," I clarified. "Which it wouldn't kill you to try either."

"I'm just protective of you, Clare, and you can't deny that he doesn't have the best track record," she insisted, and I found my temper coming to a boil. I took a deep breath and threw my napkin on the table.

"Who does?" I challenged.

"I just mean that I don't want you to get hurt!" she exclaimed, taken aback by my underhanded insinuation.

"And I appreciate that, but you have to get over what happened before! If you hadn't been so wrapped up in Hurricane Drew, you could have gotten to know him like I did last year, before everything else could have clouded your view!"

"It's not like you ever invited me to hang out with you guys, your little trifecta!" she accused.

"I'm sorry, it must've slipped my mind while you were never around, always hanging out with Jenna or Drew!"

"Jenna needed a friend! Do you think I wouldn't have been by your side if it was you who turned up pregnant at fifteen?" she asked.

"I'm sorry that my parents divorcing doesn't trump being a teen mom," I replied coldly, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I didn't mean it like that!" Alli insisted, but I was done.

"This was a bad idea. You and I just need to come to terms with the fact that we've grown apart," I spat, grabbing my purse and getting to my feet, tossing my tip on the table. "You obviously can't be happy for me, and I can't sit here and act like I'm okay with half the situations you get yourself into, Alli. Maybe it's best if we just stop pretending we're friends." I saw Alli's expression go from slightly hurt to firmly angry.

"Fine, but don't come crying to me when your boyfriend decides to go postal on you again!" she exclaimed, and I turned on my heel to leave.

I had had enough of her judgment, which felt ironic considering she had always considered me to be the judgmental friend. My phone was in my hand before I really realized what I was doing, and I had already found Eli's number, my temper still fuming. As his voicemail picked up, I remembered that he had therapy today, but the sound of his voice had a slight calming effect as I listened to the usual drabble about leaving a message.

"Hey, it's me. Just had lunch with Alli, and it didn't exactly go… well. I'll tell you about it later, I guess. I forgot you had therapy, so I'll just see you later tonight," I explained after the beep. I knew Eli well enough to know that it made him slightly uneasy for me to call and not leave a message if he was away from his phone, and I didn't want to cause him any undue anxiety.

I walked home at a leisurely pace as my temper simmered and eventually extinguished. I noticed the Martins' truck outside on the curb as I strolled up the sidewalk, letting myself inside.

"Clare, just the girl we needed to see," Glen greeted me warmly from the living room where he sat with my mother. As I entered the room, I saw a small tray of assorted cakes on the coffee table in front of them. "We're torn," he explained, glancing at the cheat sheet in front of him. "Between the Red Velvet and the Raspberry Truffle."

"I explained to Glen that as the resident taste tester, you would be the perfect deciding vote," my mother smiled, pointing to the two small squares of cake.

"You didn't want to test Jake's refined palate?" I joked, passing through to the kitchen to get a fork.

"We considered it, but let's face it, the boy just likes cake. He won't care what kind we choose," Glen laughed as I perched myself on the end of the coffee table.

I took a bite of the Raspberry Truffle first, and it was quite tasty, with just the right burst of fruity flavor, without being too obnoxiously over the top, but then I tried the Red Velvet, and it was divine. "Is that a cheesecake filling?" I exclaimed.

"Uh…" my mother fumbled, checking the information sheet. "Yes, cheesecake mousse filling. I didn't realize."

"Oh, you have to go Red Velvet," I insisted. "That is beyond words!"

"Well that settles it!" Glen exclaimed, clearly happy to be done with this particular wedding chore. "And now I'll indulge in the Chocolate Mint."

"He made them include that one just for him," my mother laughed, nudging him as he picked up the whole square and shoved it in his mouth. "He knew there's no way I'd pick a mint cake!"

"Sorry Glen, but we have a policy in this house about mints," I giggled. "They are reserved for toothpaste and gum, not desserts."

"Well it wouldn't be a marriage if I wasn't having to concede some things, right?" he joked, and I decided to leave them to their marriage talk. I smiled as I headed up the stairs and caught my mother, out of the corner of my eye, wiping icing off the side of Glen's mouth, her eyes alight with the excitement of her impending nuptials.

I flopped down on my bed, still feeling a bit weary about my conversation with Alli. I grabbed my current novel in progress, _Sisterhood Everlasting_, and breezed through a couple of chapters before giving in to my tired yes, and passing the rest of the afternoon by taking a nap, which was pretty uncharacteristic of me, and I regretted it once my eyes fluttered open a few hours later. I felt groggy, and decided that I might as well start the day over and get a shower to wake myself back up. Once I was clean, I took my time curling my hair and putting on a sparse bit of makeup, highlighting my eyes and dabbing on some lip gloss. I pulled a cream chiffon floral sundress out of my closet, cinching it around my waist with my thin tan belt, and slipped into a pair of flat metallic sandals. I grabbed my purse and headed downstairs to find that Mom and Glen must've gone out as well while I was napping.

I tossed my purse on the couch before heading to the kitchen and pouring myself a glass of lemonade. I was just headed back into the living room to flip channels when the doorbell rang. I opened it to find Eli smirking as usual. He was in typical attire, seemingly dressed for a separate climate than the rest of us in a pair of dark grey jeans and a black button down. He didn't speak, but just took the glass of lemonade out of my hand, setting it down on the sideboard in the foyer before wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing me swiftly. I sighed in contentment, wrapping my hands behind his neck as his lips moved with mine. A few seconds later, he retreated, before kissing me again lightly.

"I'm sorry your lunch date sucked," he said sincerely.

"It is what it is," I shrugged, as Eli and I parted. I grabbed my purse from the couch as Eli downed the rest of my lemonade on the way to drop the glass in the sink. "How was therapy?"

"Same old, same old," he replied. "But Doc did comment on how chipper I've been lately."

"Chipper?" I laughed.

"Her word, not mine," he assured me. "Where's the family tonight?" he asked as we headed out the door.

"I'm not sure, actually. Mom and Glen were here when I got home from lunch, but I went upstairs and took a nap, and when I came back down, they were gone," I explained. I paused briefly as I took in an unfamiliar sight in front of me. "Eli!" I turned to see him smiling proudly at me as my eyes washed over the shiny dark grey vehicle on the curb.

"Just got it this afternoon," he explained. "What do you think?"

"What do I think?" I exclaimed, before jabbing him lightly in the side. "You didn't tell me you were getting a new car!"

"It's not really new…" he said sheepishly, his smile still shining.

"It's new to me!" I clarified. "This is a Mustang, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's an '05, so it's got several years on it, but it's in really good condition. Bullfrog bought it off a guy at the station whose primary form of transportation is his Harley, so it doesn't have a lot of miles on it at all."

I ran over to throw my arms around Eli, exclaiming, "I'm so happy for you! This is so exciting!"

"So I'm guessing you like it?" he laughed, as I untangled from him. He reached over, opening the passenger side door for me.

"I love it, and I love that you've got wheels again! No more bikes, bus passes, and borrowing from parents!" I said excitedly, looking around the dash and scoping out the interior.

"It's not like it doesn't come with strings," Eli interrupted. "I still have a curfew, as do you, my dear, and the car wasn't free, so I'll be spending every Saturday from now until I'm fifty scrubbing the toilets at the radio station."

I laughed as Eli cranked the engine to life, and I continued to revel in the excitement of him having a new car. I knew it could never replace Morty, but I still felt like Eli having another car was like him picking up another piece of himself that he lost when he broke down last year. As cool as he obviously wanted to be about it, I couldn't help but smile at the brightness behind his eyes and the smirk that was trying to creep its way into a grin as he drove.

"So I was thinking, in light of our newfound mode of transportation that we could skip the movie," Eli postulated, and I nodded in agreement.

"Let's just drive somewhere, and it's such a nice night! We can just hang out and stargaze or whatever," I smiled.

"Clare Edwards, are you suggesting we go 'parking'?" Eli scoffed, and I felt my cheeks begin to flood with color.

"I… you twisted my words!" I exclaimed, fully embarrassed.

"Oh no ma'am, your words did not require any twisting from me," he laughed. "But that's okay, we can always go home and do puzzles if you'd prefer."

My jaw dropped, and I reached over, hitting him lightly on the arm.

"What's with the abuse tonight? Geez…" he smirked.

"Oh hush," I told him, and a few minutes later Eli pulled off the highway, jetting down a thin country road before we ended up in an open clearing. Once he parked, we got out, and I pushed myself up on the hood, leaning back on the windshield. Eli scooted up beside me reaching over to hold my hand, letting them both rest lightly on my lap, and I felt a rush of contentment.

I turned on my side, letting go of his hand and brushing a bit of his hair off his face. Our eyes locked, and I pushed myself up on my elbow, leaning down to press my lips to his. Eli's arm slipped in the space beneath me, nudging me slightly, and I crossed my leg over to sit on his lap, careful not to break our kiss. His hands came to rest on my hips, and I blushed slightly, feeling the breeze make the chiffon of my dress dance against my legs.

I broke our kiss, rising back up to a sitting position. Eli took my hand in his, bringing it softly to his lips as I smiled down at him. Any residing ill feelings I had over my argument with Alli had been wiped away, and I reveled in the stability I felt now with Eli. We had been so broken before, both together and apart, but now we were both so changed, so different in so many ways, but yet the love we felt for each other had only morphed into something stronger, something better. I leaned back down to kiss him, pausing just before our lips met to whisper, "I love you."


	16. Chapter XVI

**All I Ask Of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. If you happened to miss it, I did post a one-shot a couple of weeks ago so please check it out. As always you can find me on twitter at takethecurve or on tumblr at takethecurve dot tumblr dot com.**

**Chapter 16**

**Have a Scandal and You're Sure to Have a Hit**

I woke up feeling no different than usual as the morning of my sixteenth birthday dawned. I had always had that stereotypical belief in the back of my head that it was supposed to be this uniquely memorable occasion, what with all hype most teenage girls exhibit leading up to such an event. In reality, there was only my usual family dinner to look forward to, though Eli was going to join us, so at least I would have him at my side.

I plodded down the stairs and into the kitchen, the smell of fresh blueberry muffins wafting through the lower level of our house. I found my mother seated at the table, flipping through a magazine as I grabbed a glass out of the cabinet to pour myself some milk.

"Happy Birthday, sleepy head!" my mother greeted. "I made muffins!"

"Thanks," I replied, sleep still making my voice register slightly lower than usual. "Smells amazing, Mom."

"Now I know you have a birthday lunch with Eli, but I thought you and I could go shopping this afternoon," she mused, particularly chipper for this time of day.

"Sure, that sounds good," I agreed, helping myself to a still steaming muffin. It practically melted in my mouth, reminding me of previous birthdays, my feet dangling from the chair as my fingers turned purple.

"Okay, well I've got some errands to run, and I'm going to meet Glen on his lunch hour, but I'll be back around two or so, and we can hit the town, okay? I'll see you later," she explained, kissing the top of my head as she grabbed her purse and let herself out.

I wasted most of my morning away, watching a marathon of Gilmore Girls on the soap opera network, before I decided to get ready for my lunch rendezvous with Eli. I picked out a pair of comfy jeans, remembering the shopping trip to come, pairing it with a pale purple tank top. It showed off a bit more cleavage than I was really comfortable with, so I grabbed a white lace-trimmed camisole to put underneath. I slid my feet into a pair of silver sandals before heading downstairs, fluffing my hair one last time and stepping out into the sunlight where Eli waited on the curb, leaning against the side of his car.

"I would sing, but the birthday song is just a little mainstream for my taste," he smirked, catching me in a hug.

"Dash the song," I teased. "How about a birthday kiss?"

"If you insist," he complied as his lips came down to meet mine, taking my breath away as he kissed me more deeply than I had anticipated.

"Mmm… Happy Birthday to me," I giggled as we parted, and Eli opened the car door for me.

Eli and I went a little out of our comfort zone, grabbing our lunch at a small café just north of the used book store we both frequented. Their sandwiches were pretty standard, but the bread pudding was to die for, and I found myself literally sighing in contentment as we shared our dessert.

"So what are you and your mom going to get up to this afternoon?" Eli asked, licking the back of his spoon.

"We're going to shop til we drop, I assure you," I laughed. "What are you going to do until dinner?"

"Eh, maybe head to Adam's, though Fiona's hinted that I've been far too scarce a presence in her life this summer, not that she's been in town for most of it."

"Ah, how nice it must be to live the fabulous life," I said dramatically. "Let's just jet off to New York City for the weekend, shall we? How about Paris?"

"I think she's really just using every opportunity she can to set up Holly J and her brother, to be honest, not that they need the help," Eli chuckled. "They were having some serious eye sex when I had dinner with them last weekend."

"Eli!" I elbowed him.

"What?" he shrugged. "It's not like Adam doesn't say the same thing about us."

I blushed as Eli leaned over, kissing my cheek.

"We're going to have to be going, my dear. Your mother/daughter retail therapy awaits," he sighed, taking my hand.

My mother was waiting in the living room when I got home, her face looking slightly flushed. We headed out quickly, and by the end of the afternoon, she had talked me into three new dresses, a pair of aquamarine earrings for the wedding, and two new pairs of heels. She had even splurged and bought a few outfits for her impending honeymoon. Mom and Glen had actually booked a four day cruise in the Caribbean, of which I was insanely jealous, but also very happy for them. My mom probably hadn't been on a vacation that she had chosen since before she and my father had married.

We arrived home with arms full of shopping bags, and I laughed as both Glen and Jake's eyes widened comically when we arrived back home. I headed upstairs to change into one of my new dresses and traded my sandals for my new wedge heels, and when I arrived back downstairs, I found Eli sitting awkwardly on our couch beside Jake, awaiting our impending departure to Little Miss Steaks.

I tried not to giggle as he looked up at me with a "save me" expression, and I perched myself beside him on the arm of the couch, my hand resting on his shoulder.

"Ready to go?" my mother asked, coming back into the living room from the kitchen. "Jake, where's your friend?"

"Friend?" I asked. I hadn't realized we were going to be a party of six.

"Oh, uh…" Jake fumbled, getting to his feet. "I'll just go call."

Eli looked up to me expecting me to know who Jake was referring to, but I returned his confusion with my brow furrowed. Before Jake came back in the room, the doorbell rang. I stood up to get the door, and as it swung opened, I found myself face to face with Alli.

"Alli?"

"Umm… Happy Birthday, Clare," she greeted awkwardly, pulling me into a one-armed hug. I caught Eli's eye, and he knew at once how uncomfortable I was. Alli and I hadn't talked since our disastrous lunch date, and I was even more offended that she was there as Jake's date. How much more inappropriate could this get?

"Thanks… Jake, your guest is here," I pointed, retreating back to Eli. Jake strode over, giving Alli a quick hug, and I forced myself to keep my jaw from hitting the floor. I felt Eli squeeze my hand lightly as we all headed out the door.

With our extra guest, we stood awkwardly on the sidewalk before Glen turned to Eli.

"Eli, would you mind bringing your car as well?" Glen asked politely, and Eli nodded. Once we were in the car, I couldn't contain myself.

"What the hell?" I practically screamed. "Why is she here? Are they dating? Why would he bring her to my birthday dinner?"

"Okay, breathe," Eli soothed as we followed my mother's car.

"I can't believe this," I huffed. "She and I haven't spoken in weeks!"

"Don't kill me for playing devil's advocate, but maybe Jake doesn't know you're on the outs?" he suggested.

"Ugh, why do you have to be right?" I whined. "Jake probably thinks I'd be happy to see her since she's supposed to be my best friend."

Dinner was an endlessly awkward affair as my parents tried to force conversation between our group. Unfortunately I hadn't alerted my mother to the fact that Alli and I hadn't been speaking either, so she kept telling stories about us when we were younger, diving into Darcy's old clothes and getting ready for our first school dance. Eli kept a hand on my leg under the table, trying to comfort me silently, but by the time dinner was finished, I was just ready to get out of there.

Much to my chagrin, Glen had alerted the server to our celebration, so I was fully embarrassed when she recruited a swarm of cow print clad employees to shout a birthday chant to me. Dessert dragged on as Glen ordered three different desserts for us all to share, and by the time we headed to the parking lot, I was in a downright surly mood. Eli stood close to me as we exited, leaning over to whisper in my ear.

"I promise this night will get better."

"God, I hope so," I mumbled.

We said awkward goodbyes as we got into our separate cars, though I expected to dive right back into our awkward silences when we got back home, except that we weren't headed back home. I watched as Glen steered my mother's car back the way we came, but Eli continued on.

"Where are we going?" I asked, confused.

"I told you your night was going to get better," he smiled. "We'll start by ditching the family."

"Does the family know we're ditching them?"

"Scared to rebel a little, Saint Clare?" he teased.

"Only if it's going to get me grounded for the rest of the summer," I clarified.

"Well, let me rest your nerves. Our next destination has been totally parent approved, I assure you," he smirked.

Eli parked the car on the curb outside a building I didn't recognize, and I took his hand as he led me in a side entrance and into an elevator. My face had to have been humorously confused, because once Eli selected a floor, he chuckled, taking my face in his hands and kissing me softly.

We stepped out of the elevator and walked a short way down the hall before Eli knocked lightly on the door. It swung open, seemingly of its own accord, and we stepped inside in darkness. Just as I tried to strain my eyes, the lights clicked on and I found myself amongst almost every upcoming grade eleven as well as a fair handful of the soon-to-be grade twelves.

"SURPRISE!" they all yelled in unison, and I found myself covering the gasp that tried to leave my mouth.

"NO WAY!" I practically yelled. "Oh my gosh!"

I tried to take in my surroundings. I knew at once this had to be Fiona's loft, and sure enough, she was smiling in the background, her brother, Declan, on her right. The entire apartment was practically dripping in twinkle lights and there was food everywhere. I could even see a punch fountain flowing in beside a monstrously large cake, covered in pink sugar flowers.

I practically flung myself around Eli, hugging him tightly.

"I can't believe you did this!"

"It wasn't all me, I assure you," he laughed. "Fiona is not one to be outdone when it comes to parties, even if they're not for her."

I couldn't believe it was even real. I had never expected a party, much less one of this kind of extravagance. All my friends were there, even ones I wasn't as close to anymore like Connor and Wesley, with his ginger haired girlfriend smiling on his arm. The night seemed to fly by as we danced, ate, greeted out classmates, and I even awkwardly tried to talk to Declan about his upcoming freshman year at Yale, which I knew Eli would be teasing me about as his first opportunity.

I had forgotten all about the unexpected appearance of Alli at dinner until I noticed her and Jake filling their cups from the punch fountain. I decided against a confrontation, wanting to keep enjoying my party, and soon I didn't see them at all, so I assumed they must have called it an early night.

It was almost midnight when Eli snuck up behind me as I was thanking Fiona for her gracious hosting of my surprise party.

"I hate to break up the party, but your curfew is fast approaching," he said.

"You should really get that extended, Clare," Fiona said matter of factly. "I don't think I've had a curfew since I finished middle school."

"And that's why we let you throw the parties," Imogen piped up, nudging Fiona slightly.

"Thanks again, Fiona. This was beyond amazing," I told her, feeling Eli's breath on my ear.

"Goodnight you two!" Fiona called out after us as Eli and I turned to leave.

Once we were back in the elevator, I found myself practically attacking him. I had pulled his lips down to mind before the doors even closed, and he met me with equal enthusiasm, turning and pinning me to the wall. I lost myself as his tongue met mine, and I gasped as he reached behind and beneath me, picking me up as I wrapped my legs around him.

"Well that is not what I wanted to see," came the deadpan sound of Adam's voice as the elevator doors opened, and I almost fell to the ground as Eli let go of me and I blushed scarlet as I adjusted my dress.

"Don't worry, I'll forgive you this one," Adam sighed as he entered the elevator and we exited. "But only because it's your birthday."

"Goodnight, Adam," Eli said tersely, and I bowed my head in shame as the doors closed.

"Oh my God," I breathed. "I could die."

"Well that won't do at all, because then I wouldn't get to do it again," Eli smirked, leaning down and kissing the top of my shoulder before taking my hand and leading me back outside to the car.

As we pulled up to the curb outside my house, Eli reached behind the seat and pulled out a small box which he had clearly wrapped himself.

"I know we haven't been back together that long, but I wanted to get you something," he explained.

"You really didn't have to," I assured him. "The party was beyond enough!"

"It isn't much," he assured me.

I unwrapped the box, finding a hardback journal with my initials engraved in silver plating on the front cover.

"You know me so well," I smiled, bringing it to my chest.

"I try," he smiled, leaning over to kiss me softly. "Happy Birthday, Clare."

I lay in bed that night feeling about eighteen different emotions course through me. On the one hand, it had been such an amazing evening. On another, I couldn't forget my moment with Eli in the elevator, and on yet another hand, I was endlessly angry at Alli for crashing my birthday dinner. I knew that Jake and I were going to have to have a talk, and I knew that there was no way it wouldn't be awkward, but I'll be damned if I was going to let her toy around with my soon-to-be brother.


	17. Chapter XVII

**All I Ask of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. Things have been so crazy the last few months, and I hate that I've neglected this story, but if you're still reading, just know that I appreciate it, and as always feel free to tap that little review button and leave me some feedback. In case you didn't know, I am on twitter at takethecurve and on tumblr at takethecurve dot tumblr dot com.**

**Chapter 17**

**Touch Me, Trust Me, Savor Each Sensation**

Jake, it seemed, was avoiding me as much as possible in the week after my birthday. Every time he and Glen joined us for dinner, he would skip out as soon as we finished eating, so when I finally got the chance to talk to him on a family outing downtown, it didn't exactly surprise me that he didn't seem to eager to talk to me.

"I've taken the hint, you know," I admitted once my mother and Glen left us to pick up their rings from the jewelers.

"Sorry?" he asked, trying to play it cool.

"You've been avoiding me like the plague since my birthday, Jake. You're not exactly the least conspicuous person there ever was," I pointed.

"About that… I didn't know you and Alli weren't talking, I swear," he admitted, though I had suspected as much.

"Look, what's going on between Alli and I doesn't really concern you, but I just wanted to tell you to be… well, careful doesn't seem like the right word, but just don't let your guard down," I tried to explain.

"I'm not sure I follow," Jake replied, his brown creasing.

"Alli doesn't exactly have the best track record when it comes to dating. To say her relationships end disastrously is sort of an understatement."

"Are you really giving me dating advice, Clare? Because I've been pretty hands off when it comes to your relationship, despite my own opinions," he said sternly.

"Your own opinions? Which are what exactly?" I asked, appalled that he had taken a jab at me.

"My opinions are my business, which is my point. You should probably keep yours to yourself, though if you feel the need to butt in so much about Alli's mistakes, maybe you should take that up with her," Jake explained icily before striding off down the block, leaving me stunned on the sidewalk.

I didn't feel like I was overstepping my boundaries, but our conversation left me feeling bothered. Why was he so standoffish? I just wanted to see him happy, right? It's not my fault that Alli sabotages her own life, and I just didn't want him to get caught up in it. As much as I didn't want to talk to Alli, I knew that at some point, especially if she continued to see Jake, it was going to happen, so I decided sooner was better than later. I sent her a text asking her to meet me for coffee the next day, but she never responded. Three days later, I was sitting on the end of Eli's bed, in full rant mode.

"It's just inconsiderate! She shows up to my birthday unbeknownst to me, and now that I'm trying to talk to her, she's giving me the cold shoulder! This is ridiculous!" I huffed.

Eli sat across from me at his desk, his laptop open in front of him, skimming a copy of a summer reading essay I had brought for him to proofread.

"Why don't you just go to her house?" he deadpanned, highlighting a sentence at the end of my introductory paragraph. "Your wording is weird here."

"I can't just show up at her house," I argued incredulously.

"Funny, you do it here all the time," he smirked, and I shot him a glare.

"That's different. Besides, I shouldn't have to hunt her down to talk to her. She's the one dating my brother!"

"Which means what?" Eli questioned, putting down his pen.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused by the sudden turn around.

"I'm not trying to be crass here, but if I didn't know any better, I'd say this was less about you and Alli and more about the fact that Jake's dating her," he explained, his eyebrow rising.

"I'm not jealous, if that's what you're suggesting."

"I'm merely suggesting that you might want to determine the root of your problem here," he sighed, turning back to my essay. "Call me crazy, but I think you're making a big deal out of this, and I'm not really sure why."

I opened my mouth to retort, but nothing that came to mind sounded any better than anything I'd already said.

"I'm not trying to piss you off," Eli assured me, handing my essay back to me.

"Tell that to the highlighter you murdered on my paper," I said sarcastically. He stood up, sitting beside me. His hand came to rest on my shoulder.

"Yeah, not your best work."

I spent two days struggling with the idea of just showing up at Alli's house, but by the time I had really decided to go, I learned from Jake that she was gone on a family vacation. I decided to take the extra time to let the stress of it all fall from my shoulders, though with the wedding barely a week away, finding a stress-free environment at my house wasn't exactly easy.

"Clare did you finish folding the programs?" my mother asked me one day over lunch.

"Yes, Mom, and I signed for the favors this morning. They're on the couch," I explained, taking the last bite of my grilled cheese.

"Thank you," she breathed as I threw my paper plate in the trash. "I hate to ask, but do you think you could assemble them this afternoon?"

I cringed, thinking of scooping monogrammed M&Ms into tiny clear bags and tying ribbons all afternoon, but the look of stressed desperation on my mother's face was enough to make me cave. I turned on as genuine of a small smile as I could.

"Sure, can Eli come over and help me?" I asked, thinking maybe she would feel bad enough to at least allow me some company.

"Sure, dear," she sighed. "I've got to go meet with the florist and then head back to work. The bags and ribbon are in that clear box in the hall closet," she explained, grabbing her purse and heading out the door.

I downed the rest of my soda as I scrolled through my contacts and called Eli. He wasn't particularly thrilled about helping me, but as usual, I knew he couldn't resist the thought of us in the house with no parents, task or no task.

Two hours later, we had covered my bedroom floor in tiny piles of bulk M&Ms, measured ribbon, tiny bags, and an even smaller pile of completed favors. I learned very quickly that Eli couldn't tie a decent looking bow to save his life, so I had delegated the scooping of M&Ms to him.

"If we run out before we get to seventy-five, you're going to have my mother to answer to," I warned as Eli popped another stray candy in his mouth, pausing mid-chew as I scolded him.

"I can share," he offered, tossing a single candy at me. I had my hands busy, tying ribbon, and Eli gave me a particularly devilish look as it hit me on my neck before sliding down the front of my shirt. I huffed, impatiently, as Eli chuckled, finishing my bow before reaching to fish it out of my bra, but Eli grabbed my arm before I could.

"I could help you with that," he offered, and I blushed furiously as he rose to his knees and moved closer to me. His tone left me speechless, and I shivered involuntarily, as he leaned down, his lips ghosting across the side of my neck, breathing lightly on the sensitive skin below my ear.

"You did that on purpose," I breathed, feeling my skin burn as his fingers lightly traced the top hem of my tank top.

"Happy accidents do happen," he breathed, nipping gently at my ear lobe. I gasped as his hand reached down the front of my shirt. His fingers trailed down the center of my chest, dipping into my bra, and I was in a state of disbelief. It felt like a thousand emotions were swirling through my head, and yet all I could focus on none of them. The only thing existing in that moment was his fingers on my skin, and I leaned into his hand as he cupped my breast, kissing me deeply. I pushed my tongue into his mouth, holding back the moan that threatened to escape me, but just as I began to wonder how far this could go, his hand retreated as his lips parted from mine. He smirked before popping the candy into his mouth, and sat back down across from me.

"Got it."

To say I was flushed would be a vast understatement, but I cleared my throat and tried to continue working. Eli seemed fully pleased with himself, looking up every now and again and smiling to himself. I couldn't work out what to feel. I was, for lack of a better term, frustrated, and I didn't know how to address it at all. The idea of saying to Eli that he had to stop teasing me made me so embarrassed to even think of, much less act on.

By the time we finished with the favors, I packed them into a clear bin and took them downstairs, leaving Eli alone in my room. I put the bin away, headed to the kitchen, and poured myself a glass of water, leaning against the sink as I tried to cool down, both physically and mentally. I knew it was my fault, his putting on the brakes, from our ridiculously awkward conversation where I told him I wasn't ready to have sex. I knew that was still true, but I kicked myself for making such a big deal out of it, because I felt like Eli mistook my words. I didn't want to stop making out or push things a little. I just said that in the heat of the moment, because I was nervous about the pace, but we had been dating most of the summer, and I didn't feel so reluctant anymore.

As I tapped my foot on the floor, I began to think that maybe I wouldn't have to say something. I could just not let him pull away like that. I could maybe convince him without humiliating words that he could take things a little further. Yes, that would be my plan, and I trotted back upstairs with my mind set.

Eli was thumbing through my bookshelf when I returned.

"The amount of young adult novels in your collection is quite staggering," he teased, and I had had enough. I closed and locked the door behind me.

"Shut up," I told him, walking briskly across the room, and taking his face in my hands. I could tell he was taken by surprise as it took him a moment to respond. A few seconds passed before his arms wrapped around me, crushing me to him, and I smiled into the kiss, thinking maybe this wouldn't be too difficult.

I began to step backwards, twisting to bring us back to my bed, but Eli wasn't budging. It just felt like I was pulling away. I reached back, taking his hands in mine, and with a look of brief confusion, he let me lead him toward the bed. I let go of his hands, sitting down and scooting back on my bed, giving him my best come hither look, and it seemed to work as he crawled up after me, letting me lay back as he leaned down over me.

He kissed down my neck and across my collar bone, and I reached underneath the hem of his t-shirt, sliding my hands up across his chest. I had hoped he would take the hint and let me take his shirt off, but he kept his arms on either side of me, holding himself up as he kissed back up my jaw and back to my lips. I felt him slowing the pace, and I found impatience begin to fester, so I kissed him back more fiercely, reaching down and pulling his hips into mine.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to seduce me," he said suddenly as he raised himself up a little and looked me in the eye.

I nodded sheepishly, biting my bottom lip, and hoping he wouldn't ask me why.

"Is it because of my scavenger hunt earlier?" he asked darkly, sitting up and reaching down to trace his fingers below the top hem of my shirt as he had before.

"Maybe," I admitted, willing him with my mind to reach back in my shirt or at least kiss me again.

"Because I seem to recall you telling me that you wanted to slow things down a bit," he continued, sitting up on his knees, and taking my hands to pull me up as well. I adjusted myself, pulling my knees underneath me to mirror him, confused on what was happening.

"Are you saying that's not the case anymore?" he asked, and beneath the teasing façade he was trying to put on, I could tell that he was serious, and suddenly I felt ashamed for not having this conversation from the get go.

"I'm not ready to… sleep with you… yet," I told him, my face flushing as I twiddled my fingers. "But that doesn't mean that you can't… umm… I don't really know what I'm trying to say," I admitted.

"There are a lot of avenues before you get on the freeway, Clare."

"A driving metaphor? Really?" I teased, trying to ease my own embarrassment.

"Whatever works," he smirked, his hand reaching up under my chin, beckoning me forward. He kissed me softly at first, but I could tell immediately that our conversation had shifted the mood. I leaned up on my knees, pushing myself into him, and his hands came to rest on my hips, just beneath the hem of my shirt.

"Can I take this off?" he asked, and I nodded, raising my arms above my head. His hands then started at my sides, gliding up my ribcage as he made me blush by staring at my cleavage. He started to lay me back down, but I stopped him.

"Yours too," I piped up, pulling up the hem of his t-shirt, and he pulled it over his head quickly, before pushing me back on the bed. He held himself over me, kissing the exposed skin of my chest, ribs, and down to my stomach, before he reached underneath me, pinching the clasp of my bra. I felt bad, because it took a couple of tries, but my boobs didn't exactly fit into those cute bras with only two buckles.

He pulled the fabric away from me and down my arms, and for the first time, I let him see me. His eyes took me in, and I could see the lust burning behind the dark green. I sighed in pleasure as he kissed my collar bone again, his lips trailing down my chest and between my breasts. I shivered as he kissed my ribs, his lips tickling me lightly, but then he came back to bring his mouth to mine, his bare chest pressed against mine, and my hands tangled themselves in his hair.

"You're so beautiful, Clare," he told me as he kissed and nipped down my neck again, and I found my eyes practically roll into the back of my head as his hand cupped my breast, his thumb brushing over me. I looked up only briefly to meet Eli's eye, and I felt myself drowning as his head came down to my chest, and I felt his mouth on me. His tongue flicked and swirled, and I felt like exploding. The moment was so overwhelming that I almost didn't hear the front door close, but as soon as I heard footsteps on the stairs, Eli rose up, and we shared a look of panic before finding the rest of our clothes.

There was a knock at my door as I fastened my bra. I threw my top over my head, taking one look at Eli, who had dashed to sit at my computer desk, his hair only looking slightly dishevled. I opened the door to find my mother, a confused look on her face.

"Clare, you know I don't like the door closed when you have company," she scolded me, and I tried to look sorry.

"I know, I'm sorry. It won't happen again," I told her as she eyed Eli across the room.

"Eli, you're welcome to stay for dinner," she smiled, and I breathed a sigh of relief as I realized she wasn't mad. "Did you finish the favors?"

With that, I led her downstairs, showing her the box of completed favors, before she made her way to the kitchen. She, Eli, and I had a less awkward dinner than I could have ever imagined us having, and at my mother's precise weeknight curfew, I walked Eli outside to his car.

"Eventful day," he mused, his smirk taking its usual place.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I denied.

Eli pulled me to him in a hug, kissing the top of my head, as I wrapped my hands around his waist.

"Goodnight," he said softly, pulling away and taking my hand, bringing it to his lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I replied, smiling like a lovesick idiot as he got in his car and pulled away from the curb. The day's events washed over me as I watched him turn at the end of the street, and the ring on my left hand felt suddenly heavier than it ever had before.


	18. Chapter XVIII

**All I Ask Of You**

**Author's note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. I'm still alive... **

**Chapter 18**

**Let Her Mind Wander**

My mother's wedding day dawned bright and early as a dead weight fell on me just as the day's light crept under the drapes over my window. I groaned, whining over whoever this unwanted intruder into my slumber was, but a chipper voice pulled me out of my complaints at once.

"That is no way to greet your long lost sister!" Darcy exclaimed, throwing the covers off of me.

"Who?... What?... How?" I stumbled, my still half-asleep brain struggling to keep pace.

"I caught a red eye to get here sooner! I wanted to surprise everyone!" she exclaimed, as I took in her sun-kissed skin and her sun-lightened hair.

"Oh my gosh!" I squealed, hugging myself to her tightly. I was overcome with too many emotions for that early in the morning, and I had trouble keeping my eyes from brimming with tears.

The first half of the day passed in a haze of hair appointments, makeup application, hurried snacks, and loads of conversation. I wanted to know everything about what Darcy had been doing, and without the sketchy barrier of technology between us, we rambled for hours. She told me about some of her friends in Africa, and I caught her up to date on my friends, both current and former, or at least that's what I figured I should consider Alli at this point. Darcy frowned as I told her about our falling out.

"Clare, are you sure this is worth losing your best friend over?" she asked, and I sighed.

"She's made it abundantly clear that she doesn't want to patch things up," I explained.

"Still, you and Alli have been inseparable for so long. Trust me, it's not worth just cutting ties and running away sometimes," she said cryptically.

"Do you ever wish you had stayed?" I pried.

"Sometimes," she sighed, "but that's in the past. I can't change it now. Besides, I've gotten to see and experience so many new things that I never could have done under our roof. Mom's so different now, but you remember how it used to be. I couldn't breathe, and I just felt myself pulling so much harder every time she tried to reel me back in. I needed to get out, but sometimes, I wish I hadn't been so far away. I missed so much around here. Look at you. You were a brace-faced little niner when I left, and now look at you!"

"Yeah well, I don't miss the brace-faced niner in me at all," I laughed. "She wasn't particularly fun to be around."

"And yet even then, Alli was your friend," she pointed.

As the sun started to set, I smoothed my dress waiting for the ceremony to start. My mom looked happier than I'd ever seen her before, not showing a hint of nervousness as we waited on the music to signal us. There were no flower girls or ring bearers, just the closest people to the bride and groom. As "Canon in D" began to flow down the aisle, Darcy winked at my mom and headed down the aisle. She garnered a lot of glances, and I didn't feel quite as many eyes on me as I began my stroll; however, as I glanced to the left, one face stood out from the crowd. Seated at the nearest end of the fourth row was Eli, clad in a simple black suit with a skinny tie.

His mouth turned up in a smirk as I passed him, giving him a little wink of my own, before moving to stand beside Darcy. Across the alter, Glen was beaming, and behind him stood Jake, giving me a courteous smile but nothing more before turning his attention back down the aisle to await my mother.

The ceremony was simple, just as my mother and Glen requested, followed by pictures. Even though my mother and Glen were obviously not your traditional bride and groom, they had insisted on not seeing each other before the ceremony which although tedious when it came to the photography, made for a very sweet moment as he saw her in her wedding dress for the first time.

When I finally got to make my way to the reception, I sought out Eli immediately, finding him seated at a table with Adam, both of them with several empty plates in front of them.

"Cleaned out the buffet already?" I teased as I walked up behind Eli, draping my arms over his shoulders.

"Yeah well, I'm a growing boy. What can I say?" he smirked, covering my hands with his.

"Really? So you intend to lessen the three inch lead I've already got on you in the height department?" Adam laughed.

"It's a good thing your girlfriend is so adorably petite then, isn't it?" I laughed, unwrapping my arms.

"Yeah, yeah, everybody laugh at the short kid," Eli groaned. "That's never gonna get old."

"Oh hush, you grumpy, old man," I teased. After fixing my own plate, Eli, Adam, and I chatted and enjoyed picking random members of the crowd out to examine, or more accurately, make fun of, but as night continued to fall, Adam departed, leaving me sitting close to Eli, his arm resting over the back of my chair, my legs crossed towards him. I turned my head, resting my chin on his shoulder.

"You know, I don't believe we've visited the dance floor yet," I smiled.

"You would be correct," he sighed before smiling back at me, taking my hand. The reception was beginning to die down, but we darted between several couples swaying to the music to find a spot. Eli's right hand came to rest on the small of my back, pulling me towards him. He took my right hand in his left, bringing it to his chest as we began to sway to the soft music. It dawned on me that this was the first time Eli and I had shared a dance.

"You handle yourself well out here, Goldsworthy," I grinned, looking up into his eyes.

"You're not so bad yourself, my dear," he smirked. He paused briefly before continuing. "So does this make up a little bit for your last two ruined dances?"

"Possibly," I admitted. "Though I do have to say that I like this suit better than the red jacket."

Eli pretended to pull himself away, dropping his hands.

"Well, this was good while it lasted, Edwards."

"Eli!" I rolled my eyes, shaking my head at his sarcasm. His mouth turned up in a crooked grin before taking me back in his arms. We danced for a few more songs before, with my mother's permission, we made our exit from the reception. She and Glen had a room reserved in a swanky downtown hotel for the night, serving as a mini honeymoon before the real thing would begin the next week. Mom didn't want to miss a second of Darcy's visit, so she had planned their cruise to follow Darcy's departure. In fact, their flights were scheduled barely an hour apart.

"So since your parents are gone, does that mean we get to have a sleepover?" Eli joked as he walked me to the front door or my house.

"Oh yes, that would be super fun with Darcy and Jake here," I scoffed.

Eli gave a shudder, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"I thought you liked Darcy," I pointed. "You said she was nice enough."

"She is, but I have to admit, she isn't cut from the same cloth as you, my dear," he said, nudging me in the side.

"We were similar once... a long, long time ago," I told him, turning to face him as we approached the front door. Eli closed the distance between us, taking my face in his hands. He looked me deeply in the eyes, making me shudder at their intensity. It was in these moments that I knew what we had was special. No one had ever looked at me like that, and I couldn't recall ever seeing anyone else in real life share the kinds of glances Eli would throw my way.

He inhaled slightly, bringing his lips down to meet mine. He kept the kiss chaste, softly melting our lips together as he tilted my head opposite his. I tentatively brought my tongue forward to tease his lower lip, and he took my subtle hint, deepening the kiss as he pressed me up against the front door. I could feel my heart threatening to jump from my chest as we kissed, and my cheeks flooded with color. Unfortunately, I felt the door behind me swing open, and I almost pulled Eli in after me trying to keep my balance as it swung open.

"I knew I heard someone at the door," Darcy smirked, a mischievous glint in her eye. "You guys need anything? Some snacks? A condom?"

Eli cleared his throat as I tried not to laugh.

"I'll see you later, Clare," Eli said quickly, a hint of blush on his own cheeks. I closed the door after him, turning to face my sister.

"Thanks a lot!" I exclaimed, my cheeks still flushed.

"Oh you know, gotta do my elder sister duties for the few days I'm here. It wouldn't be fair if I didn't get to embarrass you in front of your boyfriend at least once," she smiled. "Plus, I do love a _Mean Girls_ reference."

"Don't let her fool you, she's been plotting that moment all night," Jake called from the couch.

"Traitor," Darcy snapped under her breath.

"You two seem to be getting along well," I remarked, kicking off my shoes and tossing my purse on the coffee table.

"There's just something about you Edwards women," Jake pretended to sigh. "Gullible, easy to make fun of, take everything too seriously..."

He was interrupted by a swift throw pillow to the face, courtesy of Darcy.

"You seem to forget that I am now the eldest sibling, and I won't have your sass, little boy," she pointed.

"Well, as fun as this is, I'm going to change," I said, picking up my shoes and heading upstairs. Once I had changed into my pajamas, I heard a knock at the door. Darcy stood in the hallway in a pair of leggings and an oversized sweat shirt, her hair in a messy ponytail.

"So, do we get to stay up all night and gossip?" she asked, holding out a pint of Ben & Jerry's Half-Baked with two spoons.

"As if we would do anything else," I rolled my eyes, striding back to fling myself on the bed.

"So, tell me all about this rekindled romance of yours," she began. "You seemed to be getting hot and heavy on the porch, little sister. Anything I need to know?"

"I still have the ring on, don't I?" I teased with a mouthful of ice cream, flashing my left hand.

"Yeah, well, for all I know that could still just be for Mom's sake."

"Believe me, it isn't, but it has been feeling a bit superfluous these days," I thought out loud.

"So you're thinking of doing it? With Eli?"

"It's not the farthest thought from my mind," I admitted, my face flushing. "Eli is so intense. It's almost impossible not to think about it."

"Yeah, I could tell you were having a serious moment on the porch, and I'm not gonna lie. I watched you two a lot at the reception. You probably don't realize it, but you guys like revolve around one another."

"I thought you always said not to let your life revolve around a guy," I pointed.

"I did, but it's different when you revolve around each other equally," she said, her brow rising slightly.

"Darcy, have you ever been in love?" I asked. She took several moments to respond as we continued to dive into the ice cream.

"No," she answered, and I could feel the honesty behind her voice. "I don't think I've ever let myself be in love... I mean, I had those high school puppy loves, but those weren't the real thing, and then after what happened, it took so long for me to let anybody in again that even though I might let somebody in the front door of my heart, I never let them past the foyer."

"Not even with Peter?" I asked. I recalled them being inseparable in high school, and her confession confused me.

Darcy laughed slightly.

"I cared a lot about Peter, and Peter helped me through the kind of shitty time no one should ever have to experience, but I wasn't capable of love at that time in my life."

Silence fell between us for a few moments before Darcy spoke again.

"Just because I haven't experienced that doesn't mean you can't talk to me about it," she smiled.

"I just don't want to mess things up, ever again," I told her. "I know Eli and I are the exception, not the rule, and I don't want the rarity of that to escape me, ever."

"You talk like you write," Darcy teased.

"Shut up, I'm serious!"

"I know, I know. So do you think you're ready to sleep with Eli?" she asked bluntly.

I paused, thinking deeply.

"Yes, I do, and it scares the hell out of me," I confessed.

"Why does that scare you?" she asked.

"I feel like I'm letting go of everything I was raised to believe, one decision at a time. It's been that way for years now, and it feels like this is the last big piece of my youth that I've been holding close to my heart for so long, and I feel strange that suddenly it doesn't make sense anymore."

"Clare, you were twelve when you put on that purity ring. Can you really say that you understood everything that that commitment meant at twelve?" she asked.

"No, I know I didn't," I answered. "But I don't want to lie about it either, and if I take off the ring now, it's like a big flashing sign on my forehead saying, 'Guess who punched their v-card?!'"

"So don't take it off," she shrugged.

"What do you mean, 'Don't take it off'?"

"I mean, why is it anybody's business but yours that you have or have not had sex?" she added. "If you don't want to take the ring off, don't take it off. The only person besides you who would know is Eli, and I'm pretty sure he'd say the same damn thing."

"But won't that seem like I'm ashamed?" I asked, genuinely concerned.

"Do you think you'll feel ashamed?"

"No, I know I won't."

"Then fuck everybody else," she said bluntly, surprising me with her flippant cursing. "You do what makes you happy, Clare. That's all I want for you."

I swallowed the last bite of ice cream, tossing my spoon into the empty carton. Darcy stood up to leave.

"I love you, Clare, and I miss you, and trust me, time flies, so you should do what makes you happy."

She turned to leave before I called out after her.

"Darcy, thanks," I said, tucking my hair behind my ear. "And I've missed you too."

She smiled before leaving and shutting the door behind her. I fell back in my bed, exhaling deeply. Our talk weighed heavy on my mind, like my ring had been for the past several weeks. As I continued to process my thoughts, my phone vibrated on the bedside table.

_Eli: How did sibling bonding go? Did you and Darcy paint Jake's toenails?_

I laughed, rolling on my stomach to text him back.

_Clare: Jake kept to himself and let us have our girl talk. Of course, he might've painted them himself in the meantime._

_Eli: Nice. I'm about to call it a night, talk to you tomorrow?_

_Clare: Of course, and we should make some plans for next week during the honeymoon, once Darcy's left._

_Eli: Indeed. I'm intrigued. What kind of plans did you have in mind?_

_Clare: I'm not sure yet, but I'll let you know. Goodnight, and sleep well. I love you._

_Eli: And I you. Sweet dreams._

I placed the phone back on my bedside table, and as I turned off the lamp beside me, I sank beneath my covers thinking of Eli, our relationship, and the steps I wanted to take. Come what may, I thought. Next week, I was going to lose my virginity.


	19. Chapter XIX

**All I Ask of You**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. I'm so glad some of you guys are still with me! I appreciate your feedback more than I can say! To those new to the story, you can find me on twitter at takethecurve or on tumblr at takethecurve dot tumblr dot com. **

**Chapter 19**

**What Rich Desire Unlocks Its Door**

I stood on my tiptoes, waving goodbye to my sister, mother, and stepfather. They disappeared into the sea of people as they made their way through security, leaving me on the outside of the terminal with Jake.

"Well, you ready?" he asked, our shaky alliance seemingly remaining intact. I hadn't mentioned Alli to him since our spat, nor did I intend to.

"Sure," I answered, turning on my heel to follow him back to the car. I already felt strangely lonely with most of my family gone, as I had quickly grown accustomed to the bustle of a house of five. There was something oddly comforting in fighting with Darcy over the bathroom and teasing Jake about his eating habits. Glen was actually very laid back, and I could tell that he was making an effort to adapt, which I appreciated, especially after my outburst at dinner all those weeks ago.

As we arrived back at the house, I was surprised when Jake made a quick trip upstairs and back before I had even had time to sink into the couch properly.

"Going somewhere?" I asked, surveying the duffle he was carrying over his shoulder.

"To the cabin," he answered. "I figured you wouldn't mind."

He paused.

"Unless you don't want to stay by yourself... I didn't even think about that. You are okay, right?" he asked, realizing he was leaving me at home for almost a week alone.

"Jake, I'll be fine. I swear," I assured him. "Besides, if I get creeped out or whatever, I can always call somebody. It's no big deal."

"Alright, you know cell service is shady up there, so call me on the land line if you need me," he reminded me as he headed out the door.

"Drive safe!" I called out after him, leaning back on the couch as I heard the door close behind him.

Six days with no family. Six days. What in the world was I going to do to entertain myself for six days? I reminded myself that I had promised Eli a particularly special evening, and my stomach clenched as I realized now that I had the liberty to pretty much handle it any way that I pleased. No sneaking around, no whispering, and certainly no worries about interruptions for a change. Maybe this was a sign that I had made the right choice in deciding to sleep with Eli. Picking up my phone, I decided to share the good news with him... or at least some of it.

"Hey," he answered.

"What are you up to?" I asked lazily.

"Not much. How did the airport drop-off go?"

"Pretty uneventful, but you won't believe what happened when I got home," I told him.

"Jake turned into an enormous green rage monster and destroyed the house?" he guessed sarcastically.

"Damn, you're good at this!" I pretended to exclaim.

"I should really start playing the lottery," he continued. "Four, eight, fifteen, sixteen, twenty-three, forty-two..."

"Anyway," I interjected.

"Yes, so what has you so excited?"

"Jake is skipping town for the duration of Mom and Glen's trip. Can you believe it?"

"That's convenient," Eli surmised. "He didn't feel like any more sibling bonding?"

"Apparently not," I continued. "So what are we doing tonight?"

"Well I don't know, milady. What did you have in mind?"

"I have been craving a movie night," I answered.

"As in rental or theater?"

"Hmm... let's go rental. You wanna pick up something and head over around seven?"

"Sounds like a plan? Takeout?" he continued, our date-planning routine falling into place.

"Japanese?"

"Fantastic roll? Fried rice and Miso?"

"First my coffee order, now my sushi? You are the perfect boyfriend," I sighed dramatically.

"It's a hard role, but somebody has to fill it," he quipped. "So..."

"So...?" I repeated.

"So... would it be too presumptuous of myself to ask whether you wanted any overnight company?"

I facepalmed, unable to believe I hadn't realized where he was going, but thankful that he brought it up.

"I don't suppose that would be a bad idea," I tried to flirt, my forehead still firmly planted against my palm.

"I thought not. See you later," he replied, practically smirking into the phone.

"Bye," I smiled.

I tried not to let my nerves get worked up as the evening drew closer. I had cleaned my room, putting fresh sheets on my bed before going downstairs to straighten up for our night in. Once I felt like everything was in order, I trudged upstairs, jumping in the shower. I felt my shoulders tense up as I started shaving my legs, thinking about what I wanted for the evening. I had it all planned out in my head. We would watch whatever movie Eli chose, eating our sushi, and maintaining a sarcastic commentary track. Once the movie was over, we would inevitably find ourselves making out, and I would subtly suggest we move things upstairs. I recited the plan to myself over and over until I stepped out of the shower.

I had laid my clothes out on my bed earlier, choosing my least modest undergarments, a pair of black lace-trimmed hipster panties and an almost matching black bra. I styled my hair and put on my makeup in my underwear, trying not to sweat in my nervousness. Finally, I slipped my deep navy sundress over my head. It had a little elastic at my natural waist to cinch in the chiffon fabric. Little lilac flowers dotted along the material which ruffled at the deep v-neck and hem, falling just above my knees.

I surveyed myself in the mirror, trying to both reassure and calm myself. This was just Eli and me. Just Eli and me. No need to worry. No need to keep fussing over myself. I was ready.

My heart skipped a beat as the doorbell rang, and I nearly tripped dashing down the stairs, feeling out of breath when I opened the door.

"Hey," I tried to breathe, my hand shaking on the doorknob.

"Hey you," Eli smiled, a handful of DVDs in one hand and a bag of takeout in the other. I couldn't help but look him over, knowing I would remember this night forever. He was casual as usual, his jeans faded and his grey t-shirt worn with wear. His dark grey Converses were scuffed, and his leather band bracelet hung around his wrist. The always present guitar pick necklace shone against his shirt, and his hair was tousled as usual. He looked no different than any other day, and I smiled as he made his way to the kitchen.

"So I brought a few choices for your cinematic pleasure," he said, putting the bag of takeout on the bar. "I wasn't sure what you were in the mood for."

He jumped as the glass I pulled from the cabinet fell from my hand to the floor, shattering on the hardwood.

"Oh my God," I exclaimed, frozen on the spot, scared to move an inch with my bare feet.

"Hang tight, butterfingers," Eli laughed. "Where's the dustpan?"

"In the pantry," I answered, my face turning red with embarrassment. What the hell? This was not how my perfect night was supposed to go. Eli should not be having to sweep glass off my kitchen floor hours before we have sex for the first time!

"Glass just get away from you?" he teased, carefully picking up the larger pieces of glass before sweeping the smaller pieces. "Hop up on the counter," he advised.

I followed his direction, pushing myself up to sit on the edge, my feet dangling like a little girl.

"I guess," I told him, still angry with myself.

"I should probably get you some shoes, just to be safe," Eli said as he dumped the broken glass into the trash. "I can't claim to be the most thorough butler."

"There's a pair of flats upstairs by my dresser," I told him, remembering I had pulled them out to wear before deciding it was pointless to put on shoes if I wasn't really going anywhere.

"Gotcha," he replied, and I leaned back against the cabinet, cursing my clumsiness.

Eli returned in a flash with my shoes, which he slid onto my feet Cinderella style, much to my amusement. I hopped down from the counter, and Eli took my place fixing drinks, clearly not wanting another accident. I turned my attention to the movies he had placed on the bar.

"Really?" I asked.

"What?" he laughed, passing me to take our drinks to the living room.

"You do realize what happened the last time you brought horror movies over here?" I tried to remind him.

"Vividly actually, but I'm already staying the night, so where's the problem?" he grinned, picking up the bag of takeout boxes.

I huffed, plopping down on the couch, frustrated with his sarcasm. This wasn't quite how I'd pictured our evening going, but I tried to tell myself that it didn't matter. The choice of movie wasn't going to change my mind about my agenda.

"Just please tell me this isn't gory," I begged, lifting the lid off my sushi.

"No gore, I promise," he replied, taking a seat beside me and kicking off his shoes. "The Paranormal Activity movies are just jumpy, I swear."

"Great..." I rolled my eyes, popping a piece of sushi in my mouth.

"You did make me watch Music and Lyrics last week," he chided, and I reached over backhanding his arm.

"Don't even say that like you didn't love it," I exclaimed. "You were practically singing along by the end!"

"I admit to nothing," he smirked, pressing play on the remote.

I had to give Eli some credit in that I was entertained, albeit in a very nervous fashion. Every time the movie cut to an overnight scene with the stationary camera, I would hide all of my face except my eyes behind my hands, and cower into Eli's side. He was thoroughly amused, putting his arm around me to satisfy my need for protection. We had to be nearing the end when I noticed just how comfortable I had made myself. Eli was laying back on the couch, and I was on my side with my back to the back of the couch. One of my legs was on top of his as I hugged his torso tightly. My head rested just over his shoulder, my lips inches from his neck.

I had given the movie as much of my adrenaline rush as I could, but as Eli's body heat warmed me, I found my gaze straying to Eli's face, eyes, and lips. I tilted my head up, my own lips slowly ghosting up the side of Eli's neck, settling on the soft space just below his ear. I kissed the skin gently at first, barely touching my lips to him, then with slightly more pressure, opening my mouth slightly and letting my tongue lightly graze, blowing gently on his damp skin. I could see goosebumps begin to travel down his arms, and I smiled against him..

Eli turned on his side to face me, pushing himself down the couch a little to come face to face with me. His knee parted my legs, and I hitched my left leg up over his hip, wanting no space between us. Eli's right hand grazed up my leg, disappearing under the fabric of my dress and attaching to my thigh, pulling me even closer. His lips were on mine in a flash, skipping the tenderness and diving in roughly, his tongue thrusting past my own lips to dance with mine. I sighed into the kiss as he pushed himself up against me, his left hand coming out of nowhere to grab my butt, pulling me closer.

His lips left mine, traveling down my neck to my collar bone, sucking lightly on the skin above the neckline of my dress. His right hand left my thigh, traveling up my side to cup my breast over my dress. I blushed as a quiet moan left my mouth without my permission, and I could feel Eli smiling into my chest. All at once, he pulled me over, rolling on his back. My dress was pushed up to my hips as I straddled him, and I could see Eli's eyes dart down the front of my dress as I held myself up above him. His hands went straight to my knees, gliding up my thighs and disappearing under the dark chiffon, gripping my hips. He gently rolled them forward, and I gasped as the friction began to tease me in all the right ways.

Eli looked up at me, his eyes alight, and he held the hem of my dress in his hands. I nodded fervently, and Eli sat up, pulling my dress over my head. The cool air against my back made me tense up, and as Eli tossed my dress over the back of the couch, I tried not to close my arms over my chest. He looked over every inch of my skin, studying it before his lips began to make a trail over the top of my bra. Slowly, he leaned back down to lie on the couch, pulling me with him. It felt strange to have my boobs quite so visible like that, but I forgot all about any embarrassment as Eli's hands reached up to cup my breasts, pausing only for a moment before he reached up to cup my face, pulling me down to him.

I rolled my hips like he had shown me, and I was awarded with a stifled moan from behind our kiss. I could feel Eli's arousal beneath his jeans, and I couldn't help but smile. I pushed myself upright, and Eli looked at me with confusion behind his lust-clouded eyes.

"Can we take this upstairs?" I asked, trying to even my breathing. He nodded emphatically, and I crawled off him. I could feel his eyes on me from behind as we made our way up the stairs. I had barely gotten in the bedroom door when he caught my arm, twisting me around and attacking my lips with his own. I stumbled backwards momentarily, caught off guard by his sudden move, but I stabilized myself and began to lead him to the bed, pulling his t-shirt over his head as we walked. As the backs of my knees hit the mattress, he stopped kissing me, only to reach around behind me to unclasp my bra. He had an easier time of it than that first time he had attempted it, and I gasped as his mouth was on me before the fabric even hit the floor. His tongue swirled around that most sensitive spot, flicking over my nipple before moving to the other breast.

I felt like my skin was on fire, and I was surprised when after a second, Eli pulled back and lightly pushed my shoulder back, indicating for me to crawl onto the bed. I scooted back as Eli crawled on top of me, setting back to work with his mouth on my chest, kissing a trail between my breasts before ghosting down my stomach and back up to find my lips again. As he did, I reached down to unbuckle his belt and set to work on unfastening his jeans. I blushed a little as his boxers started to come down with his jeans, but Eli course-corrected and held onto them as I pushed his jeans past his hips. He wriggled out of them, kicking them God knows where, and I moaned as he pressed into me.

With only the thin fabric of my panties and his worn boxers, I could feel him intimately, and I surprised us both when I reached down between us without hesitation to feel him in my hand. Eli jerked a little, clearly taken aback, but before he could pull away, I kissed him that much harder, trying to silently tell him that I was ready. His hips rolled forward, sliding himself in my hand, and as the fabric between us frustrated me, I reached inside the fly of his boxers, taking him firmly in my hand. I wasn't sure how to move, but with Eli rolling his hips, he didn't seem to mind. He moaned against my lips, and I echoed him as he returned his mouth to my neck, open mouth kissing in the crook.

I gripped Eli in my hand and began to pump in motion with his hips. I couldn't believe it. This was really going to happen without me having to have an awkward conversation. I was so lost in the moment that I gasped as Eli's tongue reached my nipple again while he took the other between his thumb and forefinger. I moaned louder than I ever had, and I could feel heat pooling in my center. I reached up with my free hand, taking Eli's from my breast and pulling it down between us. He needed no more indication than that as his fingers pushed aside my panties, sliding easily between my folds. He barely brushed over my most sensitive spot, and I gasped loudly, my back arching, and I felt a tightness in my abdomen as his thumb began rubbing a circle.

I was shaken from the moment as I felt a pulse begin in my hand. Eli's movements became erratic, and I wasn't sure what to do. A string of moans and gasps fell from his lips, so I kept moving, and within a mere moment, I felt a wetness against my wrist. Eli took his hand from me, slowing my own down before gently moving it away. Before I could say anything, his fingers went back to work on me, and I felt my back arch off the bed again, surprised by his return. I felt his middle finger dart into me as his thumb went back to that wonderful spot, and as a second finger entered I felt shaky. The tightness in my abdomen morphed into more heat, and I almost screamed as the tension broke. I felt my own pulse in my center around Eli's fingers, and I struggled to catch my breath. Eli slowed his movements as he had done before, before withdrawing his hand.

I laid there unable to move as I felt Eli climb off the bed, albeit unsteadily. I was confused at first until he returned from the bathroom with a towel for my hand.

"I'll be right back," he said, leaving me again. I heard him go downstairs, no doubt in search of another pair of boxers from his bag.

I had finally come down from my high when Eli returned from cleaning himself up. I had crawled under my covers, a chill setting in on my damp skin once the heat had left my body. Eli slid in beside me, taking me in his arms, and I melted into him, kissing his collar bone.

"That was unexpected," he admitted, and I flushed scarlet.

"I'll say," I agreed, unsure of how to say that in reality I had anticipated us going further, but with our newfound adventure tonight, I found myself more than satisfied.

"I have to admit, I wasn't entirely prepared for that," he laughed nervously, and I snuggled up to him tighter.

"Your point?" I asked.

"Just... I never imagined that if you let me do any of that that I'd be the one finishing first," he told me. "You caught me off guard."

"I do try to be a little unpredictable sometimes, you know," I smiled up at him.

"Oh, I know," he laughed.

Our moment was interrupted as my cell phone began to ring downstairs. I threw back the covers, grabbing my robe off the back of the door and throwing it around me as I darted downstairs. The last thing I needed was to have my parents calling the cops because I wasn't answering the phone in a timely fashion. Instead, I was surprised to see a different name on my missed call log. I looked back at Eli as he came down the stairs behind me. I held up the phone, confusion all over my face.

"That was Alli."


End file.
